"I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal" - Calvin via Bill 
Watterson, Something Under the Bed is Droolin

"Or, at least, 
one-tenth of the cabin trunks were full of vivid and often painful and 
uncomfortable memories of her past life; the other nine-tenths were full of 
penguins, which suprised her. Insofar as she recognized at all that she was 
dreaming, she realized she must be exploring her own subconscious mind. She had 
heard it said that humans are supposed to use only about a tenth of their 
brains, and that no one was very clear what the other nine tenths were for, but 
she certainly never heard it suggested that they were used for storing 
penguins." - Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Teatime of the Soul

The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, 
involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The 
hypothalamus controls the "Four F's": 

fighting; 
fleeing; 
feeding; and 
mating. 

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Do androids dream of electric sheep?

All racists who are prepared to die for their country, 
please do that now.

In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe is 
composed of only two basic substances: Magic and bullshit.


God bless Atheism!

I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it 
once was... an arctic wilderness.
--Steve Martin 

If you can not answer a man's argument, all is not lost; you can 
still call him vile names. 
--Elbert Hubbard 

"I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. 
There's a knob called 'brightness,' but it doesn't work."
--Gallagher 

Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it.
--The HHGTTG 

There are three kinds of people: those who can count, 
and those who can't.

"With a rubber duck, one's never alone."
--Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy 

In the first place, God made idiots.  That was for practice.  
Then he made school boards.
--Mark Twain 

Anagrams: 

Dormitory = Dirty Room
Evangelist = Evil's Agent
Desperation = A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code = Here Come Dots
Slot Machines = Cash Lots in 'em
Mother-in-law = Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarm = Alas! No More Z's
A Decimal Point = I'm a Dot in Place
Eleven plus two = Twelve plus one

Don't take life too serious. You'll never escape it alive anyway.
--Elbert Hubbard 

Nature abhors a hero. For one thing, he violates the law of 
conservation of energy. For another, how can it be the survival of 
the fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations 
where he is most likely to be creamed?
--Solomon Short 

"Anyone can fly, all you have to do is throw yourself at the ground and 
miss." -Douglas Adams, Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy

"We are all polylingual but some of us pretend that there's 
virtue in relying on not trying to understand. We're all citizens 
of the womb before we subdivide into sexes and shades, this side, 
that side." - Ani DiFranco, "Work Your Way Out"

"The 'problem with you speech' you gave me was fine, I liked the theories 
about my 'little stage.' And I swore I was listening, but I started drifting 
around the part about me acting my age." - Ben Folds Five, "Best Imitation of 
Myself"

"Don't kill the god of sadness, just don't let her get you 
down..." - Kristin Hersh, "The Letter"

"With every passing hour our solar 
system comes forty-three thousand miles closer to globular cluster M13 in the 
constellation Hercules, and still there are some misfits who continue to insist 
that there is no such thing as progress." - Ransom K. Ferm

"Without 
deviation from the norm, progress is not possible." - Frank Zappa

"Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution 
inevitable" - John F. Kennedy 

"What fun is being "cool" if you can't wear a 
sombrero?" 
- Hobbes via Bill Watterson, Something Under the Bed is 
Drooling

"Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when 
it deserves it." - Mark Twain 

"I am the walrus" - Beatles, "I Am the 
Walrus"

History tends to exaggerate.
--Col. Green
"The Savage Curtain"
stardate 5906.4 

There's no honorable way to kill, no gentle way to destroy. 
There is nothing good in war. Except its ending.
--Abraham Lincoln
"The Savage Curtain"
stardate 5906.5 

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time 
he will pick himself up and continue on.
--Churchill 

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for 
reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
--Einstein 

They sicken of the calm who know the storm.
--Dorothy Parker 

Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked in the 
same oven.
--Yiddish proverb 

"We are each of us angels with only one wing, 
and we can only fly by embracing one another."
--Luciano de Crescenzo 

"Words - so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a 
dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands
of one who knows how to combine them."
--Nathaniel Hawthorne 

"Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong."
--John G. Riefenbaker 

"You can't shake the devil's hand and say you're only kidding."
-They Might Be Giants, "Your Racist Friend"

Don't you eat that yellow snow.
--Frank Zappa 

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom 
that is in it - and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits 
down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid 
again -- and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a 
cold one anymore.
--Mark Twain 

Poets who are not interested in music are, or become, bad poets.
--Ezra Pound 

"Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome 
nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately 
I hate them!"
--Albert Einstein 

"What then is capital punishment but the most premeditated of murders,
 to which no criminal's deed, however calculated it may be, can be 
compared? For there to be an equivalence, the death penalty would 
have to punish a criminal, who had warned his victim of the date at 
which he would inflict a horrible death on him, and who from that 
moment onward had confined him at his mercy for months. Such a 
monster is not encountered in private life."
--Albert Camus

People who know little are usually great talkers, while men who 
know much say little.
--Jean Jacques Rousseau 

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
--Albert Einstein 

An eye for an eye will make the whole world go blind.
--Mahatma Gandhi

"Only when the last tree has been felled, the last river poisoned 
and the last fish caught, man will know, that he cannot eat money."
--Chief Seattle

Whenever they burn books, they will also, in the end, burn people.
-Heinrich Heine 

Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
(Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.) 

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, 
and then go down and meet them with baseball bats.
--Woody Allen, on the KKK 

Sir, your remarks are repugnant to me, and I disagree with your 
viewpoints. But I will defend to the death your right to express them.
--Voltaire 

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, 
but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
--Bill Vaughan 

Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective 
stories.
--Arthur C Clarke 

There are no scientific tests for race... blood is blood, and bone 
is bone. Race is a con game. Don't play.
--Will Shetterly 

If you want to know what god thinks of money, 
just look at the people he gave it to.
--Dorothy Parker 

Lincoln's Gettysburg address has 226 words, The Ten commandments has 
296 words. The US dept. of agriculture's order setting the price of 
cabbage has 15,269 words
--Intelligence Advisor, 1993

Those who don't remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

The mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work unless it's open.
--Frank Zappa 

"I have never been able to see how a thirty-year old moron can vote 
more wisely than a fifteen-year old genius..."
--(Major Reid, Moral Philosopher 7000 AD)
Robert A. Heinlein, "Starship Troopers", 1959 

"Mankind must put an end to War, or War will put an end to Mankind."
--John F. Kennedy 

"We have to face the fact that either all of us are going to 
die together or we are going to learn to live together and if 
we are to live together we have to talk."
--Eleanor Roosevelt 

How do you play religious roulette? 
You stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets 
struck by lightning first

"Let's just say that if complete and utter chaos were lightning, 
he'd be the sort to stand on a mountain in a thunderstorm wearing wet 
copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards'."
--"The Colour of Magic"
Terry Pratchett 

Join the Army! Travel to exotic, distant lands. Meet exciting, 
unusual people, and kill them.
-Joker, Full Metal Jacket (not original) 

Keep Sweden tidy, shoot a tourist.

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

"Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this guy -- but we killed him."

"The story so far: 
In the beginning the Universe was created. 
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as
a bad move."
--Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

If you can't lower heaven, raise hell

Order is for idiots, a genius can handle chaos

The grass is always greener on the other side -- but that's because 
they use more manure.
--Schapiro's Explanation 

It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so 
ingenious.

Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
-Wethern's Law 

When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet. When toast is 
dropped, it always lands butter-side-down. I propose to strap 
buttered toast to the back of a cat, butter facing up. The two will 
hover, spinning, inches above the ground. With a giant 
buttered-toast/cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily 
link New York with Chicago.
--Omni 

How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door 
you're on.

