Author/pseudonym:R.A. Swain

Fandom:X-Files/Rocky Horror Picture Show

Paring: Mulder/Frank N. Futter Scully/Magenta/Columbia

Rating:R

Status: New

Archive: Yes, please. You have my permission to archive.

E-mail address for feedback: raswain@internettrash.com

Series/Sequel:No

Other websites

Disclaimers: The characters are not my property. They are used without permission, and are used for the sole intent of entertainment and not for profit. Note other disclaimers at beginning of story.

Notes: Just watching too much television. Comedy Central's been showing Rocky Horror Picture Show (a lot). This is definitely a parody.

Summary: Takes place before the events of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Mulder and Scully investigate the disappearance of pizza delivery boy, Eddie.

Warnings: None.

Disclaimer: The following story contains adult subject matter. If you are under the age of 21 you should not be reading this and it is illegal for you to possess it. If you read beyond this point, you are claiming to be 21 years of age, and that it is legal for you to possess adult oriented material.

This is a sexually oriented work of fiction. If sex between consenting adults, homosexuality or therein is offensive to you, DO NOT READ IT! By reading beyond this point you are accepting homosexuality and adult oriented material willing.

I do not own any rights to any characters in this work of fiction, nor do I know who does. This is a crossover piece between the X-Files and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It is before the events in the RHPS time-frame. As for X-Filers, this is a bit of fluff to be taken as entertainment, along the PG-13 lines. No graphic sex here, sorry. Just some fun and laughs.

Planet, Shmanit, Mulder

By R. A. Swain

"Mulder, what are we doing here?" Scully wasn't happy with being in the middle of what appeared to be nowhere, with a flat tire a mile down the road and now standing on the doorstep of a spooky looking mansion.

"Relax," Mulder said, a glow in his eyes. "We're just doing a routine investigation of the disappearance of a pizza delivery boy."

"Since when does the FBI investigate disappearing pizza delivery boys?"

"Since his uncle is a highly respected scientist, and since this was the last place he was scheduled to deliver."

Scully shook her head. "It's the place isn't it? That's why you're so excited, am I right?"

"Scully, this place is like a UFO central. Weird stuff is always happening just outside of Denton, and always near this house. The owner is registered as a Frank N. Futter, some sort of scientist. Now don't you think a scientist's nephew disappearing after delivering a pizza to another scientist's house might not be unusual?"

"Ever hear of coincidence?" Scully rang the doorbell. "Let's get this over with. Triple A will be back at our car before we get there." The door opened as Scully took a step back. A thin, almost skeletal looking man in a dirty tuxedo jacket and open shirt stood before her. His long blond hair did little to offset his receding hairline.

"Yes," the man hissed.

"We're from the FBI. Agents Scully and Mulder," Scully answered. "We're here investigating the disappearance of a local pizza delivery boy."

"Come in, the master will have to speak with you."

"The master?" Mulder inquired.

Mulder and Scully were ushered into the dusty foyer. "The master is in the library. Follow me."

"Kinda like the Addams Family," Mulder whispered to his partner. She ignored him.

As they entered the library both agents stopped. Before them stood a tall man, in a corset, black bikini panties, fishnet stockings and heels. "How'd you do? I see you've met my...."

"Butler?" Scully interjected.

The man approached them, extending his hand to Scully. He took hers and brought it to his lips, pressing them against her warm flesh. "I'm Doctor Frank N. Futter."

"Dana Scully, FBI." She withdrew her hand.

Frank almost giggled. "And this handsome specimen of manhood?"

"Agent Mulder." Mulder gripped Frank's hand.

"Charmed."

"What kind of doctor are you?" Scully asked.

"A scientist. I experiment. It's really a trip."

"I see. Mulder, I'd like a word with you."

"Master, they're here about a missing delivery boy."

"Thank you Riff Raff. A Missing delivery boy?"

"Yes, one Edward Scott, goes by the name of Eddie." Mulder withdrew a picture from his jacket pocket.

Frank and Riff looked at the picture. "He delivers pizzas once in a while."

"Yes, and he delivered one here three days ago and hasn't been seen since," Scully added.

"Riff Raff, is he the one in the Zen room?"

"No Master."

