Compact Discs: a user's guide

Encountering difficulties with new technology is inevitable, particularly when the technology involved is dependent on expensive and easily-damaged components. However, the Cactus Jack's Massacre is pleased to offer this simple and easy-to-use guide, written to help even the most stubborn Luddite find some degree of success (however slight) with those silvery round musicmakin' doohickeys.


Q: Why won't the disc play? / Why do the songs tend to a massive amount of skippage?

A: Look at the surface of the disc. See how it resembles the surface of Mars? This is generally caused by


Q: Can I abuse a disc if the artist involved is a talentless, horrible slag?

A: On the contrary. This type of disc makes up the highest percentage of music consumed in this country, and thus will make a perfect "emergency" birthday present for your best friend. You should be sure to take care of ALL your discs, even the ones you don't like. This helps to protect your investment and ensure top value is received when the time comes to pawn them for Kraft Dinner money.


Q: Why did the pawnshop clerk go into a hysterical fit of laughter when I brought in my collection?

A: The clerk probably looked at the surface of the discs. It may also have something to do with the fact that the demand for works by Technotronic and Vanilla Ice has decreased somewhat in recent years.


Q: How much are my discs worth? Could I make money off them?

A: This all depends what discs you have and what you originally paid for them. If you stole them of course it's all profit, unless they are copies of "Let Your Dim Light Shine" by Soul Asylum, in which case you will have to pay someone to take them off your hands. Expect $3-4 each hawking them to a used store, but much better profit can be had selling them to other consumers through various channels (online auctions, flea markets, trading for drugs, etc).

Good results are theoretically possible from:

Poor results have been noted in attempts to sell off:


Q: How do I properly care for my discs?

A: Here are some simple guidelines.

  1. Put the disc back in its case when you are finished with it. Do not leave the disc on the ground, as this practice can and will lead to cracking of discs after stepping on them.

  2. Stepping on broken jewel cases can also result in slight irritation from plastic shards / splinters embedded in your foot. After the CDs are safely stored in their cases, put the cases in a proper holder.

    Examples of proper holders:

    • storebought CD holder
    • CD holder made in shop class
    • sturdy cardboard box
    • bookshelf

    Examples of improper holders:

    • your kitchen sink
    • the back window of your car
    • thrown into an empty 10 gallon drum
    • your floor

    And yes, CD holders are intended to hold CD jewel cases. They are not (as is widely believed) miniature racks for paperback books.

  3. Refrain from throwing the disc and/or case distances greater than two metres.

  4. Do not use the disc as a coaster, as this diminishes its trade-in value.

  5. Should you disregard the above and use disc as a coaster, do not wash spilled sticky beverage substances off by placing the disc in your dishwasher or clothes washing machine.

  6. Do not eat chips or other greasy foods while perusing your CDs, as touching the booklets while you have grease on your fingers results in indelible grease marks.
    WARNING Disregarding this precaution when looking at CDs owned by other people can result in fatal injury or death.

  7. Do not expect the disc to play at its previous sound quality after you have attempted to melt or burn it.


- Shania Hemingway




Content of this page is copyrighted

Link Marketing Company | Minnesota Bank Foreclosures | Wii Game-Free Download Games&Ringtones | 5-Card Poker Game | Blinds