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oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1998, 4:45 p.m. "Megan, hi!" "Sandy, may I ask you a question?" "Sure." "Well, I was wondering, since you're not really seeing anyone at the moment... maybe you would be willing to meet a friend of mine?" "Megan! Matchmaking --you?" "Well, yes. I wouldn't normally do this but she's new in town and ..." "I'm sorry, Megan. I'm sure she's really nice, but I think I should say 'no.'" "Then, you are seeing someone? ... Oh, sorry, none of my business." "Thanks." oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
On Tue, 15 Dec 1998, Panther wrote:
Panther, That was a way cool dream! Do you really think of your roommate as wise or intuitive? --Wolf oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
On Thu, 17 Dec 1998, Wolf wrote:
Wolf, I never thought I'd say this, but you really are getting too hung up in the details. You need to back up and look at the big picture. In the big picture this isn't *about* body parts and 'doing' somebody. At least not for me. Maybe that's why I have the same reaction to some of those portions of fanfic that you do. In those stories, it's almost like first the camera is across the table from them, then in their faces, and then somehow gets stuck up their backsides. I'm no longer looking at a whole person at that point. When you explained what you loved about the guy, you didn't talk about his body parts. In fact, you didn't even talk about what he looked like. [Unless maybe he looks like an oak tree or RuPaul :)] You talked about him 'really *seeing* you' and 'being protective' and things like that. Well, if he does really see you, he'll know that you're nervous. And if it's mutual and he's protective, then he's likely to help you through this. So I think you should just lay off the 'research' and start thinking about talking to your *friend.* Don't mean to sound so harsh. I'm nervous too. For me, physical stuff is not that difficult; it's the talking. Anyway, you asked me what I thought, so there it is. --Panther oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
On Thu, 17 Dec 1998, Wolf wrote:
Intuitive, yes. Most definitely. But wise? I've never thought about that. It's hard to think of him as 'wise' when he's so young and so immature at times. But he knows a lot and loves to explain things. Maybe he's a 'wise man in training' :) --Panther oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
panther: hi wolf: never would have thought *you* woulda asked for a chat. panther: yeah, well, i couldn't sleep and stuff is on my mind. Where are you? wolf: in my office. where are you? panther: went back to work. wolf: so what's on your mind? you told him, yet? panther: no, not yet. did you ever wonder if you really *know* him? wolf: you mean like does he have secrets? panther: not exactly. like you go along thinking you know a guy and he's not the way he used to be. like he changed. not all at once. panther: just a little bit at a time over a few years until he's different but your mind hasn't really caught up to reality. wolf: that sort of makes sense. it's kind of like when you look in the mirror and realize that you haven't really looked at your own face wolf: for a while and then there are these lines around your mouth and eyes that didn't used to be there. But the picture of yourself wolf: that you carry around inside is maybe 5 years younger. and it's a shock when they don't match -- the inner picture and the outer image. panther: well, my inner picture is about 20 years younger :) panther: but yeah it's something like that. over the past month or so, i've been finding out that my roommate has changed in some of his panther: behavior and i didn't even notice. he's gotten a lot more serious, for one thing. wolf: and this is a problem because...? panther: i guess it's not a problem. but i've been making assumptions about how he'd take my 'confession' based on what turns out to be panther: false information. wolf: like what? did he suddenly burst out of a closet or something? panther: nothing like that. let's just say that i was wrong about the idea that he'd only drool over women. wolf: well, that's good news -- right? panther: but he doesn't seem to be drooling over anyone at the moment. it's like he's totally shut down that part of his social life. wolf: does he seem, like, *depressed,* like his libido is suppressed? panther: no, i don't think so. it's just that he used to have this really active social life and now ... he doesn't. wolf: well, maybe he's just getting older. I party a lot less now, myself, than i did about 5 years ago. i'm just too busy working. panther: did you stop 'drooling'? wolf: that presumes i ever did. ;) well, no i didn't stop. it's more like i'm quieter about it now. i'm still appreciative of beauty wolf: but really i sort of narrowed my interests. maybe that's something that naturally happens at my age. but wouldn't you know that? panther: i think i was always a lot more serious than this guy and my life experiences have been very different from his, so i can't really panther: judge him by me. i'm just wondering why i never noticed the changes while they were happening. there must have been clues but i missed them. wolf: it's well known that our preconceptions about a person keeps us from picking up on those sorts of things. wolf: my roomie has surprised me a bit, also. i thought for sure he'd be disgusted by the idea of slash, but he wasn't. not at all. wolf: it's made me re-evaluate how worried i should be. panther: so why are you waiting until January to tell him? wolf: well, i don't know. assuming we get to go to LA, i was just thinking it would be better if it was all part of the adventure. wolf: you don't think so? panther: why not Christmas or New Year's? Why not tonight? wolf: not ready. are you? panther: no. i'm worried that if he's not really who i thought he was ... well, then who is he? wolf: well, he can't be *that* different. you're not looking for the pod, are you? panther: no pods. :) But i really start to wonder about *me* I'm supposed to be good at *seeing* things, but i missed this. wolf: this stuff is pretty normal. We both need to start looking with open minds, with new eyes. wolf: it's getting kinda late. I better log off. panther: OK
