Uncompleted screenplays

Frosty the Hitman:
A ninety minute feature film about a snowman who makes a living as a hitman. This one didn't make it past the actual title.

Ygor's Family:
A Canadian film, focusing on the fascinating multicultural Lithuanian/Algerian community in Newfoundland, whose mass exodus to Canada during the Porridge Riots of 1821 is well documented. Ygor is torn between his family's traditional values: selling discount tires to industrial automotive firms, and the fascinating new land of opportunity that Canada presents to him: selling retail tires to upper middle class families.

Joseph Smith - Horse Thief!:
Back when I was in Lethbridge I used to taunt the Mormons I knew by pointing out that Joseph Smith (the crazy founder of Mormonism) was a horse thief. This would be the only western action-adventure piece banned in Utah.

Family Ties: The Movie:
Since most of the cast of Family Ties is unemployed (well, except Michael J. Fox), I could cast them all (except Michael J. Fox) for my film. Sure, one could argue that a 90-minute feature film about "Family Ties" should have MJF in it, but - eh - I'm sure we could write around him.

Wrestlers, Wrestlers, Everywhere:
This film would be 90 minutes of professional wrestlers running around breaking things and screaming and flexing their muscles. I would have Wagner playing in the background and a laugh track every time a wrestler broke something.

Barbercide:
What can I say? Barber goes crazy and uses every possible barbershop tool incorrectly. Main character would be named "Todd Sweeney" after Sweeney Todd to add a classy touch to the film (although one could argue that having a film that consists largely of a barber eliminating his clients would be kinda unclassy).

- James McLuhan IV




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