Title: As The Snowball Turns
Author/pseudonym: R. A. Swain
Fandom: Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer
Paring: none. Hints of Herme and Rudy/Sam and Frosty/Herme and other
Rating: PG-14
Status: new
Archive: Yes, please. You have my permission to archive.
E-mail address for feedback: raswain@internettrash.com
Series/Sequel: It wasn't meant to, but it's becoming a series.
Disclaimers: The characters are not my property. They are used without permission,
and are used for the sole intent of entertainment and not for profit. Note other
disclaimers at beginning of story.
Notes: I just can't resist slashing these cute little characters. I'm a bad,
bad man, and deserve to be spanked, possibly by someone in an elf costume.
Summary: Sam the snow lawyer gets a less than friendly warning, Herme the elf
gets some unwanted advances and a reminder about his past, and Rudolph sweet
talks Herme.
Warnings: Slash is very addictive. No other warnings.
Disclaimer: The following story contains adult subject matter. If you are under
the age of 21 you should not be reading this and it is illegal for you to possess
it. If you read beyond this point, you are claiming to be 21 years of age, and
that it is legal for you to possess adult oriented material.
This is a sexually oriented work of fiction. If sex between consenting adults,
homosexuality or therein is offensive to you, DO NOT READ IT! By reading beyond
this point you are accepting homosexuality and adult oriented material willing.
As The Snowball Turns
by R. A. Swain
Kris Kringle walked out on the ice field. "Comet!" He called out to
the deer.
Comet came trotting up to him. "Yes Santa?"
"Comet, I have a job for you and a couple of the boys," Kris said.
"What is it Santa?" Comet asked.
"Well, the Mrs. has been talking to that pesky snow lawyer, Sam. It seems
she saw some stuff on AntlerCam.com, and she isn't happy," Kris said.
"What do you want me to do?" Comet asked.
"I want you to take the snow lawyer a message from me," Kris said,
leaning close to Comet's ear and whispering his plan.
Comet chortled with glee. "And they say I'm the evil one at the North Pole?
Oh Santa, that's a topper on your naughty list."
Meanwhile, In The Toy Shop...
"Hey dentist," BiLow the elf foreman said walking up behind Herme,
who was pounding away with a hammer on a doll. "What are you doing to that
Betsie Wetsie doll?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?" Herme snapped.
"Don't mouth off to me, dentist. I'm feeling one of my special tooth aches
coming on, and only you can take care of the pain," BiLow purred.
"Aw, come on BiLow, I was just goofin'," Herme said, putting the hammer
aside. "I'm really not in the mood to play right now."
"Oh, and I suppose if that red nosed pal of yours was in the mood for some
reindeer version of hide the salami you'd be bent over this table beggin' for
it! Wouldn't ya?!" BiLow yelled.
"Come on Bi, I'm not turning you down, I'm just not in the mood,"
Herme squirmed as BiLow pressed his eggnog belly against Herme's firm elf body.
"Where's you red nosed pal now?" BiLow asked.
"Please BiLow, I'm just not up to this," Herme managed to squeeze
passed his boss. "This is sexual harassment you know?"
"Oh? Complain to the union. Now if you want your furry friend to know all
about those nights he was away I've got the videos for his amusement."
Herme paled. "Come on Bi, you don't have to get all threatening. I'll do
you later. I've just got other things on my mind."
"Well I can take your mind off those problems," Bi said. "I hear
Frosty is coming to town this week. He'll be staying with Sam, but I'm sure
the two of them might welcome some elves, for cool night of hot slush making."
Herme frowned. "You know I'm not into snowmen."
"I've got a video set to go on the Internet if you don't work with me,"
BiLow threatened. "Besides, Sam requested you especially."
Herme sighed. Yeah, he knew the snow lawyer had a thing for him, and he'd even
nibbled the snowman's carrot a time or two, but he was trying to get out of
that life. "Okay, but right now I promised Yukon Cornelius I'd fill a cavity
for him. Can we talk about this later?"
BiLow shrugged. "Whatever. Just know I own you, elf. I own all the elves."
"Yeah, yeah, you own me," Herme muttered beneath his breath. "Yukon
will help me get out of this."
Meanwhile, In The Christmas Tree Woods...
Sam the snow lawyer was strolling home.
"Hi Sam," Comet said, stepping out from behind a partially finished
Douglas Fir.
