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oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo Date: Sat, 2 Jan 1999, 7:30 p.m. "Hey, Jim? What kind of place will we be staying at when we go to LA?" "I thought I mentioned that it was a fellow fan's house. She's letting ten to twelve people stay there." "That's a lot of people. Where's everybody going to sleep?" "Well, it sounds like everybody's supposed to bring sleeping bags. But from her description of what she's planned, I doubt that we'll get much sleep." "Just what is she planning?" "She says there will be lots of video-watching, talking, eating popcorn, giggling, stuff like that." "Well ... um ... what type of .. um .. sleeping arrangements are we talking?" "Didn't I just say 'sleeping bags,' Sandburg?" "Yeah, but .. um .. zipped together or what? "Jim?" "Sorry. I just had this bizarre image of 12 sleeping bags all zipped together, with all these giggling Watchman fans zipped up like a sandwich." "Good one, Jim. ... But you know what I'm asking." "I do know. And you're starting to hit on the stuff we haven't talked about yet. "... It all seems so backwards. ... We haven't even ... 'consummated' ... this ... and we're wondering about whether a bunch of relative strangers can witness us sharing a sleeping bag. "It's just so early in ... this .. 'new phase of our relationship,' as you called it. I really don't feel like ... sharing us, yet. Does that make sense, Chief?" "Absolutely, Jim. Separate bags, it is. ... But what about ..." "What about what?" "PDA's" "PDA's?" "'Public Displays of Affection,' Jim." "I don't know, Sandburg. I'm a pretty private guy about stuff like that. I mean, you didn't want me using the gooey nicknames in front of the guys, right? Same thing." "You want me to go on this trip for a week so that we can 'work out some things' about this new facet of our relationship, and you don't want us to be affectionate?! At all?!" "We can be affectionate -- in private." "But there won't be any privacy in a living room full of giggling fans. We won't even have privacy when we sleep. And I'm not sneaking into the bathroom with you to make out -- that's just too demeaning." "Well, there is one option that the host brought up. She offered us the use of a spare bedroom, since most of the guests will be women. It just seemed rather unfair for the two of us to have a whole room to ourselves when there were so many people sharing the floor." "Jim, I say we take it." "I thought you were made of nobler stuff, Chief?" "Well, I'm not. If we were an old married couple and used to all of this, it wouldn't matter. But ... like you said, this is too new. "It's like a honeymoon, for god's sake, and if I don't have to spend it with a dozen pairs of eyes looking at us, that's all the better." "OK, Chief. The idea suits me just fine. I'll appreciate the privacy, myself. I'll ask her, make sure it's still an option. But you do realize, don't you, that being in our own room won't absolutely solve this problem of feeling 'watched.'" "What d'you mean?" "Think about it. Two guys decide they need to sleep in private, so they opt to share the one spare bed in the only guest bedroom. Outside the closed door are 10 giggling fans of the slashiest show on television. You do the math." "Oh, man!" oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo Date: Sat, 2 Jan 1999, 9:30 p.m. "Here, Chief, I got you a little present ... but you gotta let me use it first." "That's a pretty weird way to give a guy a present, isn't it, Jim?" "It'll make sense once you open it." "A hairbrush. Nice carving on the wood handle. This is a really nice, Jim. ... But you want to use it first? That is so weird, not to mention not exactly hygienic .. oh." "Like that, Blair?" "Oh, y-e-a-h. I haven't had my hair brushed in ages. I love it! What made you think of this?" "Read it somewhere. And I love touching your hair. It's just ... so ..." "Jim?" "Hmm?" "Where'd ya go, buddy?" "You probably have no idea what a sensuous experience this is for me -- immersing my hands in this lush mass of hair .. it's so ...." "Um.. Jim? Where are you going with this? "... Jim? ... Mmmmimmm?! ..mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm - mmm! mmm--air! Jim! Air!" "Where are we going with this, Chief?" "This-this? or the big THIS?" "Take your pick, Blair." "Well .. I'm pretty nervous .. I mean, I've never .. with a guy .. and .. I know that .. eventually .. I want to .. with you ..." "It's OK, Chief. Just breathe." "I'll be back in a minute, Jim." "Where're you going?" ... "Had to breathe into a paper bag." "A paper bag, Chief?" "Yeah, it's a common way to deal with panic attacks, hyperventilation." "Yeah, I knew about that. But I didn't know ... How often do you do that?" "Well, I hadn't for a long time, but lately ... I knew I was going to tell you how I felt and ... I just froze up every time I thought about the whole 'guy' thing and so I've been keeping a stash of paper bags in my room. Oh, man, you must think I'm so lame! "This is so embarrassing. I mean, people useta razz me about how 'active' I was and sort of assumed that I had all this experience but it really wasn't true and anyway, it's just not the same. Well, maybe technically it is, but it just doesn't seem like it's the same.. "Aw, Jim, I love ya, man. Please don't change your mind just because I'm-mmmm! Mmmmmmmmmmm." "It's OK, Blair. It's all OK. "It was OK Thursday night when you wore 3 layers of clothes to bed. It was OK last night when you insisted on bringing up an extra blanket and then kicking off all the covers. It'll be OK tonight when you do whatever weird thing you come up with to cope with all that anxiety. "It's all OK." "But for how long, Jim?"
"I've waited 3 years, not knowing how you felt.
"Ohh, ma-an. Love you so much!" "Yeah, me too, buddy." oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
Wolf,
I *am* glad you and your roommate are both coming and devastated that
you won't be with us....
Can't wait to put names to faces and *see* all the great friends we have
all been chatting with for these several weeks.
BTW: Happy New Year, Wolf....may 1999 be your best yet!
oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
Panther,
Great news! Glad you are *both* coming and after a three day drive?
I'll make sure the shower is free....
