Warning: no smoochies, gratuitous cruelty to Cassie, unflattering Carolyn reference, blatant, shameless stealing from George Lucas, and an anticlimactic ending. All of a sudden I'm wondering why anyone would want to *read* this...

// A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...//

The scarred and battered space pirate sat in the scummy cantina, and took a moment to study at the two men who had just slid into his booth. Twitching nervously on the left was a young man dressed in white, long hair pulled back in a ponytail. His wide blue eyes betrayed a certain innocence, and his hands, tapping nervously on the table, were strong and callused; a typical Cascadine farm-boy. If a desert planet could be said to have backwaters, this kid was definitely the product of one.

The other new arrival, though, was harder for the smuggler to pin a label on. Taller even than the space pirate, the older, dark-skinned man carried himself with a subtle dignity. He was dressed in a long brown robe, like a desert hermit. But in seeking out the smuggler, he had moved quickly and carefully, and chosen his words well, like a man used to command.

The smuggler observed all this in a moment, then held out his hand to the older of the two men.

"Jim Solo." he said. "I'm captain of the Millennium Jaguar."

The dark-skinned man nodded, and spoke. "I'm Simon Kenobi, and this is my friend Blair Sandwalker. We're looking for passage to the Australiaan system."

"What's the cargo?" Jim asked.

"Only passengers." said the older man, Simon. "Myself, the boy, two droids, and no questions asked."

Jim nodded. "What is it? Some kind of local trouble?"

"Let's just say we'd like to avoid any Imperial entanglements." said Simon.

"Well, that's the trick, isn't it?" Jim said, and grinned slyly. "And it'll cost you, extra. Ten thousand in advance."

"Ten thousand?" blurted the kid disbelievingly. "Come on, man-- we could almost buy our own ship for that!"

Jim studied the farmboy coolly. "And who'd fly it, Chief? You?"

"You bet I could-- I'm not such a bad pilot myself!" Sandwalker exclaimed. It was kind of cute actually, Jim thought. But he didn't have the time or the inclination right now to put the moves on the pretty farmboy-- Jim Solo was a man liked to avoid all entanglements. Imperial or otherwise.

"We don't have to sit here and listen--" Blair continued indignantly, then broke off as Simon put a hand on his arm.

"We haven't that much with us. But we could pay you two thousand now, plus fifteen when we reach Australiaan." Simon told Jim.

"Seventeen, huh!" Jim pondered that for a minute. "Okay. You guys have got yourself a ship. We'll leave as soon as you're ready. Docking bay three-oh-seven."

Simon nodded. "Three-oh-seven it is."

Jim raised his eyebrows as a group of Imperial stormtroopers entered the bar suddenly, bellied up to the bar and began asking the bartender questions. The bartender pointed to the booth where Jim sat, and the stormtroopers headed over. But by the time they got there, Blair and Simon had slipped away. Jim smiled innocently at the stormtroopers, who shot a disgusted glance at the bartender and left.

"Seventeen thousand," Jim mused as the stromtroopers left the cantina. Those guys must really be desperate, he thought. This could really save my neck... Finishing his drink, Jim rose from his booth, and bumped straight into Cassie, a short, female alien with green, pebbly skin.

Damn, thought Jim.

"Going somewhere, Solo?" asked the alien hitwoman, poking her gun into Jim's side.

"Yeah, Cassie." Jim replied, and Cassie twitched her blaster, urging Jim back into the booth. "As a matter of fact, I was just going to see your boss. Tell Carolyn I've got her money." Jim sat down, and Cassie slid into the booth across from him, pointing the gun leisurely over the table.

"It's too late. You should have paid her when you had the chance." Cassie chortled. "Carolyn's put a price on your head so large, every bounty hunter in the galaxy will be looking for you. I'm lucky I found you first."

"Yeah," Jim explained, "but this time I got the money."

"If you give it to me," the little alien wheedled, "I might forget I found you."

"I don't have it with me. Tell Carolyn--"

Cassie shook her head. "Carolyn's through with you. She has no time for smugglers who drop their shipments at the first sign of an Imperial cruiser."

Jim sighed, and shifted in his seat, dropping his hand casually under the table. "Even I get boarded sometimes," he growled to distract Cassie from his movements. "Do you think I had a choice?"

"Tell that to Carolyn. She may only take your ship."

"Over my dead body." Jim said calmly.

"That's the idea." Cassie smiled. One green, scaly finger stroked the trigger of her blaster. "You know, Solo, I've been looking forward to killing you for a long time."

"I bet you have." said Jim, and fired. A smoky, noisy blast startled the other patrons of the bar, who looked over to see Cassie's body, slumped over the table.

Jim smirked and got up, flipping the man behind the bar some coins as he left. "Sorry about the mess."

//At that very moment, somewhere off in space...//

On the space station known as the Death Star, a handsome man wearing an all-black cloak, black boots and gloves, leaned over a meeting table surrounded by grey-clad officers. "The Princess' resistance to the mind probe is considerable." Lord Brackett said. "It will be some time before we can extract any information from her."

