Those wacky OnPoint bois

OnPoint
The Men Behind The Bois

We make things up, here at the Cafe. Okay, so we basically make everything up. Once in a great while, we're not lying blatantly. This, believe it (or not) is one of those times. When we started our project to get ourselves a patron saint, we thought "Now, you know what would be cool? If we found ourselves an up-and-coming boyb- uh, vocal group. Yeah. Rock on." And then we stumbled across OnPoint. We offered to trade our pimping prowess for an interview and some naked pictures. The interview we're going to share, the naked pictures are in a safe in DC.

OnPoint gets whored out, we get patronage. What does that mean, exactly? We have no idea. We're hoping that we're ever hacked by rabid OTown fans SteveE. will go over to their house and put the smack down, but that might be a little too much to wish for.

In any case, we interviewed them, because it was funny and random, and that, you may recall, is what we're all about.

Name: AK
Real name: Alan Kay
D.O.B.: 03-03-80
Place of origin: Sarasota, FL
Would like to be: Christina Aguilera
Is he nasty? Yeah.
Other: AK likes Kool Aid, mac & cheese, and South Park.

Watch this space for the photo AK honestly believes is better than the one we picked!
Also, Steve (are men with that name genetically predisposed to be skanks?) offered to make out with a certain Cafe staffer if we swapped the pics (see below). That in itself was enough to convince us to *add*, but not *change* them.
Ego, man. Ego. And we thought ours were huge.
AK
Promise us you never considered auditioning for Otown.
I never did. But our boy DL did, and he got pretty far, but we are glad he didn't make the final cut.
You complain that you get no love. What's up with that?
I get love, but not enough. I like to know what are fans are thinking, so we want our [inboxes] full of mail, so we know our fans are out there.
AK, how did you and DL meet on the net, exactly?
Well, I was trying to find one more guy for my group when I came across DL, and we decided to all meet up at a Karaoke bar. We sang together, and then the next week, he moved in with the group, and here we are.
Will you invent a better meeting story later on? Do you have to edit the story for magazine use? (IE, did you really meet in a porn chatroom?)
Ha, I bet you all wish we met in a porn chat room..lol. No, we keep it real. If it happened, why not just say it happened the way it did? We're not into all that BS about "let's make it sound real cool so people like us".
When you guys blow up, who will be the one most likely to get the "We've made it, now I can have cool hair as my trademark" hairdo?
Definitely Steve, the kid knows how to wear the hair perfect. I am always worried about how I look, so if I like it maybe, but I usually wear a fitted hat.
Which one of you is guilty of the worst fashion mistakes?
None [of us], we all have good fashion. It's a miracle.
What's the deal with Orlando and singing? Moreover, how does your group set itself apart from those other groups that originated there?
Well, I don't know what the deal is with singing. I came up here to go to school, and be a solo artist. I guess it just came together like this. We set ourselves apart like this. We are OnPoint, that's it, we write our own stuff, we arrange our own stuff, we engineer own own stuff, we work our asses off for our fans, and we keep it real, no BS, because we are just cool like that.
Who are your influences? Do you feel an urge to mention Brian McKnight when asked that question?
I do think Brian McKnight is a good person to look up to, but I've never really listened to his music that much until lately. I'd have to say, 112, B2M.
What's your favorite musical group?
112, they are off the chain with their music, and their style. I look up to them a lot, I hope we can chill with each other and share ideas on an upcoming album.
We noticed that you're "under new management". Is there a Trans-Con/Lou Pearlman story in there somewhere?
We get that question a lot. But no, we are not falling into the Trans-Con thang, I think we are better than that, no offense, but we are taking a different outlook on how to make it in the business. And for someone to basically just pay for you to be famous, doesn't feel all that fulfilling to myself. Besides, we wouldn't fit in wth their apparent crowd of boybands.
Do you ever get recognized by screaming chicks at the mall?
Yes. I have to say, it is kinda cool, until they start chasing you, lol. You just have to bail sometimes and run to the parking garage, and hope they don't catch you before you can jump in the Expedition. It's all fun, we love our fans.

