Astronauts Install Air Lock Without Being Attacked by Intergalactic Warriors
CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla.– Spacewalking astronauts Michael Gernhardt and James Really, with the help of two robotic arms controlled by Susan Helms and Janet Kava, installed a $140 million air lock on the International Space Station with no interference from evil alien warlords poised to destroy the station and then the earth and its unsuspecting inhabitants.
   “The arm in the station pulled the 6 1/2 ton lock out of [the space shuttle] Atlantis and positioned it for installation with great success,” said Paul Hill, the mission's lead flight director.  “And, bonus, no hideous black aliens exploded from the spacewalkers' stomachs.”
   The job was also unremarkable in that no space viruses infected the astronauts, no computers failed to comply with the commands given to them, and no rapid-fire lasers were shot.  In fact, there was no sound outside the shuttle and station, for Gernhardt and Really were working in the vacuum of space.
   “It was difficult working with heavy objects in zero-gravity,” said Gernhardt, “but at least we weren't hit by an asteroid.”
   Now that the air lock is installed, astronauts will be able to spacewalk from the station, not having to dock with the shuttle to use its air lock.  No astronaut has been sucked into space to his or her death by a malfunctioning air lock on the shuttle.
   “This makes things a lot easier,” said Really.  “If we ever have to leave the space station to battle aliens in hand-to-hand space combat, we can do so very readily.”
   The lack of alien attacks and various explosions has become commonplace on the International Space Station.  So far, no edge-of-your-seat, jaw-dropping spaceship dogfights have been documented.