Title: After Christmas
Author/pseudonym: R. A. Swain
Fandom: Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer
Paring: none. Hints of Herme and Rudy.
Rating: PG-13
Status: new
Archive: Yes, please. You have my permission to archive.
E-mail address for feedback: raswain@internettrash.com
Series/Sequel: It wasn't meant to, but it's becoming a series.
Disclaimers: The characters are not my property. They are used without permission,
and are used for the sole intent of entertainment and not for profit. Note other
disclaimers at beginning of story.
Notes: I just can't resist slashing these cute little characters. I'm a bad,
bad man, and deserve to be spanked, possibly by someone in an elf costume.
Summary: Rudolph returns from shooting a video with Mariah Carey and is obnoxious,
and Santa runs into some rough going in his marriage, and Comet is still plotting
to rule.
Warnings: Slash is very addictive. No other warnings.
Disclaimer: The following story contains adult subject matter. If you are under
the age of 21 you should not be reading this and it is illegal for you to possess
it. If you read beyond this point, you are claiming to be 21 years of age, and
that it is legal for you to possess adult oriented material.
This is a sexually oriented work of fiction. If sex between consenting adults,
homosexuality or therein is offensive to you, DO NOT READ IT! By reading beyond
this point you are accepting homosexuality and adult oriented material willing.
After Christmas
by R. A. Swain
Rudolph stamped his hoof on the soft hay littering the stall where Herme was
giving him his post flight rubdown. "Dammit! Watch that brush, I'm not
made of stone," he snapped.
"Sorry," Herme said.
"So as I was saying, after Mariah and I finished our video I sort of just
hung with the crowd. Bono stopped by, and we went over to Snoop's place,"
Rudolph paused noting Herme's blank stare. "Snoop Doggy Dog? The Rapper?"
he continued. "Anyway, Snoop took me to this WeHo, that's what we call
West Hollywood, bar, and we hooked up with Gwen," he paused again, searching
Herme's face for some recognition before adding, "Gwen Stefani, from the
band No Doubt? Oh anyway, we just hung with Gwen all night."
"Uh huh," Herme mumbled.
"So, how was your Christmas?" Rudolph asked.
"I worked," Herme grumbled.
"Oh, let me tell you about spending the Hols, that what we call the holidays,
with Janet and Michael. The Jacksons?" Rudolph stamped his hoof again.
"Ouch! Watch that friggin' brush, Mariah wants me well groomed for our
next project."
Herme tuned his friend out, remembering a time when he and Rudy both felt like
misfits. Freakin' deer, he thought. I oughta take this grooming brush to his
cotton tail, like he used to beg me to do, but I can't do that now, even if
the fucker is a complete asshole. If he drops one more name I swear I puke.
"Well, I'm finished up here, and Santa needs me," Herme said packing
away the grooming brush.
"So soon?" Rudolph asked. "I've got so much more to tell you.
Will I see you later?"
"Yeah, I'll come by," Herme said. "But things have been busy
here, you know, with Christmas and all, and you not leading the sleigh. I've
been doing double duty taking some of Comet's training classes for the younger
deer."
"You're teaching now?" Rudy asked.
"Well, Comet had to lead the sleigh, and well, that entailed some quick
promotions and extra duty for everyone," Herme said. "Plus, Blitzen
added a new training course in dealing with hijackers and terrorists, so we've
all been very busy."
"Oh, well, I just hope we have some time to ourselves," Rudy said.
"Like before I left, just you, me, a yule log." He nuzzled Herme's
neck.
Herme giggled. "Cut it out or I'll be throwin' a yule log in my tights."
"Do you really have to go?" Rudolph asked. Lowering his head as he
nuzzled his way down Herme's strong elfin chest. "I'll put on my studded
harness, the one you like."
"Well..." Herme started to give in to Rudolph's seductive charms.
"Stay and I'll tell you about working with Bette, that's Bette Midler,"
Rudy said.
Herme snapped back to reality. "Sorry my furry friend, but duty calls."
"Fine," Rudy called after him. "I'll just go catch up with the
bucks."
Out on the ice field
"Hey Comet!" Rudolph called to the slightly larger buck.
"Well, if it isn't our fearless leader," Comet mused. "Oh, but
it isn't. That would be me."
Rudy noted Comet's comment. "So I take it you're angry with me for pursuing
a career outside of Lead Reindeer?"
"Kid, you did what you had to do, for yourself, as always," Comet
replied.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Rudy asked.