Name: DL
Real name: Derek L. Eatmon
D.O.B.: 03-16, 1980
Place of origin: Liberal, Kansas
Would like to be: Britney Spears
Is he nasty? Not very!
Other: Unusually for a vocal group member, DL chews his nails. DL
How, exactly, are you not the average man?
Most guys today are just players and want just the body of a girl, but I go for the heart... and that's how you keep a relationship together.
Why are you the only one dressed up in the front images?
It was one of my modeling pics, and when we got the website started, that's kinda the pic they picked because that's all we had at first. It's supposed to change.
Why do two of you go by nicks? Isn't it a rule that only one boi per band can have a cool nickname? (JC, AJ... others, we're sure.) Is this your way of rebelling against the stereotype?
I guess you can say it's a way to rebel, but when we met, that's what our names were. My real initials are DL.
Do you wish that StarSearch would come back? Would you go on it?
When I was younger I got an audition to go on Star Search and I couldn't make it because of my football games. Sucks. But yeah, I would go on it.
If you were at a club and your song came on, would you dance?
I sure would dance. I would str8 break it down!
Do you have any stalkers, yet?
OMG yes.....but it's cool. lol.
Do you have pimptight choreography? What do you hump onstage?
Yes, we are OnPoint. Of course we will have pimptight choreography! I would probably hump the mic stand. Haha. I don't know. Remember, it's all entertainment.
Do people refer to you as a boyband? We're sure that pisses you off. So how do you distance yourself from the stereotype?
We totally go against the flow of a boyband as [much as] we possibly can. That's how we keep the distance.
Do you have a practiced list of answers for teenie mags? Have you had any media training yet?
I don't have a set way to talk to teenies. We've had a little training, but we like to be ourselves.
Will you guys lie about your height in bios?
What's the use? NO.
AK says that you actually made it pretty far in the OTown auditions. With all the flack they get and how hard they have to work to prove themselves, are you glad you didn't get in? And give us the scoop - was Ikiaka always on the phone with his brother during the auditions too?
Um... As long as your heart is in the thing, I don't consider it hard work. But I guess I wouldn't mind being in the group just so I can get the experience. Then I would hop out and start a REAL group, like OnPoint.
Ikiaka wasn't really allowed on the phone when we were practicing.

Name: Steve E.
Real name: Stephen Bruce Humbert
D.O.B.: 7-31-79
Place of origin: Santa Maria, CA
Would like to be: Mandy Moore
Is he nasty? He can call us Miss Jackson, yo.
Other: He used to smoke. His most embarrassing moment was "getting busted with his weiner hanging out under the desk in 3rd grade".

Addendum: Steve requested that the above pic be replaced with, well, this:

...Yeah. I'm breaking out my Color Me Badd album, too.
Well. No one ever said boyb- uh, male vocal group members had taste. It's early days. NSYNC looked bad back then, too. Right? Right. Steve E.
Do boybands really sit around and sing at random boring moments, or is that media hype?
I wouldn't know, I do R&B. But if I was in a boyband I WOULD sit around randomly.
Do you shave your chest hair? Will you in the future?
I dont shave it now, and probably not in the future either. I'm the hairy one.
You claim to be "All about the fans". How far does that dedication go?
AS FAR AS IT NEEDS TOO *wink* *wink*.
Steve, you don't happen to have a brother named Joey, do you?
No, I don't, but he and I have something in common- he is FATONE, and I'm the FAT ONE.
Tell us the truth. You're in this for the chicks, aren't you?
Oh hell yeah.
Who would play you guys in a TV series about your band?
I would be played by Will Farrell, AK would be played by Tommy Lee, and DL would be Dave Chappelle.
Did you ever consider finding two more members?
Yep, but then it would defeat our OnPoint status. The whole 3 members coming to a point on the map where we are from- check it out: DL is from Liberal Kansas, AK from Sarasota Florida and I, SteeVee from Marlton NJ.
Why Winter Park and not Orlando? Is it a po suburb?
Winter Park is actually Orlando's richest suberb, but I moved from that hole a month ago and forgot to change my profile.
In a perfect world, how sexually explicit would your lyrics be?
VERY. And in the future [they] probably will get more and more explicit as I gain status.
Margaret Cho says that in any group of three friends, there is always The Sweet One, the Smart One, and the Ho. Who's who in OnPoint?
I'm all three.