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
--Nethack

People on Jolt cola write the funniest things.
--A-10 Obedience Guide, Kitty Hawk Studios 

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention 
in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns 
and tequila.
--Mitch Ratcliffe, "Technology Review" (1992) 

"First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to 
turn numbers into letters with ASCII -- and we thought it was a 
typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a 
television. With the World Wide Web, we've realized it's a brochure."
--Douglas Adams 

Tips to make your life and reality more computer-adapted: 

Doubleclick all buttons 
Put bookmarks on your favourite locations 
Check your mailbox every 10 minutes 
Start a newsgroup at the noteboard of your local supermarket 
Recover things from the trashbin that you regret you threw away 
When you show emotions, turn your head vertically and make faces 
When something goes wrong during the day, reboot: go home, go to 
sleep and start over 

Rich Cook: "Programming today is a race between software engineers 
striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the 
Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the 
Universe is winning." 

Calvin and Hobbes (Bill Watterson): "The surest sign that 
intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has 
never tried to contact us." 

"They say the pen is mightier than the sword. But have you ever 
tried to kill someone with a papermate?" 
-Unknown 

"Mmm... donuts..." 
-Homer Simpson

"Not only is there's no God, but try getting a plumber on 
weekends." - Woody Allen

Faith is the quality that enables you to eat blackberry 
jam on a picnic without looking to see whether the seeds move.

"The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of 
all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is 
the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to 
administer we presently imagine we own."
-- H.G. Wells 

It is easier to be a "humanitarian" than to render your own country 
its proper due; it is easier to be a "patriot" than to make your 
community a better place to live in; it is easier to be a "civic 
leader" than to treat your own family with loving understanding; 
for the smaller the focus of attention, the harder the task.
-- Sydney J. Harris

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like 
unrequited love.
-- Charlie Brown

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, 
I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home.
-- Groucho Marx 

I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it 
in the streets and frighten the horses.
-- Victor Hugo

"300 eclairs can't be wrong; You just can't argue with 300 chocolate 
eclairs."
-- My Mom

"I like to balance the mad howling diabolism with a dose of scientific
 reality."
- Alan Moore.

There Is No Gravity. The Earth Sucks.
--Brett Easton Ellis, "The Rules of Attraction" 

There are only two sentences you need to remember to survive in life: 

I have no recollection of the events in question. 
The cat did it. 

"I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star, 
in somebody else's sky, but why, why, why can't it be mine?
--Pearl Jam, "Black" 

"With the first link, a chain is forged. The first speech censured, 
the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied --chains us all 
irrevocably."
--Captain Picard, Star Trek: TNG 

"The clergy believe that any portion of power confided to me will be 
exerted in opposition to their schemes. And they believe rightly; for 
I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against any form 
of tyranny known to the mind of man."
--Thomas Jefferson 

When the human body encounters disease it raises its temperature 
making it uncomfortable not only for the body but also for the 
disease. So it global warming the Earth's way of saying we are 
not wanted?
--Charlie Kenna 

It's better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for 
what you are not

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop to look once in awhile, 
you could miss it."
--Ferris Bueller, "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" 

Where one door shuts, another opens.
--Spanish Proverb 

How can you come to know yourself? Never by thinking, always by doing. 
Try to do your duty, and you'll know right away what you amount to. 
And what is your duty? Whatever the day calls for.
--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
--Soren Kierkegaard 

Every man has the right to go to hell by a means of his own choosing.
--Mark Twain
 
"It has been said that if you place an infinite amount of monkies by 
one typewriter each, one of them will eventually write a literary 
masterpiece. The Internet has proven that this is not the case."

"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored."
--Aldous Huxley 

"We do not have the power to change the winds, but we can turn the 
sails." 

It may be Winter outside, but it's always Summer in your armpit.
--Tommy Gorman 

A word to the wise ain't necessary, its the stupid ones who need 
all the advice.
--Bill Cosby 

Those who fear the thorns will never pick the roses... 

The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man 
never worshipped anything but himself. 

