Effexor
I'm giving myself the ultimate mindfuck right now. I'm radio flipping and going on an emotional roller coaster with it. Sometimes all it takes is that one song. Off go your thoughts. It's not usually good. Oh there might be a good one in there every so often and you can sit back and smile but then the next song you hear makes you remember why you quit listening to the first one. It's all fucked up you know. So am I. The effexor hasn't healed me. Oh fuck. I'm still insane. Right? More or less? The same? Maybe I'm not really nuts; maybe it's just all them. I can't say that to them though. They would drug me too much. I would be labeled paranoid. I'm not paranoid. I just don't trust the government. They let people die and starve to death and sleep on streets. That is just not right. I'm not really nuts, I've just figured out what is really going on. It must sound crazy to people that just don't see it that way, but those are the people that just follow along and never ask questions. They just accept what they are told. They are the ones sedating all of us. How in the hell can you not stress out with increased anxiety once you see what kind of hell is really out there and we live in it? It may affect us in different ways but it is hell all the same. No, I'm not insane. I know the difference between right and wrong, good and bad. I care about the well being of others. I do the right thing. I always stand up for what I believe in. Yet, I'm called depressed because I don't walk around with some idiotic smile on my face 24/7. I mind my manners. But sometimes I just can't help but confront some of the stupid people on this earth and tell them that they are stupid. Okay, I have a bad temper. I'm just doing some of the things we all think about doing. I'm not the only one. Dr. Moorehead's office, Burger King. Things like that. I reacted aggressively but only with words. For over a year I had been in constant crippling pain, dealing with the government and HMO's and doctors. They all suck ass really bad too. When you have serious health problems you have to fight for your fucking life to get what you need and even then they fuck it up and you have to go back. I merely expect people to know what they are doing. I don't run into people like that often. I've spoken to two politicians personally and they both referred me to each other. Dead end there. They reminded me to vote. Bastards. I've dealt with so many doctors, countless nurses, lab people, technicians and everyone you deal with when you have problems with your body. Most of them are rude as hell and don't care that you are in pain. God forbid someone actually knows how to handle accounts properly. Appointments get fucked up. The hospitals are rude as hell, I've been in the ER before and known more about my condition than the doctor and knew the advice I was given would only bring more pain. Found out that it could have killed me. I hate them all. The hospital stay was a nightmare from the minute I got there. They fucked up my lab work and ran extra painful tests and gave me drugs I did not need. I was given drugs I was allergic to after the surgery and my bed was broken. Some nurse I had never met before came to discharge me and here it is about 6 weeks later and I'm in physical therapy and still don't really know exactly what happened with the surgery. No one has told me anything at all. Maybe I am nuts but I have a right to be and if the government and the medical community want to calm me down they need to do better than this anti-depressant shit because it's starting to make me depressed. Before I was just pissed off.
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