France Introduces New National Flag
PARIS- After being granted permission from the German government, France has chosen to change its national flag from the old blue, white and red vertical stripes to a much more contemptuous design- 44 other national flags covered with flaming shit.
   "Zis is a great day in ze history of France," said President Jacques Chirac.  "Now ze rest of the world will know what ze French have always known- zat zey deserve to be covered in fiery zhit."
   The French government decided to revamp the flag to boost lagging national pride, which peaked after France's victory in the 1998 World Cup, but has been declining rapidly ever since. 
   "The people of France haven't been very concerned with their patriotism over the past couple of years," said Pierre Michet, an arrogance expert.  "The levels of rudeness and spite have dropped significantly."
   The French government is hoping that the new flag will inspire France's trademark hatred for other nations.
   "We are clearly zuperior to all other nations," said Chirac.  "We have wine, and fast trains, and ze Mona Lisa.  No one elze can compare to zat."
   The government is also encouraging businesses nationwide to improve their products and services so as to show the rest of the world France's commercial superiority.  Advertising for hygienic products will be beefed up, food portions will be enlarged, and cars that stay intact will be produced.