NBC's Airing of ALCS Alienates Voters-With-TV-Knob-Stuck-On-NBC Demographic
While five major networks chose to run the third and final presidential debate Oct. 17, NBC broke the trend by airing game 6 of the American League Championship Series. 
   This move inadvertently isolated the oft-overlooked demographic of people who have only TVs with knobs, and those knobs are somehow stuck on NBC.  This group is situated mostly in rural areas of Southern states.
   "Yeah I was fixing to get ready to watch that there debate," said "Big" Robert Wilkins of Branson, MO.,  "but then I saw that channel eight was showing baseball.  Man, I tell you, I was looking forward to hearing about surplus allocation and campaign finance reform, but my TV's stuck on NBC."
   Wilkins, along with an inestimable amount of others, is unable to watch anything other than what NBC airs because of stuck station-changing knobs.  In Wilkins’ case, the knob used to change channels is stuck because it was knocked slightly into the unit and bent when his drunken cousin, Sarah Wilkins, collapsed on the television.
   Many others face similar situations.
   "It sucks because all I see is NBC, NBC, NBC," said Clara Crumpett of Lufkin, TX.  "It’s all ‘Friends’ and other gay shit.  Oh, and ‘Dateline.’ Dad-gum, they show that a lot."
   Both presidential candidates were informed of the alienation immediately following the debate.
   "Well, I’ve always tried to consider the disadvantaged," said Al Gore.  "I promise to do something about television knobs that get stuck on channels, especially those stuck on NBC."
   Bush also expressed initial concern.
   "Coming from Texas, I know about knob-stickery," said George W. Bush.  "I want to help these people.  Of course, NBC has to run this [video] so that they know I am for them, unless those people have newspapers… and can read… which they probably can’t.  Ah, fuck it."
   Wilkins has decided he will not vote because he was not informed of the candidate’s positions on issues by NBC.
   "Hey, if it comes down to one vote to win the whole deal, they can come looking for me," he said, "and I’ll just say it’s all that fucking NBC’s fault.  Anyway, I forgot to sign up for voting.  What do you call it?  Oh, register.  Voting’s for puppets.  Yeah, fuck a republic."