Title: Reindeer Games
Author/pseudonym: R. A. Swain
Fandom: Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer
Paring: none
Rating: PG-13
Status: New 12/14/01
Archive: Yes, please. You have my permission to archive.
E-mail address for feedback: raswain@internettrash.com
Series/Sequel: no
Other websites:
Disclaimers: The characters are not my property. They are used without permission,
and are used for the sole intent of entertainment and not for profit. Note other
disclaimers at beginning of story.
Notes: I've got a very, very, sick mind.
Summary: The reindeer aren't happy with the Red nosed wonder, and plan to do
something about it.
Warnings: Sick sense of humor at work.
Disclaimer: The following story contains adult subject matter. If you are under
the age of 21 you should not be reading this and it is illegal for you to possess
it. If you read beyond this point, you are claiming to be 21 years of age, and
that it is legal for you to possess adult oriented material.
This is a sexually oriented work of fiction. If sex between consenting adults,
homosexuality or therein is offensive to you, DO NOT READ IT! By reading beyond
this point you are accepting homosexuality and adult oriented material willing.
Reindeer Games
by R. A. Swain
"All right!" Comet shouted. "Quiet down."
The other reindeer all stopped their mumbling and grumbling and gathered around
close to Comet. "What's up?" Donder asked.
"Yeah, why'd ya wanna see us?" Dasher asked, as well.
Comet smiled. "Because, this is the year we get to be in the spotlight,"
he said.
"Huh?" Dancer inquired.
"This is the year we take out Rudolph," Comet replied.
The reindeer gasped. "You don't mean?!" Prancer asked, a look of horror
on his face.
"Oh no, not kill him," Comet assured them. "We're just gonna
detain his royal redness, so we can go back to being Santa and his eight, count
'em eight, tiny reindeer."
"I'm in," Vixen said.
"Figures you'd be the first to jump," Prancer hissed.
"And what does that mean?" Vixen asked, shaking her fluffy white tail
in anger.
"It just means," Prancer said, "ever since Rudy shunned your
so obvious advances so he could spend more time with us bucks, you've been pissed
off."
"Oh I know the type of games you and Rudy, and Comet, and Dasher and Dancer,
and Donder and Blitzen get up to," Vixen huffed. "You leave Cupid
and I alone most of the time. And don't forget Clarice. She thought she was
the only one for Rudy. You bucks are real pigs."
"Bitch," Prancer said.
"Oh yeah, elf nuzzler! Come say that to my face!" Vixen shouted.
"Enough!" Comet shouted. "Sex games aside, we're all tired of
Rudy hogging all the attention."
"Yeah," Blitzen chimed in. "It was fine for awhile, but when
we didn't even get an invitation to join him on TRL with Carson Daly--"
"You don't suppose Rudy and Carson?" Cupid mused.
"Nah, he wouldn't do a human," Dasher said.
"He's done elf," Donder said.
"And once you have elf, you never go back," Blitzen added.
"Who told you that?" Vixen asked.
"Herself, of course." Blitzen answered, pawing at the ground with
his left front hoof.
"Oh, and of course Herself, being an elf, wouldn't lie?" Vixen asked.
"She's such a slut anyway," Cupid added. "I hear she took on
the Abominable Snowman and Yukon Cornelius at the same time."
"Like you didn't do Dasher and Comet at last year's Day After Party?"
Prancer mused.
"At least I stayed within my species," Cupid said. "Besides,
Comet got me drunk."
"Enough!" Comet shouted. "We're here to talk about our plan to
keep Rudolph out of the picture this year."
"Yeah, let's not lose track of the real target," Dasher said. "Our
salaries are not even on par with Rudy's. I don't know about the rest of ya,
but I don't like getting a quarter of what ol' red nose gets."
"A quarter?!" Prancer exclaimed. "Are you sure we're only getting
a quarter of his salary?"
"Some of us are," Dasher said.
"How do you know?" Cupid asked.
"I've got my sources," Dasher replied.
"Okay, I've had enough," Dancer said. "How do we take out the
red menace?"
