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oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo Thursday, January 7, 1999, 1:30 p.m. "Chief, why don't you get started unloading the stuff while I go see if Aly's in." ... "You're here!" "Yeah, we're here. Blair's out getting the stuff out of the truck. Could I ask you a favor? Could you not refer to me as 'Panther' this weekend, call me 'Jim,' instead? "He doesn't know you're on the list? ... oh, OK ... but he does know about slash, right?" "Yes, no problem there. It's just ... I'll tell him about the list, eventually, but I would like to do it in my own time, all right?" "Sure! Glad to help." oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo Thursday evening January 7, 1999, 4:45 p.m. "Who do we have here?" "This is RG .. Gina .. Patty .. Marmot .. Tobias and Marco .. and I'm Jenny." "Well, as you may have guessed, I'm Aly. Welcome!" "Hi! We finally meet!!!" ... "Oh my GOD! Look in the window! Who is that?!" "(giggle) That is .. um .. Jim. He's here with his .. roommate, Blair." "Roommate?" "Well, let's just say that Joe and Jake are not alone ..." ... "There seems to be a van full of women out there." "You would be the first to notice that, Chief." "Ha. Ha. Ha. Just give it a rest, Jim, and let's go help them with their stuff." oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo Thursday night January 7, 1999, 8:10 p.m. "Hey, everybody, we need to figure out the shower schedule -- who wants tonight and who wants morning? ... "OK, Marmot and Gina are taking morning ... the rest of you taking tonight? We have time for everybody?" "Um ... well, if it helps, Jim and I can .. double up ..." "Chief?" "Saves time and water, Jim." "Yeah, Jim, how can you resist an offer like that? ... We wouldn't. In fact, think how much water you could save if we went three at a time! I'd be willing to help you guys out. I could share." "Well, um ... that's a .. nice offer, Jenny, but .. Jim and I um .." "Very helpful idea, but my shower's a bit small for three people ... not that I would know that for sure, of course ... but I could imagine ..." "Aly has spoken." "Aw, she just wants them to herself." "Looks like we better watch ourselves, Chief, we're outnumbered here." oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo Thursday night, January 7, 1999, 9:05 p.m. "Hey, you guys, come in the kitchen for a minute." ... "While Jim and Blair are taking their shower, I thought I'd tell you the situation so things will go a little smoother later. The guys just got together and are just a little shy about it. So I promised them the guest bedroom so they can have a little privacy. "Jim worried a little that it wouldn't be fair, but ..." "No problem!" "We got this sofa!" "Tobias and Marco are sharing that sofa, who wants the other? Marmot? RG has the chair? How about you, Gina?" "There is a carpet, therefore, I sleep on the floor." "Everybody else OK with the floor? OK.. that's settled. Let's go get the tapes." oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo Thursday Night, January 7, 1999, 9:10 p.m. "What's the matter, Jim?" "Nothing really. Aly just let the ladies know why we'll be taking the guest bedroom later." "Aww, ma-an." "Back to turning magenta, Chief?" ... "Hand me the shampoo, Jim, I gotta get this mess washed." "How 'bout I do it?" "Fine, just watch the fingernails, OK? ... Mmmmmmmmm..." ... "My turn to do you, Jim." "That's going to be a problem. The shower head is too low, I don't know how I'm going to get any water to hit above my collarbone." "You're definitely exaggerating, man." "Maybe, but the way I figure it, the only way I'm going to be able to get my head wet is to get down on my knees. "Chief? .. Chief?" "Um .. sure, Jim. Go for it, I'm there." oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo Thursday Night, January 7, 1999, 10:30 p.m. "Has everybody seen the blooper tape? Gina? No? Jim? Blair? No? You guys've never seen it? You're in for a treat!" ... "I love seeing them kiss! Robert and Gary are so comfortable with each other, have such chemistry -- it's really too bad the network won't even let Joe and Jake hug." "Yeah, they've already censored a hug from at least one very important scene in the show -- they're such idiots!" "Censorship really sucks, man, but Patty, you know why they did it -- they'd lose a lot of guys in their audience if they let the guys get too ..." "Too ... what, Chief?" "Too ... outside what the culture expects for guys. They already talk more to each other, stand closer to each other, touch each other more than most guys do. The way they are already really pushes the envelope for mainstream TV. A lot of guys are not ready to 'go there,' and the networks know it." "But why ... oh never mind .." "No... 'But why' what, RG?" "But why shouldn't there be a show that pushes the envelope? That shows what's outside what's expected? I'm tired of seeing the same old images of men and women. I love seeing characters like Scully and Jake -- characters that challenge what the culture says is 'normal.'" "I'm not saying I want the network to maintain the status quo, just that I understand why they do it." "But maybe, Chief, the usual reasons aren't good enough." "Jim?" "Maybe ... things might have been a bit easier for us ... if characters like Joe and Jake could ... if the networks didn't keep feeding us the idea that we shouldn't 'go there.'" "How hard has it been for you guys, if you don't mind my asking?" "No, I don't mind the question, Marmot ... but ..." "Well, for one thing, Jim and I might have said something sooner .. and maybe I ... well, let's just say that it would have been less stressful." "It's pretty depressing when we're at the mercy of homophobes in the old boy network. I mean, guys can blow each other's heads off but they can't hug -- what is that?!" "Well, Jenny, as they say on WatchAD -- that's what fanfic is for, right?" oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo Friday morning, January 8, 1999, 8:20 a.m. "Chief .. Blair .. Wake up, buddy." "Grrmmmrrrnn." "That's easy for you to say." "zza coffee?" "Good guess. Instant french roast." "We gotta wake up, Chief -- everybody's leaving at ten." "Coffee first. Sit, Jim." "Well, it appears as though vocabulary items make their comeback before sentence structure. You should write a paper on that. "Why, Chief! Such rude gestures first thing in the morning? I'm shocked." (knock-knock) "Hey, guys? You up, yet?" "Not yet, Aly. It takes an old guy like me much longer ... and even Blair needs more encouragement than a cup of coffee." "(giggle) ... Well, how much encouragement does he need? Anything you want us to help you with?" "No, that's OK. Nothing I can't handle ... We'll come out soon." "Oh my God, Jim. Don't ... Aw, man ... Just ... not now!" "From the sounds of things, I'd say you already have." oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo Friday afternoon, January 8, 1999, 2:45 p.m. "Jim, where'd the woman with the name tags go?" "I saw two. They went off in opposite directions. The blonde went ... over there." "You gonna get one?" "Aww, I dunno, Chief. I'm not really the nametag kinda guy." "Well, since I've been on the Watchman list, I thought I'd let other listsibs know I'm here." "That's just fine for you, Chief ..." "But .. well .. I sort of .. told people you were coming to the Rally with me -- hey! I didn't tell them your name or anything -- so ... but if anyone meets me they'll want to meet you and ..." "OK. I'll wait here by the door, save our places. You go get us both one." ... "Here ya go, sir." "Thanks." "A lotta people are writing their on-line nicks in larger letters, their real names below." "Makes sense." ... "Here ya go, Jim ... What?" "It really was you!" "It really was me what?" "You really were Wolf." "Jim? ..... Jim? What do you mean, man?" "Just give me the pen a minute..." "Jim? What's going on? What's with the weird face, man?" "There, that should just about do it .. probably just about finishes it .."
