~the gentle art of near-satire~

Male Bashing: A Social Imperative
by Jandi Aznor

Many pseudo-feminist writings today feature women who preface their opinions with the apologetic caveat, "I don't want to sound like a man-hating feminist, but..."

Well, screw that.

I DO fully intend to sound like a man-hating feminist. I don't apologize for it for one second. I think that men are dangerous animals who should be euthanized for the betterment of society.

If anyone can find a single decent use for men, aside from milking them for their pathetic little dollop of semen for the continuance of the species, please write. Otherwise, I simply offer a fashion tip: consider accessorizing your wardrobe with their sun-bleached bones.

Historically speaking, men have screwed up every single thing they've ever laid their hands on. From government to religion to sexuality, they've cocked it up every time.

Let's explore sexuality for a moment. Let's talk about what men do best:

Whining about sex.

Ah, that old time-honored complaint. Helpful hint: they can't whine after you carve out their tongues.

Human sexual expression can be mesmerizing and beautiful. Sharing your body with another person is a cause for genuine bliss. However, sharing your body with a retarded, knuckle-scraping, quasi-literate ape is another matter.

The almighty cock. God bless it. I know that I personally have nothing better to do than stand about all day admiring an utterly ridiculous little lump of flesh accented by a pair of dangling, sweaty balls. The only more repugnant and unaesthetic thing that I can think of besides a man's testes is those same testes on a corpse. Which may, admittedly, be a distinct improvement. A corpse, after all, can't boast of the size of its genitalia.

Cock size? I couldn't care less. So a man claims to have a ten inch penis. That's all right. I can buy a dildo that's fourteen inches long, and I don't have to listen to its asinine, half-baked opinions after I'm done using it.

Nearly everything, in the hands of men, is instantly converted into a sniggering schoolboy's joke. All references to sex are broken down to their lowest common denominator and transformed into cheap, crass one-liners unworthy to be uttered by any human whose educational level ever surpassed the second grade. Everything is compartmentalized into the holy trinity of tits, ass and pussy. Men will behave like brain-damaged animals at the mere hint of being treated to a glimpse of these anatomical fixtures.

The joke's over, gentlemen. Nearly every woman on the planet has these items. Grow up and get the hell over it.

The fact that men have no lives whatsoever and must content themselves to vampirize every aspect of women's lives, right down to their very sexuality, fills me with no pity. It only convinces me further of the need to hammer nails into their eyes for sport and leisure.

Women, if a man badgers you for sex, break his goddamn jaw. Don't even hesitate.

"Oh, what about all us NICE guys?" some wretch is probably moaning. Well, get it through your head right now. Nice men and the tooth fairy are both beautiful myths, but they don't really exist. No matter how "nice" a guy pretends to be, he's still male. Here's a handy experiment to prove the point. If you're straight, take whatever nice guy you're presently using sexually and cut him off. Just cease having any sexual contact with him altogether.

Watch how fast he turns into a pig.

Sure, he'll do it. They'll all do it, every mother's son of them.

Of course, "sensitive" men do have their merits. They probably deserve the occasional pat on the head. Some of them are actually trying, although they're usually hideously misguided. If you date men at all, they're certainly the ones you want. Dating a macho prick isn't even an option. Those things aren't men; they're target practice.

At any rate, "nice" men also suffer from cultural conditioning. They're conditioned to pay our way into movies, clubs and galleries. They'll buy us dinner, take us to concerts, and generally pay for our kicks in return for sex, which is always the reciprocal part of the bargain. If you're comfortable with such an arrangement, fine. Exploit the living hell out of it. You might also consider an exciting career in prostitution.

Here's a change of pace for you: start paying HIS way into everything. Then when you get him home, make damn sure he goes straight to the bedroom and lies right down on his whoring back. Triple the numerical value of what you just spent on him. If you blew a hundred dollars on dinner, taxis, and a major concert, then that's three hundred minutes of sexual servitude he owes you. Don't allow him to weasel his way out of one single minute of it, either.

It doesn't even matter how drunk, stupid and vulgar you are. In fact, the more patently retarded you act, the better. Be sure to make plenty of references to your genitalia and/or bodily functions.

And don't pause for a moment to bother getting him off. He'd do the same for you.

