What's With These Damned Marsupials?
   Okay, here's the deal.  I fall asleep in front of the TV and wake up around three in the morning.  What I see is so ridiculous that I have to sit up and turn on the lamp to make sure I'm awake.  I am.
   Channel 19 is showing some nature program about the creatures of Australia.  First off, the narrator, some arrogant bastard, is using the word 'marsupial' to describe a lot of the animals.  I bust out the dictionary and see that these so called 'marsupials' are mammals characterized by their ungodly lack of a placenta and these freaks use pouches to contain their young.  What the Hell kind of shit is this?  I mean I was raised in a loving house, but if I pulled some shit like not having a placenta, I would be kicked from here to next Sunday.
   These placenta-less mammals and their pouches aren't the only thing that ruffles my metaphorical feathers.  The narrator called one of those monstrosities a koala bear.  Now, I don't know if you seen one of these faggots, but they sure as Hell ain't no bear.  They're like a foot tall and eat eucalyptus leaves, rather than boy scouts.
   There were also these fucking kangaroos that hopped around everywhere.  Where the Hell do they get off hopping around like a bunch of fairies?  I mean hopping, come on.  You can't get around like that.
   I won't terrify you with the details of the hideous duck-billed platypus.  The name alone gives me chills.
   In fact, there was only one normal animal featured—the dingo.  These things are basically wolves that go out and eat babies.  Now that's what mammals were designed for—not sitting in some wuss-ass tree or laying eggs and shit.
   So what should be done with all these mistakes of nature?  I mean God's a good guy and stuff, but everyone makes mistakes.  Maybe He had a little too much of the sauce when he decided to work on the animals of Australia, or maybe He just stayed up too late and got a little tired- regardless of the reason, it's clear what needs to be done- complete destruction of the malformation-laden land mass of Australia.  I don't care how it's done—bomb, meteorite, all-consuming fiery tidal wave—I just care.