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JFK, Jr.
Assassinated By His Own Plane
BOSTON- A year after the mysterious
death of John F. Kennedy, Jr. (JFK:2, for movie buffs) people are still
trying to figure out what happened. JFK, Jr. bummed around for 30-some-odd
years until he founded a political magazine, and then he died.
"We (people without
perspective) will continue to investigate the death of one of our country's
most important figures," said Clara Gershon, a local and integral part
of the investigation. "We think we're very close to wrapping things
up."
The theory put forth
by Gershon and others is that John John's plane miraculously came to life
and, perhaps due to a history of mistreatment, decided to assassinate Kennedy
and some other people riding along by violently crashing into the cold
Atlantic waters.
"We won't let it (the
deceased) rest," said Gershon. "Planes don't just fall out of the
sky. In all the disaster movies ever made, none of them had planes
crashing. Earthquakes, tornadoes, volcanoes, alien shit- but no planes.
So obviously, something's up. We think the plane consolidated with
the mafia, FBI, CIA, Cubans, and Joe Dimaggio- just like the conspiracies
revolving around the deaths of JFK and RFK. Damn, this shit must
be genetic."
Of course, there is
little proof supporting the "Independently Animated Plane Theory," but
that hasn't deterred Gershon from her quest for answers.
"We will overcome the
opposition that so foolishly believes the death was an (using air quotes)
'accident.' All in good time, all in good time."
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