"I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it."
--Jack Handy, Saturday Night Live 

"You can't go around building a better world for people. Only 
people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it's just 
a cage."
Terry Pratchett, "Witches Abroad" 

"I know about people who talk about suffering for the common good. 
It's never bloody them! When you hear a man shouting "Forward, 
brave comrades!" you'll see he's the one behind the bloody big 
rock and the wearing the only really arrow-proof helmet!"
--Terry Pratchett, "Interesting Times" 

Words are the litmus paper of the minds. 
--Terry Pratchett, "Small Gods" 

Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off.
--Terry Pratchett, "Small Gods" 

"Wierd people are like chocolate cake... some people can't handle 
the richness"
--Kiki Bernat 

Fashion is for people without personal taste.
--Itamar Gilad 

"Our progress as a nation can be no swifter than our progress in 
education. The human mind is our fundamental resource."
--John F. Kennedy 

All that we see or seem 
is but a dream within a dream
--Edgar Allen Poe 

"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very 
few virtues."
--Abraham Lincoln 

Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent
--Eleanor Roosevelt 

Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and 
he'll believe you... Tell him that a bench has wet paint upon it 
and he'll have to touch it to be sure. 

Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but so would an 80lbs. carrot. 

A successful Dreamer is One wakes up and does something about it...

"Accepting things the way that they are, and wishing them to be 
otherwise, is the tenth of an inch between heaven and hell."

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 

"When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Try to live 
your life so that when you die you will rejoice and the world will 
cry." 

"It is better to be pissed off than pissed on." 

Just when you think you've hit rock bottom, someone goes and 
throws you a shovel. 

It is better to open your eyes and say you don't understand, than 
to close your eyes and say you don't believe. 

Beware of half-truths. You may get the wrong half! 

Fate only takes you so far. Once you're there it's up to you 
to make it happen.

Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what 
they are.

A shadow falling only means that there is a light nearby. 

Don't anthropomorphize computers. They hate that. 

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. Unfortunately,
this doesn't always work.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep. 

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo! 

If everything's coming your way, you might be in the wrong lane. 

Everything is impossible for those who never try. 

I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to 
use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That 
may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us 
from animals. We aren't afraid of vaccuum cleaners. 
--Jeff Stilson 

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock 
every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there 
picking the locks, they are always locking three.
--Elayne Boosler 

Fools rush in and get the best seats.
--Mad Magazine 

Without change something sleeps inside us and seldom awakens. 
The sleeper must awaken.
--Duke Lito Artreides, Dune 

For centuries to come, many years will pass.
--Pat Paulsen 

"Gravity always wins."
--Recent proclamation 

"Certain teachings in the Bible are as diamonds in a dung-heap".
--Thomas Jefferson 

Life is pain. Anybody that tells you differently is selling something.
--William Goldman, "The princess bride" 

A weed is an unloved flower.
--Sherita Mason 

It's a very fine line that separates first class from half assed.
--Robert Jan 

A dog looks up to humans. A cat looks down on people. But a pig 
will look a human in the eye and see its equal.
--Winston Churchill 

Never try to teach a pig to sing. You waste your time, and you annoy 
the pig.
--Farmer Peterson 

Never in the world does hatred cease by hatred; 
hatred ceases by love.
--Buddha 

We first grasp the black paradox at the heart of the human condition 
[when we realize] that the satisfaction of the desire is also the 
death of the desire.
--John Fowles, afterward to Le Grand Meaulnes by Alain-Fournier 

No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created 
it. We must learn to see the world anew.
--Albert Einstein 

It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.
-Prairie Home Companion 

"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark 
side, and it holds the universe together."

"If I won't be myself, who will?"
--Alfred Hitchcock 

Prosperity discovers vice, adversity discovers virtue.
--Francis Bacon 

I am not young enough to know everything.
--Sir James M. Barrie 

The large print giveth, the small print taketh away.
--Penn of Penn & Teller 

Politeness is just a matter of phrasing.
--L J Stafford 

"The true poem rests between the words."

"All my life I wanted to be someone ; I guess I should of been 
more specific".
--Jane Wagner 

Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.
--Murphys Laws 

When we remember that we are all mad, the mysteries dissappear 
and life stands explained.
--Mark Twain 

The jump is so frightening between where I am and where 
I want to be... But for all I may become I will close my 
eyes and leap!
--M.C. Hershey 

Hard work makes good luck.
--General Colin Powell (US Army retired) 

If the point of life is to have fun than why are we all still here.
--Dane Coleman 

"It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
 it's the size of the fight in the dog."