Sam was startled. "Comet! You frightened me. I hadn't expected to see anyone
out here."
"Oh?" Comet mused. "So you aren't on your way to a meeting with,
say, Mrs. Claus?"
Sam laughed nervously. "Mrs. Claus? Why would I be meeting with her?"
He began to back up.
"Well," Comet said. "Santa tells me you've been giving her legal
advice of the matrimonial variety. You naughty snow lawyer, making trouble for
the big guy just to pad your wallet."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Sam said backing up into
Prancer and Blitzen who had emerged from the other side of the Douglas Fir.
"Er, hi boys. I guess you are all out for an evening stroll."
"Yeah," Prancer said.
"Right. Stroll," Blitzen added.
"We've got a message from the big guy for you," Comet said. He clicked
his tongue and Blitzen and Prancer leapt into the air.
Sam looked up in horror and grabbed for his umbrella. "No!" He shouted.
"Not yellow snow!" He dodged the streams of hot urine, stumbling as
he scurried through the Christmas Tree forest. A few wounds to his posterior
and left arm, but he'd gotten away. He heard the reindeer laughing behind him.
"Run snow lawyer, run," Comet shouted. "This is just a warning!
Tell Mrs. C you were wrong about the community property thing, or you be a melted
memory!"
And back in Herme's dental office...
"So Yukon, will you help me?" Herme asked while finishing up a routine
filling.
Yukon nodded and mumbled.
"Was that a yes?" Herme asked removing his fingers from the prospector's
mouth.
"Uh huh," Yukon replied. "Anything for my little elf buddy."
"I knew I could count on you, Yukon," Herme said.
"Count on Yukon for what?" Rudolph asked, walking into the office.
"Uh, hi Rudy," Herme said. "You shouldn't be in here while I'm
working on a patient."
"I was just coming in to see if we could have dinner? I want to talk,"
Rudolph said.
Herme removed some cotton from Yukon's mouth. "You're all done Yukon. Rinse,
spit and we can talk about payment later."
Yukon nodded. "Nice to see you Rudolph. Glad you're back where you belong."
"Maybe I am," Rudolph snapped, then added, "I'm sorry Yukon.
I've been having a rough time since I got back."
"Yeah, there's a lot of that going around," Yukon said. "Well,
I've got an appointment to keep. Later guys."
Herme watched Yukon leave. "So, you want to talk?"
"Yes," Rudolph said. "I've missed you. Just because I went off
to Hollywood doesn't mean I've forgotten all the good times we used to have.
I want it to be that way again."
"You can't go back," Herme said. "Too much has happened since
you went and became a big star with Mariah and Cher, And J Lo. Christmastown
is probably too small for your big world tastes. You probably have been getting
it on with all those big stars, in some sort of sick and depraved Hollywood
orgies with Charlie Sheen and Ricky Martin."
Rudolph laughed. "Charlie Sheen and Ricky Martin?! Herm, you know I wouldn't
cheat on you with the B list."
"Oh? So who's on the A list?" Herme snapped. "Tommy Lee?"
"Herme, I'm not cheating on you. It's always been you and me. I knew you
were feeling jealous, but I didn't know you were this jealous," Rudolph
said. "I've made reservations for us at that little restaurant on the Isle
of Misfit Toys, the Italian one you like, with the singing waiters. I'll fly
us over there, and we can talk and work things out. I want my elf back."
"Really?" Herme asked. "I'm not just a filler until Wil Smith
finishes up another Men In Black film?"
Rudolph nuzzled Herme under the chin. "You're my companion, my buddy, my
pal. Who've I been sharing a stall with on those long dark days of twilight?
Who's the elf who can make me feel like a big buck?"
"You are a big buck, in my eyes," Herme said. "But lately you've
been acting all starstruck."
Rudolph giggled. "I'm sorry Herme. I didn't mean to go all ga ga over Mariah's
movie offers, but it's a chance at the big time, and of you and me getting away
from here."
"Away? You and me?" Herme repeated the words.
"Yeah," Rudolph said. "The two of us can move to Hollywood if
Mariah's movie is a hit."
"Would they accept us in Hollywood?" Herme asked. "I mean as
a couple?"
"Hey, if they accepted Tom and Nicole, they'll accept an elf and a reindeer,"
Rudolph said. "Besides, even without Mariah's movie I've got better Q than
Tom."