"Whatsamatter, Jim? .. Finishes what? ....
"Chief, I --"
"Don't even touch me, man."
oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
Friday afternoon, January 8, 1999, 2:55 p.m.
"Don't! .. You fuckin' lied to me, man."
"Chief, not here."
(SHHHH!)
"What's with the shushing?"
"It's part of the agreement with the hotel. We can have the rally
inside, use one of the rooms, if we're quiet out here."
(SHHHH!)
"You're lucky, man. This is not
"Chief--"
"Don't you 'Chief' me, Ellison."
(SHHHH!)
"Blair--"
"Ohmigod! The chats! .. The rehearsal! .. What I said! .. You are so
dead meat, man."
(SHHHH!)
oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
Friday evening, January 8, 1999, 7:35 p.m.
"What did you know and when did you know it, Ellison?"
"Don't talk to me like I'm some sort of Nixon clone, Sandburg. And keep
it down -- Aly and the rest will hear you."
"Just answer the question-- No! No! I have a better one: When were you
going to tell me, Jim? Were you going to tell me? Ever?"
"Yes, Blair, I was going to tell you."
"When? How long were you going to pose as my comrade-in-angst? Elicit
my confidences? ('Chief') Did you like 'coaching' me how to come out
to you? How I had to come out to you -- what?! so you wouldn't have
to? ('Chief') "And the advice about sex! My God! The panic attacks!
How could you say you loved me and let me go through all that pain and
panic?!"
"Chief? .. Blair? .. You ok?"
"No, I am not ok."
...
"Aly? Could we please have a small paper bag?"
oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
Friday Evening, January 8, 1999, 7:55 p.m.
"Better?"
"A little. .. But you better start talkin', man. .. When did you
know?"
"I had been on WatchAD from early November. I wasn't sure how you'd
take it if you knew, so .... And then mid-November 'Wolf' introduced
himself to the list. Do you know how good it felt to have another guy
to talk to about this stuff?!"
"Yes. I do, Jim."
"Yes, I guess you do. .. So then, I de-lurked. I'd never posted to a
list or a chat room in my life. But I had to make contact. I didn't
know it was you. Not yet, anyway."
"When, Jim?"
"It's really not that straightforward, Blair. There were times early on
when I suspected but I couldn't say I knew. Didn't you ever suspect,
Chief? ... Chief?"
"Well, to be honest ..."
"You suspected? Or knew? You indulging in a little hypocrisy here,
Sandburg?"
"I suspected at one point -- even ran a finger search on 'Panther's'
addy, but your ISP refused the search. But that was back early in
December about the time they announced the Rally. After that, I started
having doubts. It was like I 'knew' but I didn't know-know, you know?"
"Yes, I do know. I think I suspected about then, too. I vacillated.
There'd be days I was sure and then ..."
"...You had doubts."
"Yeah, but sometimes it wasn't even like that. To tell the truth, I
didn't want to know. There were so many clues .. But .. I just ..
Did. Not. Want. To believe it. Because if I did .. "
"If you did, what?"
"If I knew it was you, if I let myself believe it was you, I'd be
alone, Chief. I'd have no one to talk to about .. things."
"What about me, Jim?"
"But Blair, you weren't talking to me; you would only talk to 'Panther.'
I really needed help and 'Wolf' was there ... And if I lost 'Wolf' ...
"Aww, man, Jim. .. "
"It's almost like I needed two of you, if that makes any sense."
"Seems I was doing the same thing, man. What a mess! ..
"I guess there's an up side to all this -- we seem to be drawn to each
other, whether we can see each other or not. Welcome to cyberspace,
man.
oooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooooooOOooo
Saturday evening, January 9, 1999, 7:30 p.m.
"What's this bag doing in my suitcase, Sandburg?"
"Just a little something I picked up for you this morning at Paramount's
Citywalk. Jenny and Patty helped me pick them out."
"Boxers?"
"Not just boxers, Jim. ... Here, bring them into the bathroom. ... Now
turn out the light."
"Glow in the dark boxers?!"
"Yeah. Thought they'd help you lighten up a bit. Read the back, man."
"'Hottest Buns in America'?"
"Yeah, man. It's you!"
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