"If you can read this, then you're close enough that 
I can slam on my brakes and sue you for all you're worth".
--Bumper Sticker 

The secret to life is that there is no secret at 
all and you don't get your money back.

All those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand...

A rebel with a cause is a hero; a rebel without one is stupid.
--Jason Wells 

Life is what happens while your making other plans.
--John Lennon 

I'd like to quit thinking of the present as some 
minor insignificant preamble to something else.
--Dazed and confused

Quotes are all words of expierence. If you listen, 
you won't make the same mistakes.
--Aratee 

It is not forgive and forget. It is forgive and learn. 
Never forget the past.
--Aratee 

Artificial intellegence is no match for natural stupidity.
--Sarah Chambers 

Things turn out best for those who make the best of the 
way things turn out.
--Art Linkletter 

Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do 
on a rainy afternoon.
--Susan Ertz 

Never judge a book by its movie.
--J. W. Eagan 

One good turn gets most of the blankets.
--Emo Phillips 

"What women do to each other is beyond description. 
No Chinese torture comes close."
--Tori Amos 

I love animals, they taste great.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Entropy isn't what it used to be.

History does not repeat itself, -- historians merely repeat each other.

The road to to success is always under construction.

Wasting time is an important part of life.

Dave Mack: "Your stupidity, Allen, is simply not up to par."
Allen Gwinn: "Yours is."

Money talks. Chocolate sings.

"Madness may be a sane response to an insane world, and insanity 
breeds special perceptions."-R.D. Lang, psychologist

"Adolescence is a kind of emotional seasickness. Both are funny, 
but only in retrospect."

"Today, well lived, makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, 
and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore, to 
This Day."-Sanskrit proverb

"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is
 no path and leave a trail."-Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; 
I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend."-Albert Camus

"For tomorrow may rain, so I'll follow the sun."-Paul McCartney

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their
 dreams."-Eleanor Roosevelt

"Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things 
you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. 
Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your 
sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
-Mark Twain

"Truth is not determined by majority vote."
-Doug Gwyn

"Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."
-Chinese Proverb

"Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns. I am 
thankful that thorns have roses."
-Alphonse Karr

"If a man loses pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he 
hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music in which he 
hears, however measured, or far away."
-Henry David Thoreau

"To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better 
than a thousand heads bowing in prayer."
-Gandhi

"And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's 
the life in your years."
-Abraham Lincoln

"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today."
-James Dean

"The eskimos have 52 words for snow because it is so special to them; 
there ought to be as many for love!"
-Margaret Atwood

"I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean."
- G.K. Chesterton

"When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: 
I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me." 
-- Woody Allen 

"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a 
function." -- Unknown 

"A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely 
rearranging their prejudices." -- William James 

You know nothing for sure...except the fact that you know nothing for
 sure. 
--JFK 

"I hate quotations. Say what you mean."
-Emerson

No artist is ahead of his time. He is his time. It is just that 
the others are behind the time.
-Martha Graham

Movies are so rarely great art that if we cannot apprecieate 
the great trash we have very little reason to be interested 
in them.
-Pauline Kael

Hollywood's a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for 
a kiss, and fifty cents for your soul.
-Marilyn Monroe

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is 
both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is 
interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.
-Rod Serling

Interpretation is the revenge of the intellect on art.
-Susan Sontag

I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell 
this at a glance - a sharp, vindictive glance.
-James Thurber

I was educated once, and it took me years to get over it.
-Ashleigh Brilliant

It is often wise to ignore scholars.
-Bernard Cornwell

Dullard: someone who looks up a thing in the encyclopedia, 
turns directly to the entry, reads it, and then closes the book.
-Philip Jose Farmer

It isn't knowledge that's making trouble, but the uses it's 
being put to.
-Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