Name: OnPoint
Place of origin: Orlando, Florida
Group
We saw that you guys had an old member, Bryan. When you guys reach the top, will you think of Bryan, working at Pizza Hut? Do you worry that he will come forward and try to say that he came up with the 'Point' part of your name? You can't be just 'On'!
SteeVee: Umm, nope. I'll bury him alive.
DL: We probably will see him at Mac D's. He is trying to start another group, and good luck to him. [You] never know. We are not worried about little stuff like the name, because he didn't come up with it so it's all good. He was only in the group like for a week.
What are your thoughts on Napster? Why aren't your kickin' tunes on it?
SteeVee: Don't feel like having my music ganked before it's released.
DL: We have had stuff on Napster, but people love stealing ideas from songs, so I took them off till we bust out there full bore. Napster IS a good way to get heard, though.
Orlando seems to be a hotbed of young musical talent. Presumably, you'v seen some of these famous types up close, and it seems like you've been hit with it already. Having seen fame at point-blank range, are you sure you want to go down that road? Is fame and fortune worth sacrificing your privacy? Will you, once you're huge, bitch about chicks hiding in your luggage and staking out your house?
DL: I will most likely always be happy on this road to fame, because it's what I have lived for. And why get mad if some chicks are chillin in the trunk of my car? I mean, I would like privacy, but hey, this is all apart of travelling this road of fame.
SteeVee: I have seen fame around Orlando. Joey Fatone look-alikes and such. I can't wait to go down that road- it's dusty and I want black boogers. I love sacrificing my privacy, I do it every time I urinate in a bar parking lot. As for the chicks in the suitcase, I'll just cut a hole in the bag and set it on my lap as carry on. =)
If you've seen our site, you'll have noticed that we're pretty mean. What if you came across an OnPoint site in the same vein? Would you be flattered, or hurt?
DL: Flattered
SteeVee: I would LOVE IT. Publicity is publicity, and you know how SteeVee loves the public EYE.
Gun to your head- Would you rather be Aladdin, a Mouseketeer, in a barbershop quartet, or a monster, and why?
DL: In a barbershop quartet, because I like to sing, and I love harmony.
SteeVee: Aladdin, so I could munch princess Jasmine's carpet on my carpet.
What's the deal with everyone calling you boys "bois"? Do you ever worry that Big Boi from Outkast will sue?
DL: I don't know what the deal is with it, but Big Boi can't sue, or someone will sue him because he didn't make the name. It's just like calling someone "MC" at the front of their name. It's all the same.
SteeVee: NOPE, bring it on! "I'm sorry Big Boi, I am for real, never meant to be called boi, I apologize a trillion times"
Given the choice, would you want Eminem to have a beef with you, a la his problem with NSYNC? Do you think you could take him?
DL: I think it would be cool. Break out the popcorn and watch a phat show.
SteeVee: If he didn't pull a gun, I would break his scrawny ass. BUT I WOULDN'T- I think his rhymes are tight and I give him the utmost respect for being white, a rapper, and being able to get street and pop credibility.
Have you ever, at any time, practiced your autograph? . And how does one go about deciding how ones autograph will look? Do you have a separate "check writing" and "boob signing" autograph? What did that first time you signed one feel like?
DL: I used to practice at school, then one stuck with me. I sign everything the same, pretty much. It was tight when I signed my first, like I was on my way to the top.
SteeVee: I practice it all the time. It's sweet now (kinda) but my check writing and boob signatures differ slightly. The first one was INCRED.
Is writing liner notes fun? How do you go about it? Are you worried you'll forget people and piss them off?
DL: Well it's aight. That's why when you mention people, always say "and to the people that I'm forgetting..." Most of the time they will understand, because they know you work with so many.
SteeVee: Haven't written any yet. I HOPE I FORGET SOME PEOPLE. Humble them bitches right out.
Have you made your family promise to never show certain pics or videos when the Before They Were Rock Stars people come calling?
DL: Nah. It would be tight if they did. I wouldn't hold anything away.
SteeVee: NOPE I HAVE NO SHAME. Go ahead, mom. Show my 3 yr old schlong on the pottie. I look good.