"I'm glad you asked," said Comet. "I've enlisted the help of
a few elves who have been disgruntled over Rudolph's fame and fortune as of
late, and who, for a modest fee, will slip something into his salt lick. Nothing
lethal, just a little something which will knock him out for about 24 hours.
It'll be just long enough for us to have an old time sleigh ride."
"But won't Santa worry when he can't wake Rudy?" Prancer asked.
"That's the beauty part," Comet continued. "These unnamed elves,
for a few buck more, sorry about the pun, will drag his red nose and cottontail
down to an undisclosed no-tell motel just south of the pole. Once there, he'll
be place in a stall, er, room with some hookers and a Christmas seal, where
pictures will be taken, and later used as a way for us to control the little
deer."
"Wow! Comet, you're a diabolical genius," Donder said.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you," Comet replied.
"So when do we put this brilliant plan into effect?" Vixen asked.
"After all, he's doing his Hollywood thing right now, and won't be back
until Christmas Eve. Can we be sure he'll get doped?"
"I've got it on good authority, he'll be back early Christmas Eve morn,
and his closest elf buddy will be meeting his for his usual rubdown after his
flight," Comet said.
"Herme is in on this?" Prancer inquired.
"Let's just say, the elf is a bit jealous of Carson Daly also," Comet
replied.
"He is cute, for a human," Cupid said.
"Oh yeah?" Dasher exclaimed. "I don't like no doe I frolic with
to be noticin' cute humans. Even if he does have a tight butt."
"It sounds like more than an elf is jealous of Carson Daly," Blitzen
said. "Maybe we're all just a little pissed he didn't invite all of us
on his show."
"I got a plan to get even with him too," Comet said. "You know
those big windows with that view from the studio?"
The deer all nodded.
"Well, think how often they'll have to be cleaned if a few of us sneak
out every once-in-a-while and let loose on them in a fly-by shitting,"
Comet said. "He won't be able to blame it on the pigeons forever."
"Oh, you're evil," Prance said, in praise.
"You got it, baby. I'm the evil reindeer. Yeah, that's me," Comet
said, doing a little reindeer dance of superiority.
Just as Comet slowed his dance the barn door opened and in walked Santa. "I'm
glad you're all here," he said. "I've got some bad news."
"What is it Santa?" the deer all asked in unison.
"I'm afraid Rudolph won't be joining us this year for the world tour,"
Santa said.
The deer all gasped. "Why not?" Comet asked, a bit miffed all his
diabolical planning was going to be wasted.
"Rudy got an offer from Mariah Carey to do a live holiday special, and
to be in her next three videos as her love interest," Santa said. "I
never should've let him re-negotiate his contract last year, but I was up against
fog and time deadline, and the little buck had me over a barrel."
"Like you've had some elves, from what I hear," Comet mumbled.
"What was that?" Santa asked.
"I said, I guess we'll just have to do it ourselves," Comet replied.
"That's the spirit," Santa said, patting Comet on the head in a slightly
condescending manner. "We won't let the greed of one red nosed reindeer
get us down, will we?"
"How much is he getting for this video deal?" Prancer asked.
"Probably enough to keep him in carrots for the rest of his life,"
Dasher said.
"Oh well, after he gets back from his vacation with Dennis Rodman I'm gonna
have a long talk with the deer," Santa said. "I just hope he doesn't
let Rodman talk him into another dye job. Last year's purple and green took
weeks to get out of his hide."
"Don't worry Santa," Comet said. "We won't fail you. Remember,
we were there before Rudy, and we're still right here by your side."
"I know," Santa said. "My faithful friends, always dear to me,
always near to me, when I need your comfort."
"Yeah, we're here for ya, anytime," Dasher added.
"It'll be a merry Christmas after all," Santa said. He left the barn,
ho, ho, hoing as he went.
"Well, I guess all your planning went to waste," Vixen said to Comet.
"Yeah, and it would've been a beautiful plan, but there's always next year,"
Comet said. "Rudy can't stay on top of the swell forever. Sooner or later
he's gonna wipe out, and I'm gonna be waiting."
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.