| SUBPOENA AND SUMMONS EXTRAODINARY From the ROYAL HIGH COURT of the RAGING MANE * * * | |
| COUNTY OF: MIDWAY VALE OF PACIFICUS DOMAIN OF NEPTUNUS REX | |
| To Whom May Come These Presents Greetings and Beware | |
| WHEREAS; The good ship MIDWAY bound southwest is about to enter our domain; and the afores said ship carries a large and especially slimy cargo of
Land-Lubbers, Beach-Combers, Gedunk-Sailors, Sea-Lawyers, Sleigh-Riders, Lounge-Lizards, Parlor-Dunnigans, Plow- Deserters, Hay-Tossers, Chicken-Chasers,
Park-Bench Warmers, Squaw-Men, Pig-Lovers, Wine-Merchants, Chit-Signers,
Sand-Crabs, Four-Flushers, Poker-Players, Crap-Shooters, Acey-Ducey Fiends, Jitterbugs, and all other living hyphenated creatures of the land, and last but not least, Funny Book Readers and Liberty Hounds, Falsely masquerading as seamen, of which low scum you are a member, having never appeared before us: and WHEREAS: The Royal High Court of the Raging Main has been convened by us on board the good ship MIDWAY on the 27th day of October 1982 and an inspection of our High Royal Roster shows that it is time the sad and wandering nautical soul of that much abused body of yours appeared before the High Tribunal of Neptune; and BE IT KNOWN; That we hereby summon and command you to appear before the Royal High Court and Our August Presence on the afore said date of at such time as may best suit our pleasure, and to accept most heartily and with good grace the pains and penalties of the awful tortures that will be inflicted upon you. To be examined as to fitness to become one of our Trusty Shell-Backs and to answer to the following charges: CHARGE I. - In that has hither to willfully and maliciously failed to show reverence and allegiance to our Royal Person, and is therein and thereby a vile Land-Lubber and Polly-Wog. CHARGE II.- |
| ( x ) Whistling on board ship | ( x ) Mopery and dopery on the high seas |
| ( x ) Leaning on LifeLine | ( x ) Masquerading as a sailor |
| ( x ) Making disparaging remarks about a shellback | ( x ) Failure to jump overboard when word was passed to dump all trash and garbage |
| ( x ) Breathing near a shellback | ( x ) Drooling at the movie |
| Disobey this summons under Pain of Our Swift and Terrible Displeasure. Our Vigilance is Ever Wakeful, Our Vengeance is Just and Sure. |
| Given under our hand and seal. Neptunus Rex Neptunus Rex |
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