Need more OnPoint? Check out their official site (sucks) [here] .
Back to Bad Pop
Back to the Shaaa-zay Cafe

NJ Information Technologies | Beaded Necklace | Wholesale Products | Best Hair Transplants | NJ Computer Consultant

Name: AK Real name: Alan Kay D.O.B.: 03-03-80 Place of origin: Sarasota, FL Would like to be: Christina Aguilera Is he nasty? Yeah. Other: AK likes Kool Aid, mac & cheese, and South Park. Watch this space for the photo AK honestly believes is better than the one we picked! Also, Steve (are men with that name genetically predisposed to be skanks?) offered to make out with a certain Cafe staffer if we swapped the pics (see below). That in itself was enough to convince us to add, but not change them. Ego, man. Ego. And we thought ours were huge.	AK Promise us you never considered auditioning for Otown. I never did. But our boy DL did, and he got pretty far, but we are glad he didn't make the final cut. You complain that you get no love. What's up with that? I get love, but not enough. I like to know what are fans are thinking, so we want our [inboxes] full of mail, so we know our fans are out there. AK, how did you and DL meet on the net, exactly? Well, I was trying to find one more guy for my group when I came across DL, and we decided to all meet up at a Karaoke bar. We sang together, and then the next week, he moved in with the group, and here we are. Will you invent a better meeting story later on? Do you have to edit the story for magazine use? (IE, did you really meet in a porn chatroom?) Ha, I bet you all wish we met in a porn chat room..lol. No, we keep it real. If it happened, why not just say it happened the way it did? We're not into all that BS about "let's make it sound real cool so people like us". When you guys blow up, who will be the one most likely to get the "We've made it, now I can have cool hair as my trademark" hairdo? Definitely Steve, the kid knows how to wear the hair perfect. I am always worried about how I look, so if I like it maybe, but I usually wear a fitted hat. Which one of you is guilty of the worst fashion mistakes? None [of us], we all have good fashion. It's a miracle. What's the deal with Orlando and singing? Moreover, how does your group set itself apart from those other groups that originated there? Well, I don't know what the deal is with singing. I came up here to go to school, and be a solo artist. I guess it just came together like this. We set ourselves apart like this. We are OnPoint, that's it, we write our own stuff, we arrange our own stuff, we engineer own own stuff, we work our asses off for our fans, and we keep it real, no BS, because we are just cool like that. Who are your influences? Do you feel an urge to mention Brian McKnight when asked that question? I do think Brian McKnight is a good person to look up to, but I've never really listened to his music that much until lately. I'd have to say, 112, B2M. What's your favorite musical group? 112, they are off the chain with their music, and their style. I look up to them a lot, I hope we can chill with each other and share ideas on an upcoming album. We noticed that you're "under new management". Is there a Trans-Con/Lou Pearlman story in there somewhere? We get that question a lot. But no, we are not falling into the Trans-Con thang, I think we are better than that, no offense, but we are taking a different outlook on how to make it in the business. And for someone to basically just pay for you to be famous, doesn't feel all that fulfilling to myself. Besides, we wouldn't fit in wth their apparent crowd of boybands. Do you ever get recognized by screaming chicks at the mall? Yes. I have to say, it is kinda cool, until they start chasing you, lol. You just have to bail sometimes and run to the parking garage, and hope they don't catch you before you can jump in the Expedition. It's all fun, we love our fans.
