Right after the Episode, "Sentinel Too, Part Too," aired for the first time, there was a great deal of discussion on SENAD about whether Jim Ellison 'said enough' to Blair about his feelings in the wake of his having tossed Blair out of the loft and Blair's near-death by drowning at the fountain. I mostly lurked during these debates, trying to weigh arguments, thinking about how they made sense and whether I could 'go there' with various points of view. And I decided I would study the tapes eventually to see whether I would revise my thoughts.

But meanwhile, I've discovered some interesting trends in approaches to understanding this episode. There seems to be a kind of continuum of views ranging between what I could maybe categorize as "Jim and Blair as regular people" and "Jim and Blair as mythological icons, or archetypes."

I can see validity in both approaches.

If we try to make sense of a character's acts, we try to use what we know and understand about the real people in our lives to figure out the character's motives and growth as a 'person.'

So even if we see these characters as archetypes, we need to see a little human reality or we might have trouble identifying with the archetypes.

If we tend to see them more as archetypes, then we don't need to see them as being as much like us as we would if we see them as 'regular people.'

I tend to see them as mythological archetypes, but I do also see them as unique 'people' as well. And today, I asked myself about my own sort of identification with Blair Sandburg and how that might affect my view of his behavior in some of the episodes.

A few months ago I was at a dinner for fellow slash fans, where I was talking to a new convert to Sentinel fandom. She was more "into" Jim so I told her about my fascination with Blair, saying "I am Blair Sandburg." [Talk about identification!]

When I was in my late 20s, I studied linguistics -- it was my passion. But none of my non-academic friends could get into the stuff I talked about. They rolled their eyes about as much as Simon rolls his as Blair. I was pretty open and experimental at that time. I hung out with people who were a bit like Blair's mom Naomi. I was shorter than ALL of my housemates but had a swimmer's body -- I had thighs.

There were differences between me and Sandburg, of course. [I mean I am female and he is definitely prettier. ;)]

Anyway, you can probably see why I might be drawn to him, to identify with him in this adventure.

But as I read the critiques of "Sentinel Too, Part Two," I could see that some fans were kind of thinking, "well, if I were Blair, I would ..."

So I asked myself: How would things have gone if I were Blair Sandburg?

If I were Blair Sandburg, this show would never have gotten off the ground.

I never would have gotten a girlfriend/tutee to fax me someone's private medical records or sneaked into his examination room pretending to be Dr. McKay/McCoy.

But let's say I did.

At the first meeting, Jim Ellison, this guy who is a head taller and a lot stronger, slams me against a wall, insults me, rejects my help, refuses to be written about and leaves.

Do I need that abuse? No!

But Blair Sandburg runs out to warn him of the dangers of zoneouts and saves Jim Ellison's life, by running out into the street, grabbing him at the hips, and falling with him, landing with him under a huge truck, as it rolls right over the both of them.

Would I have run after this abusive asshole in the first place? Probably not. Would I have thrown myself under a truck? No.

If I were Blair Sandburg, Jim Ellison would have died by the end of the pilot episode!

But Blair Sandburg is the "heroic" me. The me I wish I could be. He is symbolic.

I share his acrophobia and panic attacks and the feelings of being an outsider to a closed society.

I would never jump off a cliff or out of an airplane.

I do tend to stick my chin out and talk back to some types of aggravating or scary people. I might have yelled at Simon about not being appreciated. I might have yelled at Jim in Warriors. I might even have yelled at Lash.

But I never would have thought to make up some of the stories Blair has made up to save himself.

I don't think as quickly as he does. I tend to drop and freeze. I would have been huddling in the bathroom in "Seige." It never would have occurred to me to take out Kincaid's men with the door of the bathroom stall or with the vending machine.

And jump out the window onto the window-washer's platform?! Are you kidding!?

If I were Blair, I would not have wanted to room with Jim or become his best buddy, either. The man is really grouchy and has shown himself to have an edge of violence. He has stringent 'house rules.' I tend to want someone around who is a bit more verbal than Jim and could not have stood the moodiness.

Yes, I can see a lot of good in Jim -- a lot of compassion for the victim. I can see his humor. But for me, in my own little lifetime, that wouldn't be enough.

But let's say I did become his roommate and buddy for a while.

I would not have given up the chance to go on the anthropological expedition to Borneo.

I would have been devastated by his behaviour in "Sentinel Too, Part One."

So you see ... I may be Blair Sandburg but Blair Sandburg is definitely not me.

He is better than I am. His motivations are more noble. He is more forgiving, more insightful, more self-aware, more able to ignore verbal abuse because he really knows it's not about him, it's about someone else's fears.