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Beatles to Go Back on Tour
Miracle Technology Allows Lennon to Return
LONDON- It's finally happened.
After breaking up 30 years ago, the Beatles are returning to re-conquer
the world of music.
"People would always
ask us if we were getting back together, even after John's death," said
Paul McCartney, the bassist. "Now those goons can shut their mouths."
So how have they managed
to bring back John Lennon, who has been dead for nearly 20 years?
"It's quite simple,
actually," said Roger Lynn, the brains behind the operation. "We
dug up Lennon's remains, tied fishing wire to his appendages and head,
then hired a puppeteer."
Sources said the bits
of rotten flesh remaining on Lennon's skeleton slipped off easily, much
like ice cream would slide off a popsicle stick on a hot summer's day.
Lennon's puppeteer-controlled
motions will feature guitar strums, head nods, and pelvic thrusts.
The Beatles will start their world tour in September, and release a new
album, tentatively named 'Dem Bones,' in October.
Lennon will also be
busy cutting an album with another band, the Emaciations, which features
Jimi Hendrix, Keith Moon, and Jim Morrison.
When asked how Lennon
will sing, play guitar, and drop acid, Lynn responded, "Who the fuck cares?
He's back and more able to generated profits than ever."
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