(Note: This was originally written in answer to a post on SENAD by Alyjude. She suggested we pretend to be either Jim or Blair and answer a set of questions - 10 per character. Shirin wrote her own version in an interview format. That gave me the inspiration for this. Since many had written the answers as though Jim and Blair were already lovers, I decided to write mine as though they hadn't become lovers, yet. To do so, I had to alter a couple of the questions slightly. Here is the result of all this silliness.)
"Hey, Jim. Gotta favor to ask you."
"What now, Sandburg?"
"Well, one of my students is also a student in the Broadcast
Communication Arts Department and they need to practice the
interview format. Well, she asked if she could interview
us because she wants to do a project about unusual
households."
"Unusual households? What's that got to do with us?"
"Well, Jim, in case you haven't noticed, there are not very
many households in Cascade like ours. You know, a cop and
a student or even two guys our ages. And she knows me so
she thought..."
"Chief, I don't really know if I want someone digging into
my home life, here."
"Ah, c'mon, Jim, it'll be fun! Please?"
"Your mother know you use that look?"
"Hey, Jim, man, she taught it to me.
So ... you wanna do it?"
"Do it?"
"The interview, Jim. You really do have
the attention span of a gerbil."
"Oh, all right. But if it gets too weird, out they go."
(Door opens)
"Ok, Maryanne, come on in!"
"Sandburg!"
"(chuckle)"
"So .. this is Jim."
"Yep."
"I see you're not the loquacious type, are you Jim?"
"Nope."
"Gonna be a tough interview. Well, why don't you guys sit
over there on the couch and I'll just set up my camera here
on the tripod and sit over there .. um .. ok, there.
Thanks, Mr. Sandburg."
"Blair."
"Ok, Thanks, Blair."
"I guess I'll sort of trade off between the two of you --
that sound ok?"
"Sure, sounds fair that way."
"If you say so, Sandburg."
"I want to thank you, Blair and Jim, for letting me do this
interview. And you're being so helpful there, sitting close
together like that for my camera."
"Close together? This is where Sandburg and I always sit."
"Don't look at me, man."
"Now, before coming over here, I talked to Mr. .. um ..
Blair a bit to get an idea what kinds of questions might be
fun to ask. So here goes. As I understand it, when Blair
moved in here, you had some house rules. Blair, which of
Jim's house rules is your least favorite?"
"You trying to get me in trouble? Ummm ... well, I guess
I'd have to go with not being able to play any music loud
enough to be heard outside my room. For a couple of reasons
that I won't get into, that's almost an impossibility."
"Well, Jim? Is there a rule that Blair's broken that really
gets your goat?"
"Y'know, I haven't really been paying attention, anymore.
We haven't even needed to talk about this stuff for over a
year. I guess he's housebroken by now. Or maybe I'm just
used to him. Funny, I can't really think of anything ...
Don't know why ...."
"Ok. Blair, what do you like to do with Jim the most?"
"As scary as it can be, I really enjoy
assisting Jim on cases, going to crime scenes, and such.
And I like when we go fishing together."
"Yeah, Chief, like the fishing trips."
"So .. you mean, you guys aren't just roommates? You,
like work and play together, also?"
"Yep."
"So, Jim, I've noticed that Mr. Sandburg has a few sort of
nervous habits. But sometimes people find those things
endearing. Do you find any of his nervous habits endearing?"
"Endearing? Y'know, he used to have more of those. He
bounced, he grabbed at his hair, his voice used to crack.
But he seems a lot calmer lately. Well, you do,
Chief. ... um ... I know. He still sort of
giggles when he's nervous. Kinda cute."
"Cute!! Jim, 'cute'?"
"Well, you know ... yeah .. it's kind of cute, Sandburg."
"Ahem, guys? Ok Blair, what is Jim's strongest
characteristic?"
"Seriously? I can't name just one. Loyalty is one. A kind
of fairness: If you can get his attention, he'll give your
idea its due. Doesn't reject it out of hand, does reality
testing on it. I find that very honorable."
"Jim, how does Blair help you the most?"
"Well, he helps me with my job. But really, it's more like
... he helps me look 'outside the box,' puts unusual ideas
together. Stuff like that."
"So, Blair, What is Jim's greatest weakness."
"That's easy. The guy will NOT ask for help and if he's
trying to protect you he pushes you away from him. You'd
think that a guy could figure out you can't protect someone
if you're not around."
"Sandburg."
"Well, it's fucking true, man. You really gotta get over
that."
"Guys-guys. Um Blair? What have you learned from Jim?"
"Well, it's not a specific concrete thing,
but he's taught me a lot about what cops go through.
Also, the importance of commitment."
"He's learned that one well, too."
"Aww, Jim ..."
"So... Jim, is there any way that Blair's made you a better
person?"
"Yep."
"Well ... you wanna elaborate on that?"
"Y'gotta realize that I've changed a lot ..."
"God, I'll say!"
"Sandburg."
"Sorry, go on."
"I used to be a bit of a loner, a little hard to get close
to."
"A little. (chuckle)"
"I think he's got me to open up a little, accept myself a
bit more. ... And stuff.."
"Blair, you told me that I shouldn't ask about Jim's history
with women. I infer from that that the women were..."
"Scary."
"Scary? So which one was the scariest, Blair?"
"Sandburg?"
"It's ok, Jim. You know, there have been many scary women
but I'd have to say the scariest was one I never met.
His mom."
"My mom?"
