Behind The Scenes Of On The L - Joe's Perspective
07:17 AM: Wakes up.
07:21 AM: Calls in Lamaze coaching.
07:46 AM: Eats breakfast.
07:52 AM: Calls PA and complains about small serving sizes.
07:56 AM: Eats more breakfast.
08:14 AM: Leaves for set.
08:57 AM: Arrives on set. Goes to makeup trailer.
09:13 AM: Ignores makeup artist complaining about bags under eyes. Tells him that if you feel the rhythm, you gotta hit the clubs.
09:14 AM: Has makeup artist fired for unfavorably comparing own complexion to Lance's.
09:25 AM: New makeup artist arrives. Is cute girl. Smiles.
09:59 AM: Makeup girl has slathered on three to four pounds of concealer. Checks mirror. Looks hot. Slaps her on ass.
10:05 AM: Leaves trailer. Runs into AD. AD reminds self that self had 8 AM call.
10:06 AM: Has AD fired.
10:18 AM: Is talking to director. Is asking director about motivation.
10:26 AM: Director yells "Just say the fucking line, Fatone!"
10:32 AM: Filming crucial scene.
10:36 AM: Done filming crucial scene. Was reaction shot to Lance's character saying "You gotta help me find her." Had one line: "Okay, man."
10:38 AM: Overhears director saying: "We can fix it in post."
10:44 AM: Complaining to Lance about jackass director.
10:46 AM: Lance leaves to talk to director.
10:52 AM: Director comes to apologize. Explains that he was trying to help, by creating emotional landscape of annoyance that helped Joe do his best work. Mentions The Method.
11:14 AM: Director is telling Joe that he's the best actor ever.
11:15 AM: Barring Lance.
11:16 AM: Wild-eyed, director leaves trailer with Lance.
11:18 AM: Cell phone rings. Is JC. JC wants to know if Joe is ready to lay down his solo line on "Celebrity". Someone, possibly Justin, is laughing in the background, and saying something about "Does he actually believe we're giving him a line?" Wonders who he's talking about.
11:24 AM: Phones in solo line.
11:28 AM: Wonders what "baby, it's just you and me, in the middle of this hurricane Celebrity" means, anyway. Tells JC it's great Art.
11:43 AM: JC still talking to him about murals of naked male mermaids he's having done on side of house.
11:45 AM: Asks JC if there will be any other moments on the new CD where they'll need Joe's voice.
11:46 AM: JC suddenly had to go.
11:47 AM: Thinking about lunch.
11:52 AM: Calls PA. Orders lunch.
12:05 PM: Still waiting for lunch. Decides will faint with hunger. Heads over to Craft Services trailer.
12:09 PM: Enjoys excited extras fawning over him and letting him cut in the line.
12:16 PM: Eating lunch with adoring young ladies. Asks what they're doing later.
12:17 PM: Young ladies are fourteen and fifteen, respectively.
12:19 PM: Has moved to other table. Talking to young woman.
12:21 PM: Asks to see two pieces of photo ID.
12:22 PM: Relaxes. Asks what she's doing later. Invites her back to hotel.
12:24 PM: Young woman is interested in singing career. Assures her he can hook her up with Lance.
12:26 PM: Leaves for trailer with young woman.
12:45 PM: Young woman leaves trailer.
12:47 PM: Taking nap.
01:06 PM: Wakes up from horrifying nightmare. Dives into wastebasket. Finds discarded condom. Breathes sigh of relief.
01:10 PM: Calling lawyer. Lawyer advises him to keep more careful track of his used Trojans in future.
01:14 PM: Calls five most recent lays. Inquires if they've had their periods recently.
01:17 PM: All five tell him to go fuck himself.
01:18 PM: Calls lawyer again. Lawyer says they'll send an investigator around to the women.
01:21 PM: Eats snack to calm down.
01:43 PM: PA comes in to tell him he's done for the day. Asks PA if she's doing anything later. PA mumbles something about "rushes", and runs out.
01:44 PM: Wondering if "rushes" are kinky.
01:45 PM: Still wondering.
01:46 PM: Looks word up on Net.
01:52 PM: Ah.
02:03 PM: Leaves for hotel.
02:19 PM: Spots strip club on side of highway.
02:20 PM: Tells driver to stop.
05:23 PM: Has had lovely afternoon.
06:18 PM: Lounging in hotel room.
06:29 PM: Talking to baby's mama. Sympathizes about swollen feet and looking like side of barn. Assures her she's as lovely as ever.
06:31 PM: Silently hopes she won't expect him to have sex when she's this bloated.
06:32 PM: With relief, listens to baby's mama rant about how men are the scum of the earth and she never wants to have sex ever again.
06:35 PM: Arranges for massage therapist to be sent over to baby's mama's house.
06:36 PM: Congratulates self on being wonderful father-to-be, kind boyfriend, and all-round great guy.
07:14 PM: Decides to find Lance and hit the town. Lance reminds him about seven-thirty call next morning. Realizes Lance is boring loser.
07:34 PM: Has found amenable bellhop to roam Toronto with. Bellhop knows every brothel in town. Fantastic.
04:32 AM: Falls into bed, drunk.
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