I Don't drink coffee or tea, so you might want to bring your
favorites....We'll all be leaving bright and early Friday
morning...Rally, here we come!
Happy New Year, Panther and see you Thursday night!
oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
Date: Sun, 3 Jan 1999, 8:00 a.m.
"Dammit, Sandburg, you're worse than a goddam cat!"
"A cat, Jim?"
"Yeah. When Carolyn and I were married we had this huge cat called,
cleverly enough, 'Fat Cat.' He would come into the bedroom in the middle
of the night, whenever he felt like he wasn't getting enough attention,
and would fucking wake me up by creeping slowly up from the foot of the
bed as though he were stalking me. And then he would stand on my
chest and just stare at my face. If the creeping and stalking didn't
wake me, the staring did.
"It was the creepiest sensation to feel those eyes on me, just staring.
I'd wake up right out of a dead sleep and see those giant yellow,
unblinking eyes not two inches from mine. The cat's lucky I never
killed him."
"I wasn't stalking you, Jim, I was just looking at your face ... and
thinking. Didn't mean to wake you."
"Well, now that you've got my attention, what were you thinking?"
"I was wondering what this is like for you, the effects on your senses,
I mean."
"Where's the clock?"
"Clock?"
"It took you from midnight January one to ... eight a. m. January third
for you to ask. I'm impressed by your restraint, Sandburg."
"Yeah, well, I've been in shock.
"But really, I was wondering how it is for you to sleep with someone
else and wake up to morning breath and all the extra smells and I know
that having someone else in the bed raises the ambient temperature. And
then there's the texture of my beard. And even though I've got my T-
shirt and boxers on, you can probably feel some of my hairiness. And
that's just smell and touch. You probably are pretty sensitive to
snoring and no matter what you and Joe Cocker claim, I'm not that great
to look at in the morning. It must be an incredible assault on your
senses, man."
"Blair, honey, it's not like any of that information hasn't been
available to me before."
"But, Jim, the proximity must make a difference."
"You're right, Blair, it does."
"Well, how can you stand it? Are you able to dial it down as soon as
you wake up, or what?"
"How can I stand it?
"You're right. It's definitely quite an ordeal. I have to suffer
feeling that lush, soft, springy hair brushing over my arm; smelling
your shampoo, which seems to remind me of cookies, for some reason;
hearing your little, breathy sounds as you sleep; seeing those huge,
beautiful, dark blue eyes, first thing in the morning, looking at me as
though I were ... I don't know what."
"Aw, man."
"Yeah, it's a real pain, but I wouldn't miss that blush for the world."
...
"So, Chief, which chapter is that going in?"
"Jim! I wouldn't! I couldn't do that to you .. To us ...
"Ohh, fuck. You asshole. Haven't you learned your lesson, yet?!"
"Why should I, when your lesson plans are so creatively conceived and
implemented?"
"Jim.."
"I bet you can't top the purple truck."
"Is that a dare? Do you want me to top the purple truck?"
"Well, actually, Blair ... Love of my Life ... when I imagine you
topping, it usually isn't my truck that comes to mind.
"Close your mouth, Chief, you look like a beached fish."
oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
Date: Sun, 3 Jan 1999, 11:30 a.m.
"Um, Chief? Did you ever find out how to join one of those lists we
were talking about a while back?"
"Uh .. yeah, Jim. I actually joined a couple -- one for The X-Files and
one for The Watchman."
"Any news about the Rally or anything on the Watchman list?"
"No, it's actually been pretty quiet. I was getting more information
from my e-pal than from the list, for a while there, so I stopped
checking in. Why?"
"Just wondering."
...
"Out of curiosity, Chief, is that a regular list or a slash list?"
"Well, technically it's an 'adult' list. That means people can discuss
just about anything; it doesn't have to be slash. But most of what I've
seen has been pretty slashy."
"Have you saved any of the posts, by any chance?"
"Nah. I have pretty limited storage, so anything I download I delete
just before I log off."
"So ... I can't ... maybe read some of the old stuff ... get a feel for
the people there?"
"No. It's all gone, Jim. Sorry."
"Well, maybe after we come back from the Rally, could you let me read
some of the stuff before you log off? Or save it to a floppy?"
"Sure, Jim! There's really nice people on that list. Smart, too."
oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
I know I was driving you all crazy with my on-line anxiety attacks about
should I/shouldn't I 'confess' to my roommate. A few of you wrote to me
either on-list or in private e-mail telling me to 'just do it, already.'
My own private Nike commercials.
Since many of you have been so supportive and open, I wanted to let you
know that I have, in fact, 'had that talk' with my roomie. And those of
you who suggested that he might be of like mind win whatever side bets
you guys were making.
Blew me away!
I'm still in shock.
I don't feel it would be right to go into personal details. But I did
want to share my happiness with you guys, since I really believe that it
was your encouragement that gave me that push. That and he kissed me.
;)
Before I veer into the land of TMI, I'll close.
Thanks to you all!
What a fantastic new year!
--Wolf
oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
Yippee! Good going Wolf....and Happy New Year!
oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
On Sun, 3 Jan 1999, Wolf wrote:
Well, since Wolf is so courageously opening up to make his announcement,
I'd like to congratulate him. Way to go, Sport.
Many of you ladies on the list are unaware that Wolf and I have been
corresponding off-list, and I'd like to say publicly that he has been
very encouraging to me even when he himself needed a lot of support. I
wanted to publicly thank him as well as everyone else here who has
written to give advice to us.
And just so you know, I too have taken the advice of so many of you and
had the talk, also. Glad I did. It put my mind at ease.
I'll be seeing some of you at the Rally and then I can introduce you to
him. He's a great guy. I know you'll love him almost as much as I do.
Thanks,
--Panther
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