Everything is normal. It's just that some normal things are 
weirder than other normal things.
-Steven Brust (in Teckla)

Life ain't easy. But then, if it was, everybody would be doing it.
-Harlan Ellison

I've reflected. It is fate. Everything is fate.
-spoken by George Emerson, in "Room With a View"

Of course life is bizarre. The more bizarre it gets, 
the more interesting it is. The only way to approach 
it is to make yourself some popcorn and enjoy the show.
-David Gerrold

There is no normal life... there's just life.
-Spoken by Doc Holiday, in "Tombstone"

Nothing gives you more zest than running for your life.
-Robert A. Heinlein

Sometimes the only sane response to an insane world is insanity.
-Spoken by Fox Mulder, on "The X-Files"

Just because they're paranoid, doesn't mean 
they're not out to get you.
-Spoken by Fox Mulder, on "The X-Files"

Isn't it all wonderfully barbaric?
-Spoken by Q, on "Star Trek: The Next Generation

I have come to the conclusion after many years of 
sometimes sad experience, that you cannot come to 
any conclusion at all.
-Vita Sackville-West

It has been said that life is only a short biological 
process taking place on a very minor planet; but it's my 
process and my planet, and that makes it important to me.
-Kathleen Sky

Man is like a novel: up to the last page one does not 
know what the end will be. It would not be worth reading otherwise.
-Yevgeni Zamiatin

I am two fools, I know,
For loving, and for saying so
In whining poetry.
-John Donne, "The Triple Fool"

Music is love in search of a word.
--Sidney Lanier

Revolutionaries do not make revolutions.
The revolutionaries are those who know when power 
is lying in the street and then they can pick it up.
-Hannah Arendt

Before a war, military science seems a real science, like 
astronomy. But after a war it seems more like astrology.
-Dame Rebecca West

You can't say civilization isn't advancing: in every war
they kill you in a new way.
-Will Rogers

Corruption empowers, Harry, and absolute corruption empowers 
absolutely.
-Spoken by Eli Chalerin, in "Blood Ties"

Comedians and politicians each tell the audience what it 
wants to hear. The difference is that the audience laughs 
at the comedian and the politician laughs at the audience.
-Alexis A. Gilliland

Freedom is fragile and must be protected. To sacrifice it, 
even as a temporary measure, is to betray it.
-Germaine Greer

Democracy. The worst political system in the world... Except for 
all the others.
-Spoken by Alexander Lucard, on "Dracula: The Series"

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, 
diagnosing it incorrectly, and then applying the wrong remedies.
-Groucho Marx

No one, no government agency, has jurisdiction over the truth.
-Spoken by Fox Mulder, on "The X-Files"

You can't take away people's right to be assholes!
-Simon Phoenix, in Demolition Man

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and 
randomly enforced.
-Frank Zappa

Democracy is the reccurrent suspicion that more than half 
of the people are right more than half the time.
-E.B. White

When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, 
we're schizophrenic.
-Lily Tomlin

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that 
heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!), 
but "that's funny..."
-Isaac Asimov

With the stones we cast at them, genius build new roads for us.
-Paul Eldridge

Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.
-Alan Watts

The young do not know enough to be prudent, and therefore they 
attempt the impossible - and achieve it, generation 
after generation.
-Pearl S. Buck, The Goddess Abides

The probability of someone watching you is directly proportional 
to the stupidity of your actions.

There's a world of difference between truth and facts. 
Facts can obscure the truth.
-Maya Angelou

Thin people are thin because they don't know any better.
-Isaac Asimov

"Cynical" is a term invented by optimists to describe realists.
-Gregory Benford

Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
-Ashleigh Brilliant

If the world were a logical place, men would ride side-saddle.
-Rita Mae Brown

A person who speaks cleverly is witty; one who asks 
questions is smart.
-Terry Carr

It's amazing what one can accomplish when one doesn't know 
what one can't do.
-Jim Davis

Dignity is not only knowing when to duck, it's also knowing 
how to look like a gourmet when you take a pie in the face.
-Harlan Ellison