Name: DL Real name: Derek L. Eatmon D.O.B.: 03-16, 1980 Place of origin: Liberal, Kansas Would like to be: Britney Spears Is he nasty? Not very! Other: Unusually for a vocal group member, DL chews his nails.	DL How, exactly, are you not the average man? Most guys today are just players and want just the body of a girl, but I go for the heart... and that's how you keep a relationship together. Why are you the only one dressed up in the front images? It was one of my modeling pics, and when we got the website started, that's kinda the pic they picked because that's all we had at first. It's supposed to change. Why do two of you go by nicks? Isn't it a rule that only one boi per band can have a cool nickname? (JC, AJ... others, we're sure.) Is this your way of rebelling against the stereotype? I guess you can say it's a way to rebel, but when we met, that's what our names were. My real initials are DL. Do you wish that StarSearch would come back? Would you go on it? When I was younger I got an audition to go on Star Search and I couldn't make it because of my football games. Sucks. But yeah, I would go on it. If you were at a club and your song came on, would you dance? I sure would dance. I would str8 break it down! Do you have any stalkers, yet? OMG yes.....but it's cool. lol. Do you have pimptight choreography? What do you hump onstage? Yes, we are OnPoint. Of course we will have pimptight choreography! I would probably hump the mic stand. Haha. I don't know. Remember, it's all entertainment. Do people refer to you as a boyband? We're sure that pisses you off. So how do you distance yourself from the stereotype? We totally go against the flow of a boyband as [much as] we possibly can. That's how we keep the distance. Do you have a practiced list of answers for teenie mags? Have you had any media training yet? I don't have a set way to talk to teenies. We've had a little training, but we like to be ourselves. Will you guys lie about your height in bios? What's the use? NO. AK says that you actually made it pretty far in the OTown auditions. With all the flack they get and how hard they have to work to prove themselves, are you glad you didn't get in? And give us the scoop - was Ikiaka always on the phone with his brother during the auditions too? Um... As long as your heart is in the thing, I don't consider it hard work. But I guess I wouldn't mind being in the group just so I can get the experience. Then I would hop out and start a REAL group, like OnPoint. Ikiaka wasn't really allowed on the phone when we were practicing.
Name: Steve E. Real name: Stephen Bruce Humbert D.O.B.: 7-31-79 Place of origin: Santa Maria, CA Would like to be: Mandy Moore Is he nasty? He can call us Miss Jackson, yo. Other: He used to smoke. His most embarrassing moment was "getting busted with his weiner hanging out under the desk in 3rd grade". Addendum: Steve requested that the above pic be replaced with, well, this: ...Yeah. I'm breaking out my Color Me Badd album, too. Well. No one ever said boyb- uh, male vocal group members had taste. It's early days. NSYNC looked bad back then, too. Right? Right.	Steve E. Do boybands really sit around and sing at random boring moments, or is that media hype? I wouldn't know, I do R&B. But if I was in a boyband I WOULD sit around randomly. Do you shave your chest hair? Will you in the future? I dont shave it now, and probably not in the future either. I'm the hairy one. You claim to be "All about the fans". How far does that dedication go? AS FAR AS IT NEEDS TOO wink wink. Steve, you don't happen to have a brother named Joey, do you? No, I don't, but he and I have something in common- he is FATONE, and I'm the FAT ONE. Tell us the truth. You're in this for the chicks, aren't you? Oh hell yeah. Who would play you guys in a TV series about your band? I would be played by Will Farrell, AK would be played by Tommy Lee, and DL would be Dave Chappelle. Did you ever consider finding two more members? Yep, but then it would defeat our OnPoint status. The whole 3 members coming to a point on the map where we are from- check it out: DL is from Liberal Kansas, AK from Sarasota Florida and I, SteeVee from Marlton NJ. Why Winter Park and not Orlando? Is it a po suburb? Winter Park is actually Orlando's richest suberb, but I moved from that hole a month ago and forgot to change my profile. In a perfect world, how sexually explicit would your lyrics be? VERY. And in the future [they] probably will get more and more explicit as I gain status. Margaret Cho says that in any group of three friends, there is always The Sweet One, the Smart One, and the Ho. Who's who in OnPoint? I'm all three.