A Imperial Officer of lower rank stepped up to the table. "The final check-out is complete, sirs. All systems are operational. What course shall we set?"

A generously proportioned blonde in a grey uniform rose from her seat. "Lord Brackett?"

The Dark Lord turned. "Yes, Governor Alex?"

"Perhaps the princess would respond to an alternative form of persuasion." the blonde said coolly.

"What do you mean?" Brackett asked.

"I think it is time we demonstrate the full power of this station," said Alex, and turned to the lower-ranking officer. "Set your course for Princess Megan's home planet of Australiaan!"

//Back on Cascadine...//

Simon and Blair were approaching the dingy hole that was Docking Bay 307.

"Oh, man. What a piece of junk." Blair exclaimed upon spotting the Millenium Jaguar.

"Hey, the Jag's a classic." Jim said as he came down the boarding ramp. "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts. Now, I'm a little rushed, so if you'll hurry aboard we'll get out of here."

"I just didn't figure you for the retro type," Blair muttered, glancing up one last time at the Millenium Jaguar before boarding.

Outside in the street, eight Imperial stormtroopers rushed up to a darkly clad creature. "Which way did they go?" demanded their leader. The creature pointed silently to the door of the docking bay. "All right, men. Load your weapons!"

The troopers readied their laser guns, and charged down the docking bay entrance. Hearing the commotion, Jim Solo looked up to see the Imperial stormtroopers rushing into the docking bay. Several of the troopers fired at Jim as he ducked into the spaceship after his passengers. Drawing his laser pistol, he popped off a couple of shots, forcing the stormtroopers to dive for safety. The Millenium Jaguar's engines whined as Jim hit the release button that quickly retracted the boarding ramp.

Quickly, he rushed into the interior of the Millenium Jaguar, noting Simon and Blair already strapped in for takeoff. Good. Swiftly, he piloted the huge starship out of the hangar, and the smuggler's ship disappeared into the morning sky.

"Computer-- angle the deflector shield while I make the calculations for the jump to light speed." Jim instructed the automatic pilot. He glanced up at the computer screen that was beeping frantically, showing two huge Imperial Star Destroyers in heavy pursuit.

Out in the main bay of the Millenium Jaguar, he heard Blair and Simon unstrapping themselves. His two passengers quickly made their way into the cramped cockpit. "Stay sharp!" Jim warned them. "There are two Star Destroyers coming in; they're gonna try to cut us off."

"Why don't you outrun them? Man, I thought you said this thing was fast!" Blair said worriedly.

"Watch your mouth, Chief, or you're going to find yourself floating home." Jim said irritably. "We'll be safe enough once we make the jump to hyperspace." The ship shuddered suddenly as an explosion flashed outside the window.

"How long before you can make the jump?" Simon asked.

"It'll take a few moments to get the coordinates from the navi-computer." Jim informed him. The Millenium Jaguar shook and shuddered again, rocking violently as laser-fire hit it from behind. Jim put out a hand to steady Blair-- it was only practical, he told himself. Didn't want the kid falling over and hitting the controls accidentally. He withdrew his hand from Blair's shoulder only reluctantly, though. One thing you could say for farmboys; they had nice muscles. Very nice.

Blair didn't seem to have noticed Jim's attention, his eyes fixed on the two rapily approaching Star Destroyers. "You're kidding, right? At the rate they're gaining..."

"Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, Chief!" Jim informed him. "Without precise calculations we could fly right through a star or bounce too close to a supernova and that'd end your trip real quick, wouldn't it?" The Millenium Jaguar was now constantly being battered with laserfire. Above Jim's head, a red warning light began to flash.

"What's that?" Blair asked, pointing.

"We're losing our deflector shield." Jim muttered. "I'm gonna make the jump to light speed--" The galaxy brightened and the Millenium Jaguar moved faster. Stars became streaks outside as the pirate ship made the jump to hyperspace.

//Meanwhile, on the Death Star...//

A freckled brunette, Admiral Samantha entered the quiet control room and bowed before Governor Alex, who stood before a huge wall screen displaying a small green planet.

"We've entered the Australiaan system." Samantha reported.

"Good," said Alex as Lord Brackett and two stormtroopers entered with Princess Megan. The Princess styled her hair in two buns, as was popular on Australiaan, and was clad in a long fuschia coat with pink fur at the collar and cuffs.

"Governor Barnes," Megan spat. "I should have expected to find you holding Brackett's leash. I thought I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board."

"Charming to the last," said the tall blonde coolly. "You don't know how hard I found it signing the order to terminate your life!"

"I'm surprised you had the courage to do it yourself!" Megan said.

Smiling icily, Governor Alex turned away, clasping her hands behind her back. "Princess Megan, before your execution I would like you to be my guest at a ceremony that will make this battle station operational. No star system will dare oppose the Emperor now."

Megan shook her head defiantly. "The more you tighten your grip, Alex, the more star systems will slip through your fingers."