"We just can't win," men will be whining at this point.

That's right. You can't. So why not go ahead and shoot yourself now?

*

One common statement often leveled against feminists is that such women are merely angry with men because they're too ugly to get laid. Of course, this is such a completely ridiculous statement that it invariably makes me double over with laughter.

I have heard it said for many years (almost always by men, naturally) that feminists are sexless, ugly hags. If that's so, then why is it that I, and thousands of women like me, get sexually propositioned to the point of sheer nausea?

The reverse is usually the case. These women aren't sexless at all. They get as many offers as any other women--and often, even more. In most cases, they're sexually saturated. There is so much sex available that it becomes overbearing. A woman simply cannot escape the topic. She tries to get on with the business of living, maintaining friendships, working, and conducting daily household matters, and then there's some stupid prick who comes along and completely halts progress by trying to get in her pants. And if she denies this witless piece of shit his thirty seconds of glory, just stand by and watch while all hell breaks loose. Suddenly, the woman is the enemy. Frigid or neurotic. As for the man, he might become abusive. He will almost certainly call the woman a "bitch" or a "cunt".

If you encounter such men, throw them out of your life immediately. Become violent if necessary. They are garbage, and garbage gets thrown out.

You sure as hell don't take it to bed with you.

*

Notice that the vast majority of men who bitch and moan about ugly women are pretty damned ugly themselves. It's the classic case of the drooling, stupid lout who sits in his easy chair and berates women for not looking like supermodels. As if he's a real prize himself. As if we're not all rolling on the carpet laughing behind his hairy, pimpled back.

There are distinct reasons that men make such ridiculous statements about women.

We're slamming the door on the sacred cock, so something pathological must be afoot.

Now, if you actually do want a piece of some man's ass, watch what happens to your reputation (as if you could give a rat's ass). What's the difference between the "office stud" and the "office slut"?

None. Except gender discrimination, of course.

So, if you want to be an office stud and screw every man in sight, go for it. Let him function as your everlasting slut. But DON'T let him get involved in your personal life. Fuck him and forget him. He'll be lucky to get that much out of you.

*

Let's move on to the topic of long-term relationships.

A woman who repeatedly enters into abusive relationships with men is not an object of anyone's genuine pity.

She's a chronic idiot.

After the third or fourth such relationship passes with no significant lessons being learned, she's likely beyond hope.

Listen: the very second that a man displays anything that even remotely seems like aggression, throw his ass out the door. Permanently.

Do it at gunpoint, if you must.

Do not EVER tolerate shit from men.

EVER.

*

Of course, women themselves are often part of the larger societal problem.

I know this seems heretical, but think about it for a moment. Like shambling, unthinking zombies, certain women switch off their brains and begin foisting backward, patriarchially-controlled ideas upon other people. If they were unfortunate and silly enough to breed, they'll likely do it to their unsuspecting children. They insist that their daughters "act like ladies" and force them, to the point of violence, to behave. To continuously give in. To stifle their intellect and talents just to make the men and boys around them feel better.

Such mothers, if they can't get over their little problem, should be viewed as utterly incompetent to raise a thinking, intellectually advanced child fit for existence in the twenty-first century. These women were probably once capable of being rational individuals, but no more. They are infected with the virus of male-dominated thought and must be considered extremely dangerous in their own right, particularly if they are actively breeding up a whole new tribe of ignorant, undereducated, insensitive, oversexed, brutal men.

That's right. Men have to come from somewhere, you know.

And since the chances of them having been raised completely by their fathers--or even knowing who the hell their fathers are--are slim to none, one must begin looking elsewhere for the source of the problem.

Now, as for the rights of children themselves, let's not kid anybody.

They don't have any.

*

Children are regularly beaten and humiliated into slavish obedience.

But if more of them killed or permanently maimed their abusive parents, perhaps more parents would think twice about treating their children like so much garbage.

The next time you think about beating a child, just imagine your child lying dead in a coffin. What's more important? Your beautiful child, or some petty matter that will likely resolve itself within twenty-four hours anyhow? If that image doesn't snap you back into remembering what's really important, then think of your own self lying in a puddle of gore with your damned head blown off. Because if you're a child abuser, then that's precisely what your child should do to you at the first available opportunity.