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I was thinking about our chat last night and started worrying. If you don't notice that a guy has changed, has become different from the way you remember him -- then how do you know that you really love*him* and not this old memory? I don't want to spill my guts and then discover that I'm talking to the wrong guy. You know what I mean? --Panther oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
On Fri, 18 Dec 1998, Panther wrote:
Hey, Panther, I think it's *my* turn to say 'get a grip.' I mean, how different is he *really*? Think about all the things you've said about him -- the stuff that draws you to him. You said he's become more 'serious,' parties less, could possibly be attracted to men as well as women. Does this really change him? Is he any less intelligent, energetic, enthusiastic, compassionate, loyal, nurturing, dauntless? Those are the things you named. Now you can add 'serious' and 'open-minded' to the list -- right? I really don't see the problem. --Wolf oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1998, 7:30 p.m. "Hey Jim! We're a trend!" "What trend would that be, Sandburg? There been a rash of sentinel- anthropologist partnerships?" "Hey, that would be great! But no, that's not it. I've just read this fascinating article that my colleague Meredith wrote. She's great, Jim, you would really like her. Maybe she'll stop by on her way to Alaska, when she does her field study." "And Meredith says we're a trend? How does she even know about us?" "Well, not US-us. Just people like us. This is what she said:
"That's us!" "'Neolocal residence patterns'? Don't you anthropologists speak English?" "That is English, Jim. Basically, what she's saying is that people in the U.S. have been moving farther and farther away from their homes of origin, and they have all spread out. It's sort of like a familial diaspora. "And because they live so far away and it's starting to cost more than it used to to go 'home' for the holidays, many people are opting not to go. "But they want to celebrate and feel a sense of 'family' so they are adopting their close friends and sometimes co-workers as sort of surrogate family members. That's us!" "You think of me as 'family,' Chief?" "Yeah, of course! Didn't you know that?" "Now that you point it out, yeah, I did, I just hadn't put it into words for myself, before. ... Family -- that's great. I like that. "So which surrogate family member am I, Chief? You can't mean I'm a stand-in for Naomi." "(cough-cough) Jim, don't say stuff like that when I'm drinking, man! No, I would say that only Naomi can do 'Naomi.'" "I hear that." "Very funny, Jim. "There must be something I can offer you in her absence, Chief. In fact, I know just the thing! I know it's your favorite!" "Jim?" "What would you say to 'tongue,' Chief? ... Chief?" "(blink blink) That would be great, Jim." "You OK?" "I'm just ... thanks, Jim." oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo Date: Sat, 19 Dec 1998, About 9:00 p.m. "Nice party, Connor." "Why, thanks, Jim. Glad you're having a good time." "So ... is she the one you're trying to fix Sandburg up with?" "No, my friend couldn't make it tonight. But it wouldn't have worked out, anyway." "Why not? Sandburg turn out not to be her type?" "Well, I had rather thought that Sandy was exactly her type. And that he would go for her. But he wasn't interested, so I didn't push him." "Wasn't interested? Sandburg? You've got to be kidding." "No. I asked him if he'd be willing to meet her and he said 'no.'" "No?" "That's right. He didn't say, exactly, but I got the impression there was somebody else." "Somebody else?" "Well, I could be wrong." oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo Date: Mon, 21 Dec 1998, 7:45 p.m. "I thought you said you weren't dating, Chief." "I'm not." "Well, Connor must've gotten it wrong, then." "Gotten what wrong, Jim?" "The other day, before the party, she was sort of getting my opinion about whether she should set you up with some woman friend of hers and - -" "Oh, yeah, she was trying to play 'matchmaker,' but I told her 'no.'" "That's what she told me, but she seemed to have the impression that you were involved with someone and that was why. But you said you weren't dating." "And that's true." "What's true?" "All of it. Well sort of. I'm interested in someone. A lot. But I don't think they'd be interested in me so I'm very sorta hesitant to approach them. So we're not dating." "You mean you would turn down someone else even though there's nothing actually going on ..." "Yeah, Jim." "This is new for you -- I'm surprised." "Yeah, the whole thing is really new for me. I'm just working up the nerve to tell them. Eventually." "Must be really important." "Yeah. I think they may really be 'the one.'" "Oh." "Jim?" "Nothing, Chief. Hope it all works out for you." "Hope so too." oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
Hi there Panther and Wolf, Haven't heard from you two lately. Is everything OK? I think you were both contemplating talking to your roommate about your feelings. It seems to me that the holiday season of peace and goodwill is a great time to open up to your roomies about your feelings. Have a wonderful holiday season. Tracy oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
Wolf, I blew it. I waited too long and now it seems as though he's found someone else. Don't make the same mistake. Then, maybe at least *one* of us can be happy. --Panther oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
On Tue, 22 Dec 1998, Panther wrote:
Oh, man, Panther. I'm *so* sorry to hear this. I guess you're not going to want to tell him, now. Are you still going to try to go to the rally? Maybe we can commiserate. Go out for beer, or something. If you need to talk, just write me -- OK? --Wolf
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