WD, a 20 year old junior at a Pennsylvania college, was an avid shopper, tv watcher, and gossipper. She was also something called an NSYNC 'dan,' a term she herself coined along with friend KD. The two ran The Shaaa-zay Cafe, an internet humor site for the aforementioned group. As a 'dan,' WD kept up her disdain for the group, never wanting to be considered a part of the fan category. "Fans are whacked," she said once. "They have no sense of humor. And they wear cheesy clothes."
But as of late, WD herself began falling into the fan category, although she tried her hardest to keep her addiction under wraps, although her penchant for NSYNC and other pop related merchandise was not lost on her family.
"It's not like her to buy crap like this," laments WD's mother, Patti. "But lately she's been really strange. She has lots of tapes and CD's and stickers and things. And I catch her watching Fox Family all the time. I didn't think it was possible that she'd turned into...you know, one of them. But she has Britney Spears wallpaper on her computer! And I went up to her room today and found a piece of paper. All it said was 'Bye bye...' I feared the worst. But then I flipped it over and on the back there was a lonesome 'bye!' I really think that they've gotten to her."
WD's father would only say the he didn't have time to talk about a bunch of "New Kids" and that his daughter better get her ass home soon. He did add that he hoped she was not somewhere were she was able to spend money.
Upon searching the hard drive of her computer, police found this, written on July 22nd.
"Fifty cents jangling in your pocket usually isn't too much to get all hopped up about. You can like, buy a pack of Sour Skittles and be happy for a couple minutes afterwards, but then as soon as you scoop out all the remaining sour crystals, your life just goes back to blah again.
But with fifty cents in your pocket, you can enter a whole world of happiness! With fifty cents in your pocket you can walk out of Wal-Mart and you can march up to a little machine that's filled with little bits of sunshine.
Wait! Before you run off and think that I'm advocating buying Magnum condoms out of a machine - because I'm not, believe me, because that's just a bad scene. If you need condom reccs, well...you can't go wrong with Pleasure Mesh, but that's a whole other topic and...okay, yeah, just go bother Dr. Drew or something if you want that kind of information.
I'm not talking about condoms. I'm talking about the end all, be all, top biotch of fun novelty machines that you can find at grocery stores, restaurants, and fine department stores like Wal-Mart, K-Mart, and my personal favorite, Target.
Sticker machines.
WAIT! WAIT! I can see you now. Muttering things about Val Venis and Pokemon crap. We look PAST those stickers, chickadees. And we move into the pop category.
BACKSTREET BOYS! Collect all 12!
Oh, you better fucking believe I want to collect all twelve.
My obsession with stickers started out casually, like all these afflictions seem to do. The fifty cents was in my hand as I wandered out of Wally World sometime last year, just sitting there getting in the way when I wanted to pull out my keys, and I couldn't toss it into my purse since my hands were full. My solution? The BSB sticker machine.
I got Nick. I sent him to my roommate Katie complete with 'Thank you for supporting us' letter and a personalized autograph on the back.
Then after that I just...couldn't stop.
AJ. Kevin. I kept rotating between the two, with an occasional Nick-ay tossed in to keep things interesting. But I held out hope - OH, the HOPE! - that I'd come across a Brian.
Because...yeah. Anyway! Moving on.
Then I moved from my BSB thing to NSYNC. Suddenly, finding an NSYNC machine was like finding my Holy Grail. Everyone was always like "Yeah, I emptied my entire quarter bank into a machine, blah blah blah, now my entire room is plastered with cheesy stickers of them from a photo shoot from 34 years ago! GIRL LANCE POWAH! WHOO!"
Bitches. All of them.
In my year of searching for an NSYNC machine, I only found one once.
At a Perkins we call the dursband palace, which is on my way to and from school. I stopped with Billy and Millie, relatives who came to pick me up. And there it was when I walked in.
NSYNC! FULL COLOR! COLLECT THEM ALL!
I had no change. No dollars to change at the counter. Nothing.
I had pancakes. I remember it well.
I got my sticker, as some higher power was looking out for me, and I found some quarters stuffed into some odd pocket thing in my wallet.
I got an abolutely repulsive shot of them all piled on top of each other. They're all in various workout gear. JC's hair is hideous.
I never went back there to get another sticker.
But I will be a repeat customer on the campiest ones. Christina stickers? Blah. But! Britney stickers? They're my favorite. The Wal-Mart at school had mini stickers. Helen and I just about emptied the thing each time we went. The stickers are all proudly displayed on my eraseboard.
And the giant stickers are great, complete with shots from videos and things. Because we all need a headshot of Brit with the fuzzy pink hairties to put up on our corkboards.
Mine looks very nice, thanks for asking.
And then.
The most sought after machine of all.
Britney Spears Window Clings.
OH! OH! THE ABSOLUTE EXTASY!
They stick places! It's fun! They come back off, so after you become sane again and go thorugh the 12 stepper, you can peel it right off your window and poof! All is well again in the world.
So you see? Fifty cents can really get you places! All you need are quarters, a machine, and you're all set for sticky fun.
DUDE! Did I NOT tell you that I wasn't talking about condom machines? Fucking sickos.
C'mon Brit. We don't have to deal with this."
Her former roommate Helen backs up the sticker stories. "She was pretty crazy about it. And before the stickers, we actually tried to get tickets to the past tour by writing song parodies to Rosie O'Donnell. And then we went to the NSYNC concert this June. She wore a skirt and very large hoop earrings. That's when I really started to worry about her."
News crews at the K-Mart last evening spoke with the clerk who checked out WD's purchases (the new NSYNC CD, a group NSYNC poster, and NSYNC fruit snacks), and was the last one to see her. Edna claimed that the missing girl "did not seem like a fan but was in good spirits, although a little embarassed at what she was buying. I told her we were out of the free posters, and she didn't seem too upset. But who knows. Maybe the disappointment got to her."
A teenaged girl who was in the electronics selection with WD said "She seemed pretty quiet. She was wearing these dirty denim shorts and a pink tanktop, and I know I saw that b**** looking over at my Justin Timberlake t-shirt. She just wishes she could have Justin's head on her boobs." She paused, then added. "I caught her trying to steal the poster that they had up above the CD rack, too."
Shaaa-zay Cafe'er KD is suspicious. "Why would she have been out buying the new CD when she'd already ordered the import online? She told me today that she wondered if NSYNC would break the record for selling the most copies in one week. And now I think 'Oh god, what if she thought she could make a difference?' And because of that, she just may be a fan for life. That's not fair man, not at all. Although if she's gone, I think she would want me to have her 98 Degrees CD's."
Steph, a hometown friend, thinks that WD may never be coming back. "In High School she was cool, always up on the new good music. But then she graduated, and she started listening to those POP people. I don't know what happened. It was all so sudden, like BAM! She was on TRL. And I think she likes OTown. She hasn't been the same since."
Members of NSYNC could not be reached for comment.
WD's mother has a plea for her daughter. "She told me the other day that if she ever was missing, she didn't want me to go on America's Most Wanted and look really stupid like that intern's parents did. But people have been calling, and someone really needs to unload the dishwasher. So come home honey, and we'll get you some help without John Walsh."
KD has a similiar plea. "I just hope she's not somewhere, wearing NSYNC pyjamas and playing with marionettes. I hope she comes home before it comes to that."