"Not after we demonstrate the power of this station." The tall blonde Imperial officer stepped closer to the Princess, and smiled. "In a way, you have determined the choice of the planet that will be destroyed first. Since you are reluctant to provide us with the location of the Rebel base, I have chosen to test this station's destructive power... on your home planet of Australiaan."

"No!" Megan gasped, struggling with the troopers that held her arms. "Australiaan is peaceful. We have no weapons. You can't possibly..."

"You would prefer another target?" Alex asked sharply. "A military target? Then name the system! I tire of asking, Princess, so it'll be the last time. Where is the Rebel base?"

Megan hung her head for a long moment. "Washingtionn," she spoke softly. "They're on Washingtionn."

Alex smiled triumphantly. "You see Lord Brackett? She can be reasonable." She turned to the weapons officer. "Continue with the operation. You may fire when ready."

"What?!" cried Megan.

"You're far too trusting." Alex said sharply. "Washingtionn is too remote to make an effective demonstration. But don't worry. We will deal with your Rebel friends soon enough."

"Commence primary ignition." Lord Brackett ordered.

A hooded Imperial soldier reached up and pulled a lever. A bank of lights on a nearby panel and wall lit up. Megan watched, horrified as the viewscreen displayed the Death Star's ultimate weapons system. A huge beam of light emanated from the rim of a cone-shaped area, converging into a single laser beamed out toward Australiaan.

Megan gaped as the small planet was blown into space dust. "Bugger!"

//Back on the Millenium Jaguar...//

"Well, you can forget your troubles with those Imperial slugs." Jim said smugly, crossing into the Millenium Jaguar's passenger area. "I told you I'd outrun 'em." He looked over at Simon, who was sitting down, staring off into space with a troubled look on his face. Then he glanced at Blair, who seemed intent on practicing with a lightsaber, of all things.

"Don't everyone thank me at once..." Jim muttered. "Anyway, we should be at Australiaan about oh-two-hundred hours," he said, and leaned back to watch the farmboy practice. No reason he couldn't enjoy the view, after all.

Blair stood in the middle of the Millenium Jaguar's small hold, clutching his green lightsaber intently. Simon watched him from the corner, studying his movements, then spoke. "Remember, Blair, a Jedi can feel the Force flowing through him. Relax and let it guide your actions."

Suspended at eye level, about ten feet in front of Blair, a small, round chrome robot hovered, humming. The ball floated to one side of the youth, then the other. Suddenly it made a lightning-swift lunge and stopped within a few feet of Blair's face. Blair didn't move, and the ball backed off. It slowly moved behind the farmboy, then made another quick lunge, this time emitting a mild laser beam that struck Blair in the leg, causing him to tumble over.

Jim laughed derisively. "Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, Chief."

Blair gazed at him questioningly. "You don't believe in the Force, do you Jim?"

"I've flown from one side of this galaxy to the other, and I've seen a lot of strange stuff," Jim said firmly, "but I've never seen anything to make me believe there's some force controlling everything. There's no mystical energy field that controls my destiny." he said, and Simon smiled quietly. "It's all a lot of tricks and nonsense." he concluded.

"Try it again, Blair." Simon gestured. Getting to his feet, he placed a large helmet on Blair's head which covered his eyes. "This time, let go your conscious self and act on instinct."

Blair laughed. "With the blast shield down, I can't even see. How am I supposed to fight?"

"Your eyes can deceive you." Simon told him. "Don't trust them."

Jim shook his head skeptically as Simon turned the seeker-robot on again. It circled Blair quickly, and the young man swung the lightsaber around blindly, missing the seeker completely. He yelped when it finally fired off a laserbolt, hitting Blair square on the seat of the pants.

"Stretch out with your feelings." Simon urged him.

Blair sighed, and as Jim watched, the young man's body relaxed slightly. The seeker made a second dive at Blair and, incredibly, Blair shifted just in time to deflect the bolt. The ball ceased fire, hovering in its original position.

"You see?" Simon said. "You can do it."

Jim crossed his arms. "I call it luck."

"In my experience, there's no such thing as luck." Simon said gruffly.

"Look, winning against remotes is one thing." Jim argued. "Against the living? That's something else." He looked away, noticing a small light flashing on the far side of the control panel. "Looks like we're coming up on Australiaan," he said, heading back to the cockpit.

"You know, I did feel something." he heard Blair say quietly, behind him. "I... I could almost see the remote."

"That's good." said Simon. "You've taken your first step into a larger world."

CAST
Blair Sandwalker -- Garett Maggart
Jim Solo -- Richard Burgi
Princess Megan Connora -- Anna Galvin
Simon Kenobi -- Bruce A. Young
Grand Moff Alex -- Jeri Ryan
Lord Brackett -- Jeff Kaake
Cassie -- Lisa Akey

The copyright of Star Wars, that I have so incredibly and blatantly violated here is: (Copyright 1977 by Twentieth Century-Fox Film Corporation -- A LUCASFILM LTD. PRODUCTION)