"What's that supposed to mean," Comet mimicked. "Oh come off
it Red. You've been fighting for the spotlight more than more than Madonna.
Hell, you would've worn the cone bra if you'd thought of it first."
"You're jealous," Rudolph said. "The big bad buck of the North
Pole is jealous of me."
"Oh get over yourself," Comet said. "Christmastown doesn't revolve
around you."
Indeed it doesn't. Over in the Kringle Castle...
Mrs. Kringle, A.K.A. Claudia Claus, stormed into her husband's office. "All
right Toy Boy!" She shouted waving his red velvet jacket with the white
fur collar in front of him. "What's the meaning of this?"
Kris looked up from his laptop, and clicked off another e-mail to Tonka complaining
about the quality of their plastic dump truck. "That's my jacket,"
he said.
"Oh yeah, funny man! And what's this on the collar? Why, it looks like
lipstick, and it's telling a tale on you," Claudia said.
"Er, honey, I can explain that," Kris said.
"You'd better start explaining," she said, "and I don't wanna
head any crap about mommies kissing Santa, I know that color. It belongs to
that Mrs. Javiar in Buenos Aries, doesn't it?"
"Now Claudia--"
"Don't 'now Claudia' me," she hissed. "I'm not blind to what
a hunk you are, and I know how women can't resist an overweight man in red velvet
giving gifts, I was a hot young thing once myself."
Kris smiled and his eyes twinkled. "You're still a hot young think,"
he replied.
"Yeah? Well, I'm also a modern woman. I'll have you know, Kris Kringle,
I spoke with Sam the Snow Lawyer the last time I found lipstick on your collar."
"What?!" Kris shrieked in panic.
"Oh yes. A couple of years ago when you were doing your world tour, Ivana
Trump and I took a spa weekend, remember?"
Kris nodded, and made a mental note to give Ivana a large lump of coal next
year.
"Well, she wised me up. Kris, the North Pole is a community property continent,
and I get half of everything if we split," Claudia said.
Kris frowned. "Honey, I swear, I don't go looking for it. These women are
just so grateful to have me coming down their chimneys, er, I mean to have me
showing up at their homes bearing gifts."
"Oh I know, I watched this year's flight on AntlerCam.com," she purred.
"I saw how much of a fight you put up, at several homes."
Damn internet, he thought. "I can explain," he whimpered.
"And to think I was worried about Madonna, when I should've been worried
about a trailer park housewife!" Claudia tossed his jacket at him. "It's
not too late for me, you know! Brad Pitt may be married, but he ain't dead!"
She stormed out.
Kris smiled to himself. He may not be dead, Kris thought, but I know which friends
he's really being naughty with. Now what to do about that pesky snow lawyer?
he mused.
Meanwhile, in the empty hanger where the sleigh is stored...
"That name dropping hart is pissing me off big time," Herme said,
slamming his fist into his palm.
"Patience my elfin friend," Comet said. "Our time will come.
Have you got the Christmas seals on standby?" The deer snickered at the
wicked thoughts going through his mind.
"I don't want him hurt," Herme said. "I still care for him, but
he's so, so, I don't know the word for it."
"Insufferable." Donder put in, while buffing his right front hoof
against his white furry chest. "If I heard Cher mentioned once, I heard
her mentioned a hundred times."
"Yeah, and don't forget Shikira. Where ever, when ever my ass!" Vixen
hissed.
"He's more like Rudolph The Brown Nosing reindeer," Dancer said.
"Don't worry," Comet said. He tapped his left front Hoof on the ground.
"Herme, did you make the phone call?"
"Oh, I'll do it right now," The elf said grabbing his cellular and
dialing. He waited. "Yes, is this Carson Daly's personal assistant? It
is? Well tell him TRL sucks!" He hung up. "How was that?"
"How many calls has that been?" Comet asked.
"Since Christmas? About forty. The long distance is killing me."
"Yeah, but it's gonna be so worth it," Comet said. "Whose got
window duty tonight?"
Cupid leapt forward. "I do. How long before I leave should I take the Ex-lax?"
"It might be better if you take it when you're about half way there,"
Comet said. "Dancer had some problems with timing."
"Yeah, but I hit the mark." Dancer said, incredulously.
"Oh, you hit the mark all right," Comet said. "And half of Times
Square. We want this to be clearly a statement about being snubbed by Carson
and MTV."
"Comet, you're evil." Cupid said.
Comet pranced about. "Oh yeah, that's me. I'm the evil deer."