I propose zero tolerance for hate crimes perpetrated by families.

Shoot to kill.

*

Speaking of disasters within the modern family, and men's overwhelming roles therein, men are also the prime culprits in perpetuating the utterly evil and worthless concept of "the nuclear family" and its twin spectre, "family values".

The unholy trinity of Daddy-Mommy-Baby (with Daddy on top, of course) is a primitive throwback. The world could function far better without it.

As for Daddy's place at the top of the family food chain, I cannot think of anything more simultaneously absurd and dangerous than allowing a man to have extended contact with children.

If you doubt what I'm saying for even one second, I invite you to surf porn sites on the Web.

Almost every straight male porn site in existence has links that promise images of "teen pussy". Ah, the thrill of "barely legal" pornographic pictures! Now, these aren't the most popular online attractions by sheer accident. The bottom line is that "barely legal" is a ruse. If there were no laws at all governing the situation, most men would gladly fuck children, which is what the "jailbait" they chronically lust after really are--children.

These brutes fully realize that those girls they're drooling over are some other daddy's daughters. But do you think that concerns men for two seconds? Hell, no. As long as his own children are left alone for his own sexual and emotional consumption, he couldn't give a shit.

In short, if you must use a man for his genetic contribution, don't let him hang around. Do yourself and your offspring a tremendous favor.

Run the bastard off like a mange-ridden dog.

*

Now, if you're the kind of twisted freak who would allow a man to play stepfather to your children, watch him carefully. I mean, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Sleep with your eyes open.

There are a vast number of well-documented and tragic cases of sexual and physical abuse--many ending in the child's death--that have been perpetuated by men who are not the fathers of the children in question.

I have long been under the opnion that step-parenting should be declared illegal.

What kind of woman would invite some random man into her home, and NOT club his worthless head in the very first moment she saw him treating her own children with anything less than respect and dignity? What kind of woman would sell her children down the river for a piece of ass? I have seen cases time and time again in which stepfather-figures, often unrelated even by the half-assed joke of legalized marriage, waltz into women's homes and begin treating the children (and eventually the woman herself) like complete garbage.

Now, whose fault is that?

It is the woman's, if she doesn't have the brains or nerve enough to chase the evil bastard out of her house.

Incidentally, if the reverse happens to be true, and it's the stepmother who is raising hell inside the home, the man MUST exorcise such a demon out of his children's lives.

There are no more excuses for domestic violence.

There is only the ethical obligation to make it stop.

*

Unfortunately, women often function as the authors of their own misery, as well as that of the larger society surrounding them.

Today, there exists a whole race of women who have nothing better to do with their lives than sit around watching talk shows and reading tabloid magazines. They almost invariably have children, usually a multiple litter. Are they doing their part to produce talented, rational children to better society? Hardly. They'll allow their kids to laze around in front of the television all day long, rather than working one-on-one with them to sharpen their critical thinking skills. Obviously, it's easier to deal with a child who can't think. Dealing with children's questions is so much easier when they don't have any.

Of course, the obvious answer to the question of child-rearing is ridiculously simple:

STOP BREEDING.

There is almost no area of the world that could benefit from the introduction of yet more children into its economy. The globe is rapidly becoming overpopulated. Unless you really are capable of producing a household full of rocket scientists, forget about it.

You want to cuddle, love, and control something?

Buy a fucking doll.

*

Of course, all men love a breeder. Keeps the little woman in her place, keeps the kids right within his abusive grasp, and gives him a chance to prove his useless manhood with his laughable, feeble-brained contributions to the gene pool. And it leaves the woman squarely under his thumb. She is now tied to him forever.

Do you like the idea of slavery? Do you cherish the concept of being tied to a man forever?

If not, then rid your life of men, starting today.

YOU DO NOT NEED MEN.

Of course, if you feel a need to use them sexually once in a while, that's all right. Take them to a motel, use them (while simultaneously using plenty of protection), and NEVER give them your home address or telephone number. To do so is extremely dangerous, and only appeals to the stalker in them. And there's a stalker in every damned one of them.

If you should become impregnated, abort the disaster immediately, and get on with your life.

If he acts like a pig, cut his throat like one.

There's an old and famous saying: "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle."

It's never been more true than today.