It's stunning when you lose that which you love the most especially when it's based on the actions of supposedly "good" people who were "good" friends or a "good" spouse or followers of a "good" God. It doesn't matter whether their actions were deliberate or not, you're still left with the consequences and consequences do not lie. Good and evil become very blurred when you stare at an empty room of a loved one. No support. No help. Just silence. Unfortunately, I have no answers -- only questions and the aftermath of pain. Powerlessness is a terrible thing. No one really seems to have the "answers" (if there are any) and platitudes end up strewn all over the place.
I've always wondered if moralism exists as a vanguard or gatekeeper to keep people from facing reality and to avoid the subsequent pain. The teaching of doing good is usually perpetuated via churches, schools, and families (among various other modes). However, as soon as you step out of the door of those confines you're faced with a hard, cold reality; the suppposed good people are nowhere to be found or they want nothing to do with you. Is morality a thin veneer merely covering our nasty duplicitous nature? Or is it in place to keep us from arriving at some very tough conclusions? Once again, I'm not sure and I have no completely satisfying alternatives, only questions.
To put it on a simplistic level, the workplace is one example most people could relate to concerning the confusion between good and evil. Many cruel things are done to people when they're on the job and have you ever noticied that nice guys definitely finish last at work? In our materialistic culture we've all seen a certain scenario played out over and over again. The heartless assholes climb the ladder or flippantly cause you to lose your job. I've seen and experienced this again and again and again. It makes me wonder, are the "good" people really, genuinely "good" or are they weak? Why do I take it? Why do we take it? Charles Bukowski wrote in The Genious of the Crowd:
Responding to evil with good is very difficult, it seems to be contrary to our natural impulses or reactions, and it is very emotionally unsatisfying. And so most of us look to another level for some sort of satisfaction. We look to some sort of external authority of some kind, the ultimate authority being God.
God is supposedly good. This is almost a universally accepted premise and it is also a fundamental tenet of most religions. However, if you're a thinking person and if you've observed reality, people, and how the world functions you have to at least wonder about God's supposed goodness. This world, at times, is a very hard and merciless place; our culture is the same way. Factor in God and Christians and it doesn't help matters that they (both the christian god and his followers) seem to be arbitrary, cruel, inflexible, reactionary, jingoistic, narrow-minded, judgmental, and contradictory. Why? I've seen virtually no exceptions to this and I've experienced nothing but pain from them. The world can say the same thing. What group of people have been responsible for the most murders, wars, and destruction of the land? Do the research, and you'll find out. Ancient and contemporary history corroborates this.
Exponentially, this leads to further questioning. On every level of reality, is good torqued and is the ultimate reality (God) evil? The Gnostics used to teach that the God who created this world and matter (Ialdabaoth) is evil, or at least, he is a punitive tyrant and megalomaniac. According to the Gnostics, Ialdabaoth was merely an inferior lower emanation from the One or the Void (the ultimate deity above matter, creation, language, etc). Is Ialdabaoth the God of not only the Christians but the other two major theistic religions as well? In other words, is the ultimate symbol for good (God) merely an insidious evil? I don't know but in light of my many experiences and reflections I wonder.
Last but not least, to cover all angles, we should look within, too. We should question human nature (including our own). Isn't interesting that if you're good natured and nice you will, sooner or later, suffer unduly at the hands of others (mostly from people who claim to be good)? Please understand, I'm not necessarily advocating criminal or nefarious activity nor do I participate in either one, I'm just making observations. Yet, it is also a paradox that we cause pain and suffering toward others, too. We all seem to experience personifications of an intertwining of chaos and order. It is confusing when it is the supposed good that has left the most pain in your life.
The lines of demarcation between good and evil are very difficult and may remain unclear unless we can make some sort of allowance for a philosophical feedback loop -- transcending duality. The Buddhist teach that one of the goals of a spiritually evolving individual should be "no karma." The goal is not "good" karma or "bad" karma -- it's no karma. In other words, they teach a transcendance of a self-perpetuating "either/or" paradigm (i.e. good and evil). This offers an interesting "out" from the vicious, perpetual good/evil quagmire. Otherwise "good" is found to be lacking something and one remains churning in the waters of unfulfilled justice, contradiction, and the residual fallout of emotional pain.
On the other hand, "evil" offers some gratification and fleeting pleasure but the consequences are almost always terrible & irreversible. Just look at history (ancient or contemporary) and you'll see what I mean.
But even with transcending duality there is a problem. It doesn't seem to satisfy the soul or emotions during the process of painful losses. It's not very empathetic, in fact, it comes across as being somewhat clinical. One's soul is left hungry and wanting something of substance. Maybe there is wisdom to be found in a combined approach which would allow transcendance of duality and simultaneous satisfaction for the soul? This then becomes a possible pursuit or quest. One hopes for the best but hope is not enough. I see the empty room of a loved one in my apartment, that person is gone due to the actions of "good" people and I feel pain. I can transcend this pain and I am doing so very slowly. But what about my soul? What about our souls in the process?
"It is bad when one thing becomes two" -- Hagakure
