House Passes “Delusion-Based” Bill
WASHINGTON– On Thursday, the House of Representatives passed the president's “delusion-based” bill with a 233-198 vote, much to Bush's praise.  The bill would allow federal funding to be allocated among “delusion-based” charity organizations, enabling them to compete with secular groups in areas of community service.
   “This is a first step toward victory for those who seek comfort in and charity from church organizations,” said the president, visiting London.  “Hopefully the bill will become law, and governmentally supervised delusional groups will become a reality.”
   The bill is designed to assist those organizations built on delusions such as the acceptance of an unseen, omnipotent yet passive, and hence negligent, being who all are expected to devote their lives to.  These groups also commonly believe in a kind, white magician who, 2000 years ago, transmogrified water into wine, cured lepers and the blind alike, and was born of a virgin inseminated, in effect, by the aforementioned entity.
   Bush and much of the House believe that federal funding will help these charitable organizations to improve the lives of their delusional followers.
   “No bad can come of this,” said Rep. J.C. Watts, R-Oklahoma.  “We are both helping the needy and perpetuating the crutch.”
   The president is urging the skeptical Senate to pass the bill; it is far from a sure thing.
   “By passing this [bill], we'd be doing more psychological damage than physical good,” said Majority Leader Tom Daschle, D-South Dakota.  “We'd be continuing the childhood imposition of the man-made shield against real life.  The shield that deflects the bad—reality—and offers a subterfuge promising evasion of the inevitable—extinction.”
   “We don't know how far this will push the delusions,” said Rep. Jerrold Nadler, D-New York.  “First these, then what?  Ghosts, goblins, headless horsemen?”
   If passed, the law would give billions of dollars to “delusion-based” organizations over the next 10 years.