KIEL, Germany (Wireless Flash) – A German scientist claims his research proves blondes DON’T have more fun. Hans Juergens says his data shows men associate blondes with marriage and cleaning products, while brunettes just make them think about sex.

NEW YORK – Liar, liar, pants on fire! That’s what Australian cops are saying to Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst about his claims he visited a dying Australian girl who was mortally injured in a mosh pit at one of his shows. Cops say Durst never appeared at the girl’s hospital bed, according to the New York Post.

NOTTINGHAM, England – A 17-year-old English schoolboy’s resemblance to Prince William has just landed him a job with a lookalike agency. Matthew Turpin says he’s been overwhelmed with requests for autographs from young women who think he’s Wills, and he hopes to use the money he makes as an impersonator to pay for college.

SYDNEY, Australia – Brokers are looking at stocks and blondes thanks to a new internet news program which shows comely young women reading market bulletins in the buff. The Australia-based “Market Wrap Unwrapped” costs $9.95 a month and is targeted to “hot-blooded” male brokers.

MILWAUKEE, Wis. – Nuns in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, are praying that Harry Potter’s success will rub off on them. Two local nunneries are running ads in local movie theaters before Potter showings in hopes of conjuring up interest.

WEST BLOOMFIELD TOWNSHIP, Mich. – A 50-year-old law banning ice cream trucks in West Bloomfield Township, Michigan, has been scrapped thanks to a 9- year-old boy. Little Josh Lipshaw convinced town leaders to let ice cream trucks return to the streets – and allow a little bell-ringing to boot.

ATLANTA – The Cartoon Network series Samurai Jack is going live- action. Rush Hour director Brett Ratner has agreed to film a big screen live action version of the cult cartoon about a Japanese warrior who fights robots in the future.

LOS ANGELES – Actor Jack Black from the movie Shallow Hal says he’s insecure about his looks. He says when he watches himself in the movie all he sees is “Mostly my big fat head. And beady eyes. And, uh, misshapen torso. And, uh, clown feet.”

NEW YORK – 70-year-old media giant Rupert Murdoch is a proud papa of a new baby girl named Grace Helen. The mother is Murdoch’s third wife, 33-year-old Wendi Deng. Murdoch now has 5 children and numerous grandchildren.

WICHITA, Kan. – A Kansas man who lodged a balloon of cocaine in his throat in a smuggling attempt had to be rushed to the hospital after the hook end of a coat hanger he used to dislodge it became stuck too. Once doctors removed the coat hanger they found the cocaine balloon and the man was promptly arrested.