What is there to life?
Other than to be what others
Expect you to be?
My existence is unwanted
nor is it needed
I am nothing but a single grain of sand
Being thrown about in the open,
left there to be alone.
I am nothing but what you expect of me
I am who you want me to be.
But that is not me.
Look at me as the surface of water,
never dry up
Because I am so sacred.
Sacred because without me,
you would be nothing
But another lost soul in this
Infinite universe.
I see pain in your eyes.
You see what you would
thought could never of existed.
So much pain there is no where to hide
No matter how hard you try.
I am your worst nightmare,
your most abhorrent feelings.
All merged into one.
I am the devil from within you
The one that tells you
“Y"you are right." when everyone tells you
“Y"you are wrong.”
When I close my eyes
I feel my deepest senses.
They tell me what to do.
Tell me where I must go.
But most of which I cannot do
without facing consequences.
Things I can only dream to do..
When I am alone, in the dark.
All these things I would do
“Jjust to be happy.”
To be who I am,
And not who they want me to be.
Everyday I look everywhere,
searching for myself,
never finding what I have lost over the
years of blindness and pain.
I am out of words to say
to express exactly how I feel.
I never had the right words.
Maybe because no word in the
world can be used show
what I have been through.
I have given love and hate.
I have been loved and hated.
I have been in control
and out of control.
Been cared for by the ones
whom I care for in return.
But has any of this,
set me free from my past?
I am chained to these
concrete walls surrounding me.
These chains so thick not even
God can set me free.
He tried, I know he tried.
He tried to set me free many times before.
Times when my life had seemed so, so low.
So low I believe that there was
No way out.
I love to be loved
By the ones who are true to me.
There aren't many of those out there.
Not many that I know
And have been through the process of
unmasking these masked beings.
They show you one side of them
and hide the other side when
there it is of no use.
Used.
Betrayed.
I regret for not changing sooner..
maybe too late now
But at least I know I have tried.
Would I ever be loved the way I want to be?
The way I give,
but is never shown.
What can I do to make you
understand how much I care?
Love is sacrificing.
Giving up things you have
loved in the past for this
love you have now.
Sometimes it is difficult to figure out
which is more important to you…
This or that?
Her or her?
Him or him?
Do you ever feel confused?
About what is the most
important thing is?
I've never had a chance to think..
“ "They" made me forget what
meant the most to me.
Will I ever find it again?
Will I ever know?
Ever see?
Ever feel?
I love my soul.
It is the only "me" that
live on forever.
I may haunt your nights and
brighten your days.
But don't ever forget who I am.
I am me. Me.
.
.