surrounded by
buildings, civilizations..
dangers by the four
seasons..
except for the sound
of nature, nothing is heard...
except for the brightness
of the sun..
covering everything,
nothing is seen...
on a empty crossroad,
looking back, all that can be seen was your face..
i want to wave, but
all the energy i have left was used to keep me alive..
and a pointless wind,
pulling me back..
my goal is the mysterious
sky..
which i can no longer
see..
thinking back..
nothing was gained,
everything was lost..
nothing was kept,
everything was erased..
soon i have realize
that life has gone by..
.
and still humans
are still so small.. so mortal..
wars gone by, suppose
to make man stronger.. killing, hatred..
soon all was lost,
all, except for memories..
.
oh, memories..
no matter how far
i walk, there's still no place for me..
then eventually i
started to run away from the truth..
doesn't matter where
or when, all i can do is give up..
never able to accomplish
anything..
that's the reason
no one will want to be me...
everyone, just want
to see the side of me they want to see..
but not the real me..
but i'm tired of pretending
what they want to see..
getting tired of what
life has to offer...
in the future, i don't
hope to be someone famous..
like dreams, or hope,
i've never thought about..
.. i feel that i'll
live on if I can...
i thought that living
is just what everyone wants..
i live on thinking
that this will continue..
if unfortunately there
was an accident.. and i was no longer here..
there wouldn't be
a big lost.. or any kind of lost..
.
although no matter
how many times i fight, i keep on..
no matter how much
i get hurt, i know i'll always get back up..
i don't know why
though.. i always wanted to be a hero..
but never had the
courage..
although i might
have the talent...
never had the chance..
even if i had the
chance, i wouldn't be brave enough..
.
life is filled with
sadness... even the happiest person in the world..
maybe i should be
satisfied with my life.....
love is a simple line of connection between
2 people..
love is nor giving or getting, it's something
which brings people together...
lending a hand when needed, protecting each
other...
although i have not loved, i still do know
a bit about it..
but if you want to love, you'll have to
understand that there's a risk..
risk of a broken heart, or the guilt of
breaking someone else's heart..
to be able to love, you have to use your
chance efficiently..
unlike me.. which has used up all his chances
and failed...
some people still has a chance..
but is love really that great?
is all to life is love?
i still don't know how great love is...
because i never got a chance to love..
but i know one thing...
if you start loving, i'm sure you'll get
attached to that person..
and you'll have to separate with them sooner
or later..
love always brings pain, and sadness..
if you are not careful, love will turn into
hatred...
"Hate is said to be the flip side of love.."
and it also works the other way around..
i don't like birthdays much..
because i feel that birthdays are when others
gather...
and they celebrate you, taking a step closer
to your death..
but then again, is death really that bad?
maybe life is just another step in our long
journeys..
and it might be the last journey..
most people are scared of death...
mostly because it is the unknown..
it's a scary thought of being only a single
spot..
inside a small colony of homo sapiens..
among all the different kinds of species
of creatures..
on a small planet called earth.. spinning
around the sun..
inside a pond of stars.. called the milky
way..
which is still really small.. to us the
universe is infinite..
but humans don't know how small and weak
they are..
and instead of protecting our valuable lives..
.
we leave a trail
of destruction..
our past, our history
proves this quite well..
wars, destruction,
hatred, deaths, betrayal, etc..
all was done by
humans..
maybe we are the
angels of death and destruction..
.
does that mean our living is evil?
and maybe if their was no humans, the universe
will be better off..
but maybe humans are too weak too do any
significant amount of damage...
through pain i have learned a lot..
it has widen my perspective of life...
.
although pain always
leave a deep scar...
.
some too deep and painful to ever recover
from..
will the pain ever go away?
will the thought of her beside me, ever
leave me alone?
this i can not tell you..
I am not the kind of people who forgets
a truly loved one easily..
and the image which she leaves is deeply
intact into my mind..
thinking about her every day..
every hour of the day..
every minute of the hour..
and every second of my life..
every single chance i get..
but she can not feel the way i miss her..
or the way i cry...
.
or i try to..
.
but than, why do i do all this.. even if
i know she won't find out?
this is how i try to relieve my pain..
only if i got a chance..
a chance to show her, truly, how i felt..
but if i get that chance is not for me to
decide..
all I can do is wait..
and search for a relic, which can cure the
wound which she left..
no matter how long it'll take, or how hard
it is, it'll have to be done...
sooner or later..
it'll have to be done..
.
I don't understand
love..
.
maybe because i'm new to it..
but I don't understand myself much either..
why do I feel the way i do?
or do the things i do?
maybe that's the meaning of life..
to find out more about yourself..
and someone else, which you'll be spending
the rest of your life with..
some people might not find the right person..
but some will..
I guess they are lucky if they find the
right person right away..
but without the pain and experience you
get from pain...
you get from trying to find the right person..
you might not be able to keep that person
near you..
and care for it as much as you should..
you don't find something very valuable..
until you've worked for it..
I'm confused.. but i guess i always am,
and always will be..
life is not always clear.. and I guess it's
not suppose to be..
life's not exciting if you know exactly
what's going to happen, and when..
life's only life when you have an element
of sup rise in it..
the only true enemy is one's mind..
the worst foe is within the self..
.
the battle between
yourself, never stopped, and never will..
.
life's all a mystery to me..
why do i love the ones i love?
many of my questions will never be answered..
but some do have answers.. and if there
are, i'm going to find them..
maybe that's the meaning of life, to find
answers to your questions..
but some people say the meaning of life
is getting to know yourself..
which i also believe..
.
life is filled
with darkness..
but maybe darkness
is the true good..
maybe god is evil..
and he does what he does to keep us believing..
believing that
he is good.. keeping us under control..
and creating the
devil.. to keep us under fear..
to stabilize the
evil within us...
maybe he's scared
of us.. because we can become more powerful..