A day in the life
News:
I won the lottery the other day and so I think I'll be moving to Florida where I can help the Cuban government to overthrow the Florida Keys. I'm getting married next week: thank God for backwards Banana republics that still believe in mail-order marriages. The three degrees that I got when I was at university have all turned platinum so the University has decided to give me an honorary degree: the first ever conferred to a twenty year old. There was a fire at the old Hayworth Mill, and I ended up saving an entire daycare that was visiting at the time. I have cancer, tuberculosis, smallpox, and the worst thing of all... I never learned how to read! (Oscar clip) I was selected as part of a select group of astronauts to help stop a comet that is hurtling towards Earth at a rapacious rate (I love the word rapacious...much like ramshackle and cantankerous and caterwauling). The band Aerosmith phoned me up and said, "Hey man, you're a musical genius..." I told them that their music sucked and that I was already looking at joining the Foo Fighters.
Introspective Reflection:
There isn't really much to my life. I spend most days looking in the mirror and combing my hair (when I'm not at the gym and taking creatin). I like to spend my time trying on new pairs of jeans at the Gap and listening to Savage Garden. I call people that I don't know "Buddy" and find Fridays to be a much better day to get hammered than Saturday. My favorite magazines: Popular Mechanics, Guns and Ammo, Popular Outdoorswoodsman.
Complaints about Popular Products:
I hate "Tide." For real cleaning power, I use Borax. Borax isn't like the other detergents/disinfectants out there...It has Mule Power! The power to chemically soak and strip away any alien presences that may have been on my clothing after hours of wear and tear.
- Chuck Bradley
