You Might Be A Yuppie Biker If

If you drink cappacino instead of beer

If you cant figure out why the battery on your new bike won't stay charged

If your trailer has more miles on it than your bike

If your leathers still have creases

If you don't ride your bike to work because it scuffs your penny loafers

If you move your bike and the grass is brown under the wheels

If your tatoos wash off

If you have doubled the weight of your bike with bolt on chrome

If you have never kick started a bike before

If you buy bikes as investments

If you refer to your bike as your "toy"

If you wear a full face helmet

If you wear a helmet

If you wear earplugs

If you really believe that there are bikes that come customized from the factory

If the last time you went to the Harley dealer you came home with golfballs and a toilet seat

If your Harley shirt has a coller

If its not fun to ride unless someone sees you

If you don't ride in the rain

If you think the TV show "Renegade" is cool

If you can't find your oil filter

If you think any motorcycle is too loud

If your poneytail comes off with your cap

If you leave your garagedoor open just so people can see your bike

If you need a biker lingo book

If your a HOG member and think your an outlaw

If you think a wrench is a bitchy woman

If when you buy your bike you start calling everyone "bro"

If you stop 30 miles from Sturgess to unload your bike so you can ride in

If you think the models in the catalogs are what bikers are suppose to look like

If you worry about what bikers are suppose to look like

If you read VQ

If real bikers scare you

IF you paint your office nick-name (like EasyRider or Bad-Ass) on your Bell open face helemet.

You know you're a yuppie biker if you paid for your new FXSTC in 24 months or less.

You know you're a yuppie biker if you complained about the "smell and fumes" near the back of your last group ride.

You know you're a yuppie biker if you won't ride unless it's a group ride.

You know you're a yuppie biker if everyone on your last group ride works at your law firm, or plays golf with you.

You know you're a yuppie biker if you've ever said "Isn't it too cold/wet/hot/dry/dark to ride?"

You know you're a yuppie biker if the only reason you have a scooter is because your brother is C&W singer Doug Stone and he gave you his old hog.

you carry a cam-corder instead of a knife

If your saddlebags have a special pocket for your cell phone

You know your a yuppie biker if:

You read this page & say hey I do that!

Your only scoot has been a Blockhead & u don't even know what that is.

You put newspaper under your scoot to catch da drippins.

When u pull in da driveway you hit da button on da garage door opener (hmmmm not a bad idea)

Other bikers at da bar say who's that?

Bikers check out your scoot & say man dat boys got way to much money!

If your jeans have a crease from where your mommie just pressed em.

If your jeans are clean, in fact if any spot on you is clean.

You take your scoot in fer an oil change.

You think frindge is a mandantory accessory on your leathers.

You try to look like a biker.

You try to act like a biker.

Youve ever stopped at a red light & forgot to put a foot down (sober).

You run into the bros & they say hey lets go here & u have to call home to check first.

You carry a phone just in case u MIGHT break down!

You think a chain is sumpin you wear around your neck.

You think a missing link is a human race thing.

You think a wristpin is sumpin you wear on your wrist.

If bikers give you a nickname something like PUD and u think its cool.

If you have lil eagles on all your clothes.

If you read this page & get pissed!!!

The two most important items in your toolkit are gojo and a manicure kit.

You think that's actually a *suntan* that makes real bikers so dark-skinned.

When your scoot doesn't start, your first thought is "how do I get it to a shop?"

You ride a Harley and drive a toyota.

You have your ride repaired at the dealership

YOU HAVE EVER RIDDEN WITH A TIE ON

YOU HAVE HARLEY PLATE ON YOUR JAP PIECE OF SHIT CAR

YOU RIDE WITH YOUR HEAD COCKED BACK SO FAR TRYING TO BE TOUGH YOU CAN SEE THE TOPS OF TELEPHONE POLES

YOU THINK A RIGID IS A HARD ON

YUOr SCARIEST BIKER EXPERIANCE WAS WAITING FOR YOUR NEW BIKE FINANCING TO BE APPROVED

THE BANK HOLDS THE TITLE TO YOUR BIKE

you think helmets actually protect you melon

you own a lap dog and reptiles are sick

you treat road rash with calimine

you've ever worn docker's kakkis

and finally if you bought a new yamaha or honda because you think "hey everyone will think its a harley

You own a sign that says "Harley Parking Only" and put it up in your garage.

If you carry a cellphone, a toothbrush, and fresh underwear in your toolbag.

You know you're a yuppie biker if you go to Sturgis, camp at Glencoe in a monster motorhome and leave your bike tied down on your trailer the entire trip. Your main purpose of the trip being to take pictures of the naked people to show the guys back at the office all the wild and crazy bikers you hang out with.

when your fellow bikers says he missed his chopper , you think of lorena bobbitt.

your leather side bags have gucci stenciled in them.

when people mention easy rider your remember your secretary getting bombed at the office xmas party

You know you're a yuppie biker...if you dont know you're a yuppie biker

-you have more different kinds of cycle polish than lubricants in your garage

-you don't know who sonny barger is

-you refer to harley davidson as "the motor company" or "the boys in milwaukee"

-you refer in conversation to the latest road test in "cycle world"

You know yur a yuppie if you use armor-all on yur leathers and dippity-doo on yur ponytail...

You know your a yuppie if you can write a letter on the web without being flashed-- "are you still there?"

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