"Yeah, man. I mean, I could be way
off base here, but I figure if your mom had been a little
more ... available .. when you were a kid, you wouldn't be
hooking up with some of the really .."
"That's enough, Chief, I get the point. But I don't really
think Maryanne needs to hear all that -- ok. I won't say
anything about your mom and you stay away from mine.
Got it?"
"Well, I guess that answers that question."
"You guys ready for some silly questions? Kind of a
breather from all the serious stuff?"
"Please!"
"So, Jim, what would you do if Blair cut his hair?"
"His hair. Nothing, I guess."
"How about if he cut it as short as yours?"
"Not gonna happen."
"I dunno, Jim, I might..."
"Chief. Don't."
"But why not, Jim?"
"Just ... don't."
"But if I did?"
"Don't even go there, Chief."
"You got a 'thing' about my hair?"
"(mumble)"
"Jim?"
"...."
"Well, I guess we'll move on. Blair, Jim seems to like
your hair. What is your favorite part of
Jim's body?"
"What!!? Jim's body?"
"Your turn, Chief. (grin)
"Well, it's really hard to pick just one, to be honest.
He's got great arms and a chest you would NOT believe.
Well, I guess in this T-shirt, maybe you can
believe it."
"Um .. yeah, I see what you mean."
"But then there's his smile. People don't get to see that
very often but it's ... beautiful!"
"Chief? 'Beautiful'?"
"Yeah, man. That's my story and I'm sticking to it."
"Just a few more questions, guys. Jim, since you seem to
like Blair's hair, do you like it better when it's tied up
or when it's down?"
"I don't know. That's kind of a fashion thing. I don't
really get into fashion that much. I guess both have their
advantages."
"Advantages, Jim? You look at my hair and think 'advantages'?"
"Well, I figure when it's tied up, it doesn't get in the
way and if you get out of line, I can just yank on that
ponytail of yours."
"And if I wear it down?"
"..."
"Jim? You there, man?"
"Let's just move on, shall we?"
"So, Blair, what is Jim's greatest attribute?"
"I think I've already answered that."
"Ok, I guess you did. Most of the rest of my questions
seem to be for Jim. On the light side, what would you do
if Blair grew a mustache and hid that beautiful mouth?"
"Hey, is this your project or are you doing this just to
flirt with your teacher?"
"Jim, she's just trying to keep it light. What's your
problem?"
"It's ok. If you don't want to answer the question ..."
"You want to know what I would do if he grew
a mustache? I don't see the big deal. I had one once."
"Really, Jim? Why'd you shave it off, man?"
"I wore it when I was in Vice. I shaved it off when I moved
to Major Crimes, to change my image."
"What would you think if I grew one?"
"Depends."
"Depends?"
"Yeah. You got a nice-lookin' mouth, Chief. Be a shame to
hide it."
"Well, Jim, you seem to like Blair's hair and mouth.
I've noticed that he has ... um ... interesting eyes.
How would you describe their color?"
"Chief, turn your head this way. Well, they're blue."
"You don't think Mr. Sandburg's eyes are, maybe, an unusual
blue?"
"I don't know. Look at me again, Blair. ... What was the
question?"
"My eyes, Jim. The color?"
"Blue. How can I pin down the color? They keep getting
darker the longer I look."
"Ready for a silly one, Mr. Sandburg?" What do you think
Jim would taste like?"
"(giggle) Well, let's find out."
"Aach!! Sandburg you licked my face! On camera!"
"Yeah. So? You taste pretty good, too. Kinda salty.
Why don't you taste me? I won't mind."
"..."
"Maybe we should get off the sillier questions. Jim, how
would you feel or what would you do, if Blair moved out and
got his own place?"
"........................"
"Jim? ... Jim? ... You know that's just a hypothetical,
right?"
"Chief? Sorry, Maryanne, I just can't ... I... oh, god ...
I'll be back in a few minutes..."
"Wow ... I'm so sorry, Blair, I never thought it ..."
" ........................."
"I'm really blowing this, aren't I?
"No. No. I think you're actually doing something good here.
I'm learning a lot."
"Jim, are you feeling better? I really want to apologize
if I've brought up some bad ..."
"No. It's ok. You couldn't know. I didn't
know."
"Is it ok for me to continue?"
"Sure, but let's wrap this up, soon, ok?"
"Ok. Mr. Sandburg, you've said that you are Jim's partner.
At work, I guess."
"Um.."
"So ... do you believe you are the best partner for Jim?"
"I hope so. I'd like to think so. I suppose there might
be other people who can learn to --"
"Stop right there, Chief. You are the only
partner for me. There can be no one else. Don't even
think ..."
"You really ...?"
"There is no question. I don't even want to discuss it."
(Maryanne looked from one to the other and chewed on her lip
for a minute, wondering whether she should just stop or
try to get some ... ending to this. (Maybe one more))
"Well, I guess I've hit on a nerve. I seem to be ... really
messed this thing up."
"It's really ok, Maryanne. Are you done?"
"Well, maybe one last question. If you never want him to
move out and you don't want ..."
"What?"
"Have you ever considered Blair as .... Well, if a guy said
all this stuff to me, I'd be thinking ...
Well, I know they don't let guys get married in this state
but ... "
"Jim? What's that look?"
"..........."
"Maryanne, I think you better turn off the camera."
"Chief? Permanent partners, buddy?"
"Maryanne, I think it's time for you to leave; Jim and I
have something to discuss."
(Slamming of door)
--finis--
Since June 13, 2000, people have read this snippet.
