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On Sat, 2 Jan 1999, Wolf wrote:
[snip]
I don't know whether this would constitute a spoiler, but if you get a chance to see the sneak preview of the season premier, could you let us know if, in your opinion, the new season looks like it will be more or less slashy than last season? Definitely tell us if Robert Bergman and Gary Magnum actually appear and what they say about the direction of the new season. Or does that have to go on the spoiler list? Anybody else? --Panther oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
Wolf, I was right that my friend is a little nervous about being in an m/m relationship, even though he obviously cares about me. I'm nervous also, but for some reason, it's not affecting me as adversely. Maybe because I knew deep-down for a long time that this was part of who I was. Maybe just because I'm older. Maybe because the look in his eyes gives me hope. It's sometimes hard for us to talk about stuff directly or all at once and I really want to help him relax. Maybe you can give me some insight on how I can do that. Thanks, --Panther oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
I have a question. Find out if anymore information has been given out about a possible season 5. I would also like some specific advertising plans that the Ungrateful Pigheaded Ninny's plan on. Last season was bereft of decent advertisement, which showed just how they felt about TW. They shoved that damn "Weeks Past" down our throats and even now that cartoon character is floating everywhere on their station. What about the guys?
Give em hell,
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Way to go Panther & Wolf ! Wish I was meeting you there, have fun for
all of us "poor stay at homes" !!! =;-)
T
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Panther:
You are a true gentleman....Good luck and best of the New Year for you
both...See you soon!
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Hearing the good news from Wolf on-list, and not recalling seeing much
from you, I thought I'd write and ask. Off-list, in case this is too
personal.
Did you talk to him? How did it go?
Best of luck!
Cynara
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On Sun, 3 Jan 1999, Panther wrote:
[snip]
Panther,
Man, I have been pretty much a basket case so I don't know how well I
can help you. But since you've been so sympathetic to me, I'll really
give it a try.
You need to find out *why* he's so nervous. I don't know him, you do.
I'll tell you what makes *me* nervous and maybe you can ask him if those
are the things that are doing it to him. You could raise them as
hypotheticals, or whatever.
So for me, it's obviously the sex thing. I mean I had no problem saying
the words, being affectionate, thinking about 'forever.' But it's the
stuff I talked to you about before.
Why?
Good question.
There's the idea that it's gross that you very clearly tried to disabuse
me of. I *know* that it's not *objectively* gross, so it's got to be
fear of the unknown or the unfamiliar.
But I think it's got to be something on top of that.
Like probably performance anxiety -- thinking I won't be any good at it.
That he'll be disappointed in me, in us.
And then there's the thing about him being so *big*. And that's not
even that objective because he's like only about 5 inches taller. Maybe
he outweighs me by about 50 pounds.
I shouldn't really be afraid that he'll crush me. I mean how
many*women* does that happen to, right? Lots of women who are, like,
5'5"
have sex with guys that are 5'10" and don't end up in the ER with their
bones crushed, right?
And then there's the thing about my gender identity. I always thought I
was pretty open-minded -- at least I was brought up to be. But I don't
care how open-minded a person is, it's hard to let go of who
you *thought* you were for almost 30 years. And who I've been is a guy
who
has been only with women.
And then there's the whole thing about does that make me 'less
masculine'? Objectively, I don't think so. But the messages out there,
the enculturation, tell me that masculine guys don't 'go there.'
This whole thing really pisses me off. I'm supposed to be an
intellectual, a scientist, open-minded, and yet all these prejudices
have just leaped up into my consciousness. I don't want them to be
there but they are.
I don't know if any of these things are the things worrying your friend,
but a lot of guys apparently do worry about this stuff, according to
what I've been reading -- and I seem to be one of those guys.
I hope that at least some of this is helpful for you. Let me know how
it goes.
Good luck,
--Wolf
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Date: Sun, 3 Jan 1999, 8:45 p.m.
"So, Chief...?"
"Jim?"
"Wanna make some popcorn, cuddle up and watch The X-Files?"
