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[snip] Well, Wolf, I don't know what to tell you about your roommate, since I'm having a different kind of problem. (Although it's sort of tangentially related.) My roommate, who is ten times more energetic than I am, seems to always be pushing me to go out a lot, find a ladyfriend. Well, there are a couple of problems with this for me. First of all, I'm really sort of a loner. I really like to be alone a lot of the time, stay home and catch up on my reading sometimes. Luckily my roommate has to work on his studies so even though he's a talker, I do get some quiet at home. (Wolf, maybe this is the deal with *your* roommate ... but I don't know...) And second, I guess I'll have to come clean here. And I guess it's OK to mention this on this particular list. Although I do find women attractive, at the moment I'm really more interested in my roommate. I know -- it really sort of surprised me, too. It kind of snuck up on Me over the past couple of years. Looking back over my life, I realize now that I shouldn't be too surprised by this -- I guess it was always a possibility for me, just one I never really pursued. But this guy! Well, I don't want to get into the personal stuff right now ... It's just that ... Well, I have the feeling that women are a bit more mature than men are about accepting a less than perfect-looking lovers. Well, maybe I'm over-generalizing, because apparently Wolf seemed to find at least one 70-year-old guy droolworthy. But I'm no Sean Connery. And even though my roommate clearly likes me, he seems to do all of his 'drooling' about women. And figuring all this out at my age is pretty daunting. I don't like to talk about this very much, and I don't think I could handle talking to him about it. He may be open-minded about this stuff intellectually, but sometimes his intellect doesn't match up with his emotions. --Panther oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
***** Oh, Panther, you are *so* not alone in this. I've never really ... Well, it's always been a lot easier for me to get close to women, so this has never really come up before. But my roommate has become my family. And as prickly as he can be at times and as different as we are, we really get along great, at least most of the time. We do everything together ... except ... Anyway, I recently realized that just like the guy on the show [see I *can* get this on topic (g)] -- I have fallen in love with my roommate. I know that a lot of guys get the willies just *thinking* about the*idea* of 2 guys being in love, let alone expressing that love physically. (To be honest, the idea makes me a little nervous, too.) So I can just imagine what he'd feel if I mentioned feeling remotely like that. I don't want him to feel nervous or bad that he doesn't return the feelings. That's part of why I used to encourage him to go out on dates with some of the women we've met. He seems so lonely sometimes and I love him so much that I just want him to be happy. And that's not as unselfish as it may sound. When he's happy, he has this SMILE. He has a smile so beautiful, so bright, so gleaming -- that just by smiling, he could obliterate night's darkness! I would do*anything* to see that smile! Well, anyway, Panther, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Wanted to offer my support. Good luck. I guess there are a lot of people out there [maybe here on this list] who have been in similar situations. Anyone else out there, formerly het [in behavior] who fell for a same- sex friend? What did you do? How did it turn out? --Wolf oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
Okay Wolf, here's my contribution. It's kind of an on-going experience actually, since she has no idea. A couple of years ago, when I was supposedly too young to know about such things, an acquaintance of mine suddenly became a very close friend through an English project we were assigned to do. We spent almost all of our days together, and quite a few nights as well, and discovered we had a lot in common. We were understanding each other on a level that was beyond friendship. Anyway, last summer, my family and I moved to South Africa, leaving our friends behind. Despite the enormous phone bill, we called each other all the time (she's not on-line, so electronic communication was out of the question), wrote hundreds of letters, etc. Before I left, she handed me a tape that she'd made to keep me occupied on the plane. At the end, amidst much crying, she said she loved me. When I came back to Britain this January, there were a great many hugs and "I love you's, and I started to realise that I wanted to read more into every little gesture she made, every word she said. She makes me feel really special, and she's practically part of my family. I think the final straw was when she told me about a guy she met at work, and I could actually feel myself getting jealous. She knows I'm a little quirky, that I'm into slash, that I have a somewhat morbid outlook on life...I can tell her anything, except how I feel. If I do, our friendship's going to change. Best of luck with your roommate, Wolf, (and Panther), I can understand your nervousness guys. This is the first time I can remember ever feeling this way, and I have no idea what's going to happen. It's a scary world out there. -- Michelle W. oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
Wolf wrote:
I did. :) I fell for a fan friend, and it turned out great. We took it slow, and I definitely recommend that. We went to dance clubs that were gay-friendly, then to gay dance clubs. They we both wanted to dance, so felt fine dancing with each other. It was fun to kind of 'play' at it, neither one making any big moves or demands, just testing out how it felt. To make my long story short, we eased on into a kiss, and then more. :) And now we've been together (we date that from the first time we made love -- well, at that point, I'll admit, it was lust as well!) for over 11 years. Slow and steady wins the race. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you! Maybe a nice restaurant with a gay-friendly atmosphere, and a fair gay clientele? Ann oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
Hey Wolf, just thought I'd answer ya. I swore up and *down* that I was het, 1000%! And then I got stuck in the hospital. Not good man, lemme tell ya. The only perk (if any) was that I was away from my family. I liked being alone, and often asked them to stay away. (G) Okay, so I'm strange. But I digress. One day, this beautiful female walked by my door. I swore she looked *exactly* like that chick from that space show. I can't remember the character name, but people on the list call her 38 of D. (g) Anyway, she walked by my room, then a few minutes later she came back when she heard me growling at my lap top. (Hey, I have a room reserved at the hospital, so of course they let me have my LT, complete with modem.) Now, before I go any further, ya gotta understand that I *hate* meeting new people. I tend to like being by myself, and rarely do I make an attempt at starting a conversation, but this lady was different. I didn't mind her there at all. (sigh) I should have known it was the beginning of the end. That was almost two months ago. We became fast friends, and when she found out that my at-the-time- now- *EX*-boyfriend hit me, she went ballistic. I felt sorry for Micky. NOT! Anyway, Kel and I are having a grand time. I'm hitting some rough spots now, and she's helping me through them. Oh yeah, and she moved in with me over Halloween weekend. (g) Wolf, trust me. It can happen. (looking at Kel) I'm living proof! Tigershan Grinning toothily oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
Just wanted to thank you for attesting to the possibilities. And to offer congratulations on your new relationship! Good luck, guys! And thanks for opening up. It helps. --Wolf
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(coming out of lurk yet again for a furry critter...) I thought I was het, well, it was when I was 15 so I guess I wasn't so sure really...but I was dammit :). I fell in love with my very best friend. She was wonderful, strange thing about it is...we were roomies in the dorm at school. (BOARDING SCHOOL RULES BTW };) We did everything together and had a grand ole time, till someone snuck in some beer....well, teenagers being what they are, we (about 10 of us) ended up playing Truth or Dare...and things got out of hand, and we ended up in bed together...it was wondrous...till the morning when sobriety set in... we freaked out thinking one was gonna haul off and deck the other...we sat down and talked about it and ended up having a 4 year relationship :) (back into lurk ...) Mindy (who can't resist small furry cutey animals };)
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