A day without sunshine is like... night.
-Harlan Ellison

Early mornining cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.
-William Feather

Always be sincere, whether you mean it or not.
-Michael Flanders

Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, more intelligently.
-Henry Ford

You can't enslave a free man. Only person can do that 
to a man is himself. The most you can do to a free man 
is to kill him.
-Robert A. Heinlein

Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.
-Rober A. Heinlein

Always be smarter than the people who hire you.
-Lena Horne

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.
-Aldous Huxley

The only completely consistent people are dead.
-Aldous Huxley

A candle loses nothing of its light by lighting another candle.
--Kelly

To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.
--George Macdonald

Expect the worst, and you won't be disappointed.
-Helen MacInnes

Cuius testiculos habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum.
(When you've got them where it counts, their hearts 
and minds will follow)
-Terry Pratchett

If all the year were playing holidays, 
to sport would be as tedious as to work.
--William Shakespeare

To get rid of an enemy, one must love him.
--Leo Tolstoy

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, 
you're still a rat.
-Lily Tomlin

Emotion's always the enemy of true Justice.
-spoken by TwoFace, in Batman Forever

Guidelines for Bureaucrats:
1. When in charge, ponder.
2. When in trouble, delegate.
3. When in doubt, mumble.
-James H. Boren

The trouble with this country is that there are 
too many people going about saying, "The trouble 
with this country is-"
-Sinclair Lewis

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when 
I'm having a good time.
-Nancy, Lady Astor

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose 
with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
-P.J. O'Rourke

Criminal: a person with predatory instincts who has 
not sufficient capital to form a corporation.
-Howard Scott

Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
-Lily Tomlin

If you read a lot of books, you're considered well-read. 
But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well-viewed.
-Lily Tomlin

Literature is the memory of humanity.
-Isaac Bashevis Singer

Fiction reveals truths that reality obscures.
-Jessamyn West

The best time for planning a book is while 
you're doing the dishes.
-Agatha Christie

It is wonderful that our society can find a place for 
the criminally literal-minded. 
-Alice Kahn (on Copy Editors)

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university 
stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle 
enough of them. There's many a bestseller that could 
have been prevented by a good teacher.
-Flannery O'Connor

My verses are no damn good.
-Dorothy Parker

Some say life is the thing, but I prefer reading.
-Ruth Rendell

A classic is something that everybody wants to have 
read and nobody wants to read.
-Mark Twain

"Coffee makes it possible to get out of bed; chocolate makes 
it worthwhile."

"Don't worry about temptation--as you grow older, it 
starts avoiding you." 
-- Old Farmer's Almanac 

"Governments change...the lies stay the same."
-James Bond, Goldeneye

"We are the music makers, we are the dreamers of dreams."
-Roald Dahl

Quotation: something that somebody said that seemed to make sense
 at the time.
~ Egon J. Beaudoin

Love your enemy - it'll drive him nuts.
~ Anonymous

Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.
~ Josh Billings

A good writer is not, per se, a good critic. No more than a 
good drunk is automatically a good bartender.
~ Jim Bishop

Philosophy is common sense in a dress suit.
~ Oliver S. Braston 

Psychoanalysis is confession without absolution.
~ G.K. Chesterton

"The superior man understands what is right; the inferior 
man understands what will sell"
~ Confucious

"To be nobody but yourself -in a world which is doing its 
best, night and day, to make you like everybody else- 
means to fight the hardest battle which any human being 
can fight, and never stop fighting."
~ E.E. Cummings

There is no money in poetry; but then there is no poetry in 
money either.
~ Robert Graves

Heresy is only another word for freedom of thought.
~ Graham Greene

A house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived.
~ Rose Macaulay

If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could 
have a pretty good time.
~ Edith Wharton

Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory.
~ Franklin P. Adams

"Next to being witty yourself, the best thing is to 
quote another's wit."
~ Christian N. Bovee

Television: a medium. So called because it is neither 
rare nor well done.
~ Ernie Kovacs