"That wasn't what you were going to ask me, was it?"
"No. No, it wasn't. But it was the easier of the two questions."
"And the other one was ..?"
"Are you feeling less .. nervous .. about .. us?"
"I think so. My circulation isn't shutting down. I need fewer clothes
at night. My feet aren't frozen."
"Does that mean you no longer have cold feet?"
"Ha ha ha, Jim. No cold feet ... about snuggling, anyway. I feel
comfortable snuggling -- more than comfortable, actually. Really like
snuggling."
"Which brings us back to my other question."
"Sure. Popcorn. X-Files. You, me, the couch. Lots of snuggling. It's
a plan."
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Date: Sun, 3 Jan 1999, 10:02 p.m.
"What was that! That really sucked!"
"Well, they can't all be brilliant, Chief."
"What a waste of Bruce Campbell! And where were Mulder and Scully?
They were in this thing for about 15 minutes each. I started to think
that the real X-File was that everybody was taken over by sleep-walking
zombies."
"You should write TV reviews for the Rainier shopper, Chief. You could
call your column "The Full Scoop" and sign it with your initials."
"Man, no one's razzed me about my initials since junior high!"
"I always wondered what your mom was thinking when she chose your
name. But eventually, I just figured that in your typically adaptive
fashion, you just decided to take up obfuscation as a hobby, figuring it
must have been your destiny or something."
"You're on thin ice, man."
"Oh yeah? Well I've got a pillow here with your name on it."
"You gotta catch me first!"
...
"This is so unfair, Jim."
"You're the one who decided to toss a whole pot full of water over my
head; you're the one that gets to mop it up."
"But you're the one that pushed me into the shower with my clothes on."
"Well, you wouldn't let me take them off."
"That is so not the point, Jim."
"Isn't it?"
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Date: Sun, 3 Jan 1999, 10:40 p.m.
"I'll help you mop the water, Chief, if you'll do an experiment with
me."
"An experiment?"
"Sure. You've run experiments on me for a couple of years. Now I want
to do one."
...
"OK, what is it?"
"We have to do this in your room."
...
"OK, Chief, I'll go first.
...
What do you see?"
"You're standing butt-naked in my room. It's clear that the air in here
is cold. ... And now you have a shit-eating grin on your face.
Now what?"
"Your turn."
"My turn. ... OK ...What do you see?"
"You -- a man who had to wear 3 layers of clothes to feel OK sleeping in
my bed just 4 nights ago -- are now standing, as you put it, butt-naked
right in front of me.
"I see a man who is showing evidence of exposure to cold air. And his
face is starting to turn a slight pink but not the magenta of just two
days ago.
"I see a man that I love teetering on the edge of a panic attack, facing
one of his fears, refusing to back down."
"I see a man whose speech centers just went off-line.
"Want a paper bag?"
"No. .. That's OK..."
"You want to take a moment? ... Here. I got out some sweats for us.
You're looking cold. ... You going to be all right?"
"Yeah! I'm freezing but I'm OK....
" ... Jim, man, how did you think of that?"
"Just popped into my head. Don't know where it came from. Just went
with my gut, this time."
"Good instincts."
"Thanks. ... Time to pack it in, Chief. ... You with me?"
"Not even a question, Jim.
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Date: Mon, 4 Jan 1999, 6:00 a.m.
"Mornin,' Sugarbritches."
"Coffee? You brought me coffee in bed?"
"I brought us coffee in bed, Honeybutt."
"Ah, gaaagh! Jim, what's with the names?! I know that you have a
predilection to using nicknames, but Jim, man, I can feel my teeth
decaying as we speak!"
"(chuckle)"
"So that's the way it is, is it? Well, two can play at that game."
"You may be the master of obfuscation, but you'd lose at this one,
Baby."
"You really want to play Dueling Goo, Jim?"
"If you think you're up to it, Blair, honey."
"I get 6 hours to get myself ready. We start at noon."
"How do we decide the winner?"