A wild laugh announced the arrival of the maid. Scully and Mulder turned to see an attractive, if pasty woman, wearing heavy make-up and a uniform that Scully was sure belonged in one of Mulder's oft denied porn films. Way too tight in the bust, and a skirt short enough to show off black panties similar to those worn by Doctor Futter. "Oh, I didn't know anyone was in here," she said.

"Magenta, these are FBI agents. They're looking for a delivery boy."

"What do they want to do with one?"

Scully was already of the opinion this was some type of house of prostitution, judging from the way the occupants were dressed, but Magenta's comment almost sounded like they were ordering from a menu. "We want to find one in particular." She held out the picture to the maid, whose eyes kept drifting back to Mulder.

"He delivers pizzas."

"We know that," Mulder said. The maid circled him, running her eyes up and down his body, making him feel very uncomfortable, yet strangely excited. She was treating him as a piece of meat. He vaguely liked being observed for his body alone. This woman was mentally undressing him as they spoke, and he couldn't focus on anything more than her open lust for him.

"You're more than welcome to look around," Frank said, breaking Mulder's lack of concentration. "Magenta, show agent Scully to the laboratory, while I show agent Mulder to the Zen room."

Mulder Followed Frank to the Zen room. The minute the doors were closed Frank pinned Mulder against the wall, pressing their bodies together. "What are you doing?" Mulder asked, startled, yet excited by the pressure of the taller man's body pressing against his.

"Enjoying myself. You?"

Mulder felt the man's hands running down his shoulders and behind his back, pulling them closer together. "It isn't something I do every day," he managed to croak out of his drying throat.

"Oh come now, Fox. You're name is not unknown to me. I've heard of your peccadilloes, and your x-files."

"Scully!" He shouted.

"She's busy right now. Besides, isn't this nice?" Frank groped at Mulder's crotch, confirming his suspicion that Mulder was more than excited by the possibility before him.

Mulder pushed away, and bolted for the door. Frank ran after him. Mulder rounded up the stairs and down a hallway which opened on the lab. It was empty. "Scully!"

Frank came into the lab right behind him. Mulder whirled around and grabbed Frank. "What have you done with Scully?"

"Nothing. Why? Do you think I should do something?"

Mulder pulled back, but Frank caught him and pulled their lips together. Mulder fought, but in vain. He reached for the transvestite and pushed his tongue between his lips. When they broke their kiss he was breathing hard. "I've never...I couldn't...Not with you....I--"

"Give yourself over to absolute pleasure," Frank whispered, pressing his lips against Mulder's ear.

"I can't. What about Scully?"

"I won't tell her if you don't." Frank quickly unbuckled the handsome man's belt and pushed his pants to his ankles, revealing black silk boxer shorts. "What charming undergarments. A man who likes the feel of silk has so much promise." He pressed his lips against Mulder's again.

*

Scully looked around the bedroom she'd been led to, and observed the occupant, a petite girl with short red hair, wearing a gold sequin jacket, black panties, and fishnets. "You say your name is Columbia?"

"Yeah, don't wear it out." She watched the FBI agent circle her room. "She's not bad," she whispered to Magenta. "Aren't you uncomfortable in those stuffy clothes?" she asked.

Scully shrugged. "I like them."

"But you've got the perfect body for a corset," Columbia said.

Scully found herself entertaining the idea. She wondered what it would be like to dress....trashy, likes these two women? Would Mulder notice me? Would Skinner? Now there was a thought she'd like to pursue. She already knew she could have Mulder with the snap of a finger. He was so obvious. Skinner, on the other hand, was definitely in control. She absentmindedly scanned the room, noticing a strange screen on the wall. "What's this?"

"Internal security. Pull the switch and you can observe any room in the house," Magenta explained.

Dana ran her hand over the phallic shaped handle and pulled it gently. The Zen room appeared on the screen, but it was empty. Mulder must've moved on. She pulled it again and the lab appeared. And on the floor, wearing only his boxers and a necktie was Mulder, curled up in Frank N. Futter's arms, smoking a cigarette. She felt her blood run cold. How dare he, she thought? How could he, she wondered? She turned to the two women who were flanking her, a corset she thought. She felt their hands wrapping around her, their lips on her neck.

"Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh," Columbia whispered in her ear.

*

Mulder lay back on the floor running his hand over his bare chest. Frank had been called away for a moment. His hand dipped into his boxers. This wasn't what he'd expected. His hand reached further, and he could feel himself giving in to the masturbatory pleasures in which he so often indulged. A few moments later he heard applause. He turned. "Frank?"

"Guess again."

His eyes widened. "Krychek?! What are you doing here?" He observed Alex Krychek, his sometimes enemy, sometimes lover, was wearing a gold square cut brief and black fishnets.

"Watching my favorite dirty Mulder show. Touch it again, for me?"

Mulder pulled his hand from his boxers. "Alex, what's going on here?"

"You're indulging in your favorite hobby, and I'm watching you. Now don't stop."

Mulder walked across the lab to Alex, and ran his hand down his former partner's bare chest, stopping at the waist of those tight briefs. Alex reached out and slipped his hand into Mulder's boxers. "If you're not going to touch it, I will."

"Alex, I feel something strange is going on here." He slipped his hand into Alex's briefs and fisted his growing erection, as Alex returned the favor.

"If I'd known this was all it took to get you into fishnets," Alex sighed.

"We've got to get out of here," Mulder said. His hand moving faster.

"Later, Fox. Right now I want to give myself over to absolute pleasure."

*

Scully lay back on the lounge chair, while Magenta painted her toe nails. She hadn't been this decadent....Well, ever. The door burst open and Frank walked it. "Knock knock. Oh my, you are ravishing. Let me ravish you."

"Well, only for a minute. I'm sure you'll want to get back to Mulder."

"Jealous?"

"Not since Magenta and Columbia showed me some tricks. Do you like me in a corset?"

"And out," Frank said, wrapping his arms around her.

*

Alex rolled over and watched Mulder adjust his boxers. "We've got to get out of this place. You're right about the strange feeling. It's in the air. Some kind of alien virus that makes you lose your inhibitions. I've been here for two weeks. Someone with your sense of perversion would die of over exposure in that time."

Mulder removed his hand from his boxers. "I'm not a pervert."

"We'll discuss that at your apartment once you recover."

"How come it doesn't affect you?"

"Oh it does, I'm just a bit more in control of my libido. How do you think I can resist you for so long?"

"We've got to find Scully."

"Scully's here too? Oh this I've just got to see. The Ice Queen melted into a sensual daydream beyond any measure. And she's got to see me like this, just to add to her future erotic nightmares." Alex leapt to his feet, and grabbed Mulder's hand pulling his out of the lab. "I know just where Frank would take her."

*

Scully sighed as Frank sat up. "Now wasn't that fun?"

"Do it again?" She purred.

Just then the door burst open and Krychek flew into the room. Scully sat up, adjusting her corset. "Krychek!"

Alex had the most wicked grin on his face. This was a dream come true. Dana Scully in a corset and fishnets, and little black panties. Let her just call him Ratboy to his face now, he thought. He noted her eyes focused on his bulging golden crotch.

"Go ahead, flash her," Mulder whispered in his ear. He had entered behind Alex, and was grinding his crotch against Alex's firm tight ass.

"You're evil," Alex whispered back. "But we don't have time for that. Frank, I'm taking these two outta here. They're not ready for you yet. Hell, I'm not ready, and I've been here two weeks."

"Alex, my pet, if you insist, I'll let you go."

"Like you let Eddie go?"

"You know about Eddie?" Mulder asked.

"Don't worry about him. He's on ice for the time being." Alex pulled Scully to her feet and allowed his eyes to drink in her state of dress. Maybe a three-way back at Mulder's place, he thought. No, this it just too good. Glad I've got my remote video surveillance cameras rolling. Won't this go over big at the next Christmas party.

"Go, now." Frank said. "Leave while I'm feeling....generous."

"Whose Generous?" Mulder asked.

"Nevermind," Alex hissed. He all but dragged the two agents from the house, into the clear light of day.

Scully inhaled fresh air and coughed. "Krychek, what happened?"

"You'll feel better after you sleep it off." He would drop her at her place, and then take Fox home. Luckily he had access to plenty of the alien virus.

The End