Name: OnPoint Place of origin: Orlando, Florida	Group We saw that you guys had an old member, Bryan. When you guys reach the top, will you think of Bryan, working at Pizza Hut? Do you worry that he will come forward and try to say that he came up with the 'Point' part of your name? You can't be just 'On'! SteeVee: Umm, nope. I'll bury him alive. DL: We probably will see him at Mac D's. He is trying to start another group, and good luck to him. [You] never know. We are not worried about little stuff like the name, because he didn't come up with it so it's all good. He was only in the group like for a week. What are your thoughts on Napster? Why aren't your kickin' tunes on it? SteeVee: Don't feel like having my music ganked before it's released. DL: We have had stuff on Napster, but people love stealing ideas from songs, so I took them off till we bust out there full bore. Napster IS a good way to get heard, though. Orlando seems to be a hotbed of young musical talent. Presumably, you'v seen some of these famous types up close, and it seems like you've been hit with it already. Having seen fame at point-blank range, are you sure you want to go down that road? Is fame and fortune worth sacrificing your privacy? Will you, once you're huge, bitch about chicks hiding in your luggage and staking out your house? DL: I will most likely always be happy on this road to fame, because it's what I have lived for. And why get mad if some chicks are chillin in the trunk of my car? I mean, I would like privacy, but hey, this is all apart of travelling this road of fame. SteeVee: I have seen fame around Orlando. Joey Fatone look-alikes and such. I can't wait to go down that road- it's dusty and I want black boogers. I love sacrificing my privacy, I do it every time I urinate in a bar parking lot. As for the chicks in the suitcase, I'll just cut a hole in the bag and set it on my lap as carry on. =) If you've seen our site, you'll have noticed that we're pretty mean. What if you came across an OnPoint site in the same vein? Would you be flattered, or hurt? DL: Flattered SteeVee: I would LOVE IT. Publicity is publicity, and you know how SteeVee loves the public EYE. Gun to your head- Would you rather be Aladdin, a Mouseketeer, in a barbershop quartet, or a monster, and why? DL: In a barbershop quartet, because I like to sing, and I love harmony. SteeVee: Aladdin, so I could munch princess Jasmine's carpet on my carpet. What's the deal with everyone calling you boys "bois"? Do you ever worry that Big Boi from Outkast will sue? DL: I don't know what the deal is with it, but Big Boi can't sue, or someone will sue him because he didn't make the name. It's just like calling someone "MC" at the front of their name. It's all the same. SteeVee: NOPE, bring it on! "I'm sorry Big Boi, I am for real, never meant to be called boi, I apologize a trillion times" Given the choice, would you want Eminem to have a beef with you, a la his problem with NSYNC? Do you think you could take him? DL: I think it would be cool. Break out the popcorn and watch a phat show. SteeVee: If he didn't pull a gun, I would break his scrawny ass. BUT I WOULDN'T- I think his rhymes are tight and I give him the utmost respect for being white, a rapper, and being able to get street and pop credibility. Have you ever, at any time, practiced your autograph? . And how does one go about deciding how ones autograph will look? Do you have a separate "check writing" and "boob signing" autograph? What did that first time you signed one feel like? DL: I used to practice at school, then one stuck with me. I sign everything the same, pretty much. It was tight when I signed my first, like I was on my way to the top. SteeVee: I practice it all the time. It's sweet now (kinda) but my check writing and boob signatures differ slightly. The first one was INCRED. Is writing liner notes fun? How do you go about it? Are you worried you'll forget people and piss them off? DL: Well it's aight. That's why when you mention people, always say "and to the people that I'm forgetting..." Most of the time they will understand, because they know you work with so many. SteeVee: Haven't written any yet. I HOPE I FORGET SOME PEOPLE. Humble them bitches right out. Have you made your family promise to never show certain pics or videos when the Before They Were Rock Stars people come calling? DL: Nah. It would be tight if they did. I wouldn't hold anything away. SteeVee: NOPE I HAVE NO SHAME. Go ahead, mom. Show my 3 yr old schlong on the pottie. I look good.
Need more OnPoint? Check out their official site (sucks) [here] . Back to Bad Pop Back to the Shaaa-zay Cafe