"The loser makes the declaration."
"How's that gonna work?"
"The loser will just know that I've bested him and concede like the
gentleman that he is."
"You're on, Babe."
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Allison,
I have a favor to ask of you, again. I really don't want to impose any
more than I already have, but something's come up.
As I mentioned on-list, I've had that talk with my friend. What I
didn't say was that it's mutual.
But since neither of us has been in a relationship like this with a man,
we are moving slowly. He is especially feeling shy and we both feel the
need to have some privacy.
So the favor:
A few weeks ago you offered us the use of a guest bedroom, since we'd be
the only guys. I had suggested that it might not be fair.
But Blair [that's his name] wants me to ask for the option, so that at
least while we're sleeping, he won't feel stared at. Being a rather
private kind of guy myself, I can appreciate his concern.
So I need to know -- is the offer still good?
I'll accept whatever you decide.
If it's not going to happen, I'll simply figure out other ways to
achieve privacy during the day, times and places just to ourselves.
We're grown men; we can cope, if necessary.
You've been amazingly hospitable and I thank you again.
--Panther
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On Sun, 3 Jan 1999, Cynara wrote:
Cynara,
You must have missed the post on the list in which I said that 'yes' I
did have that talk.
It went well enough. We're both new at this type of relationship with a
man, so we're nervous and taking it slowly.
More than that, I'd rather not discuss at the moment.
Thanks for your good wishes.
--Panther
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Date: Mon, 4 Jan 1999, Noon
"Hey, Chief, hand me that file, wouldja?"
"Sure thing, mon ami."
"What did you say?"
"'Mon ami.' It's French, means 'my friend.' ... What?"
"Sandburg, please tell me you're not going to start that here.
"It's noon, Jim. You agreed, mon frere."
"Sandburg. Truck. Lunch. Now."
"(giggle)"
...
"Where are we going, Jim, my beau?"
"Somewhere where nobody knows us, my little monkey."
"(snicker)"
...
"Pass the cream, Blair, sweetie."
"Here ya go, my big buff kiss of saccharinity."
"Kiss of saccharinity?"
"Did I say you could criticize my lexical choices, my pet?"
"Frankly, I didn't hear any rules mentioned, cream puff."
"Um .. Jim?"
"Nope, no rules at all. Lunch is on me, Sweetheart. We better be
getting back."
"Back?"
"You having trouble with your hearing or with English, my tiny tasty
tidbit? Back. As in there's work to be done. Back."
"Oh, man."
...
"Hey, Jim, give me your cup and I'll get us some more coffee."
"Why thanks, darlin'"
"Jim! Here?!"
"Rules, Chief?"
"Well, at least keep it down to a whisper."
...
"Hey, Megan, do you have any idea What Ellison and Sandburg have been
whispering about all afternoon?"
"No idea, but it seems like some sort of friendly disagreement. I'll
see if I can find out .. discreetly, of course."
...
"Blair-baby"
"Jim-julep."
"Precious, diminutive paramour."
"Ellison-pudding-pie."
"Luscious-lipped sugarplum"
"Dear, sweet, morsel for my mastication."
"What?!"
"You heard me, Jim, my muscular manna from the heavens."
"Smoochy-faced, love-peanut."
"Sugar-coated lug-nut"
"My Blair-blossom, cuddle-kitten."
"You're my honeyed love-potion, libation of the deities."
...
"Find out anything, Megan?"
"Well, Brown, they seem to be arguing over the accuracy of certain
vocabulary items."
...
"Blair, my wee kumquat, let's take off."
"Sure thing, Marshmallow butt."
...
"My Jim, my spoon-sticky sweetmeat."
"Nectar-drenched confection."
...
"Jim, I am smitten. You are the fire that enflames my heart; a
succulent feast left to me by some beneficent god; a heady liquor I'm
drawn to drink in."
"I win."
"You win, Jim?"
"Actually, you win in the category of linguistic proficiency; I win
because I have you."
In that category, beloved, I hereby proclaim a draw."
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