Dude! Isn't college supposed to be "the best time of your life"? WRONG!! Well, I guess for some people it is, but so far, for me, it's been nothing but a big pain in the @$$!! Now, for the first time ever, you can read exactly WHY college sucks. In two little words: DESIGN CLASS. Ahh..Design 2D--the stupidest, most pointless, & most confusing class in the history of Edinboro University. All we do is cut and paste little pieces of paper, but there are about 50 million rules to follow, and no matter what, it's never "right." Hate it. Hate it, hate it, hate it!!

Here, for your reading enjoyment, are actual instructions for a couple of my assignments in that class. Read at your own risk...when you're done, you may feel stupider for having read it. I know I did!

Assignment IV

Part 1.) Create a dynamic composition using identical 1/4" stripes on an implied 4 1/2" x 6" horizontal rectangle on a piece of bristol board (8" x 9"). The margins of the border should be 1 1/2" on the top & sides, 2" on the bottom. Within the rectangle, the stripes will be parallel to each other. The object is to create a feeling of verticality on the horizontal rectangle, while keeping a dynamic interplay btw. the stripes and the ground space. The rectangle should be implied w/ the stripes, not marked in. You may use as many or as few stripes as you want. Stripes cannot be true verticals, they must be set at an angle. (Lemme get this straight...we're supposed to make a horizontal rectangle "look" vertical, using slanted stripes???!!) Stripes must extend to the edges of the rectangle, but not pass them. They cannot overlap, but the spacings may be different.

Things to Consider: Number of stripes must be enough to imply the rectangle. There must be dynamic tension btw. the white paper & black stripes. There must be enough stripes to suggest a vertical. (Whatever the heck that means!)

If anyone understood that, explain it to me! Oh, it gets better...

Part 2.) Use the same size bristol board as before, but the margins are as follows: top 1 1/4", sides 1 1/2", bottom 1 3/4" The object is to use (ooh, get this:) HORIZONTAL stripes on a HORIZONTAL ground to create a feeling of VERTICALITY!!! (How the #$@#$ am I supposed to do THAT??? But it gets even better...) The stripes should "read" as horizontals, but not be true horizontals. They must be at a slight angle. The stripes are to be varied in size and spacing. They can extend completely across the rectangle, but some must be partial (cut). Additionally, you must subtlely imply 2 vertical divisions by using cut & whole strips. The divisions will be straight edges; the cuts will be at 90 degree angles to the verticals. Verticals will not actually BE vertical, because they will be perpendicular to the other stripes (which weren't REAL horizontals!). The stripes may not touch on the sides, but may touch on the ends and/or corners.

Things to Consider: The stripes must retain their identity as stripes. Find which angle gives the most dynamic feeling. Vertical divisions should be subtle, but their placement should be dynamic.

Would you believe there are 2 MORE of these? I just don't feel like typing them anymore. Anyone who is thinking, "Oh, it just sounds confusing because I'm not an art student"...YOU ARE WRONG!!! The whole class was just sitting there gaping at him. I swear my teacher is on crack. To top it off, there is "no right & wrong, it depends on perception" yet we get graded based on HIS perception!

That was only part of one assignment. Check out this one:

Assignment V

Goal: Integrate 2 groups of opposing parallel lines. Each group is at an oblique angle (not horizontal or vertical) but is oriented towards vertical. Create a series of implied OR actual divisions that integrate the opposing parallel line groupings & which permit the eye to move horizontally across the composition.

Rules: Each of the 2 groups consists of parallel stripes, extended or fragmented (cut) of varying widths. The stripes can be cut at divisions at any angle. Where divisions occur, opposing groups of stripes can touch, or may be separated by a negative space (white) stripe, as long as the white stripe belongs to one of the groupings. Maintain the identity of the stripes. The divisions can occur anyplace within the ground, creating or implying edges that go in any direction. The divisions do not need to be parallel to each other. The divisions should be used to integrate the 2 groups of stripes, and to create a horizontal energy so that vertical elements do not dominate the composition.

Grade: The exercise will be graded according to the following criteria: the design should integrate the opposing groupings of stripes so that neither group dominates the composition; a variety of divisions will successfully create a counterbalancing horizontal effect upon the eye; the visual elements will offer variety with unity as well as subtlety. As usual, craft and presentation will also be considered.

WHAT THE #$%#@#$ IS HE TALKING ABOUT??! Can't the guy ever show us an EXAMPLE? And you know what else? All this crap about "subtlety" is a bunch of bull...because when we have in-class critiques, he says they aren't OBVIOUS enough! MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!! Don't worry, it gets even worse!

Assignment V, Part II

Goal: Create a composition of groups of straight and "arced" stripes (Do you know how hard it is to cut out a perfectly symmetrical "arced" stripe?!). The stripes within each grouping will be parallel to each other, but the groupings do not need to relate to each other as parallels. While integrating groupings of straight and arced stripes, you will create a horizontal movement across the composition.

Rules: Arced stripes will be created with the aid of a compass (and of course, mine had to break during this assignment). The scale of the circle and length and width of the circle fragment will determine how subtle or obvious your arced stripe will be. Consider how subtle or obvious you want the arced stripes to read as you attempt to integrate them with the straight stripes. A very subtle arced stripe may be easier to integrate with the straight stripe, but may not offer as much visual variety (Grrr...). Likewise, a stripe which arcs dramatically may distract from the overall composition and read as a circle. Consider a variety of arced stripes.

Parallel stripes within groupings may extend through the composition or be fragmented (cut). The stripes may vary in width. The groupings may go in any direction. Divisions between groupings may be implied in the manner of the previous exercises, or by overlapping the groupings. Remember that the white intervals are also stripes (a black stripe could continue through another grouping as a white "negative space" stripe).

Divisions may occur anywhere in the composition, at any angle. In creating divisions, consider how to achieve a sense of unity among the straight and arced stripes while maintaining variety. Consider how the divisions will help create a horizontal movement across the composition.

Grade: Criteria for grading this exercise will be the subtle integration of different types of stripes, dynamic groupings of stripes that show a horizontal movement across the composition, and overall sense of variety with unity. Craft and presentation count.

Ok, this all looks like Chinese to me...what about any of you out there? Does it make sense to anyone? No one in my class "gets it". And we spend about 5 hours or so on each section of his homework (2-5 sections, usually)!!!