Israeli Man Uses Middle East Conflict as Excuse to Stay Inside and Play “Grand Theft Auto III”
JERUSALEM– With Israeli and Palestinian conflict intensifying by the day, local resident Hillel Levin has decided to stay inside his home and play “Grand Theft Auto III” for the Sony PlayStation 2.
   “Obviously we are in serious circumstances here.  But there's not much I can do, so I just like to sit here and play a little ‘GTA3’ in peace,” said the 42-year-old.  “Now watch me run over these prostitutes.”
   As Israel moves through Bethlehem and other West Bank cities, Levin progresses steadily through the game.
   “This game is far better than the previous two.  The missions are better defined and more difficult than I expected,” said Levin, shooting down a helicopter with a rocket launcher.  “It may take me a while, but by the looks of things outside, I've got plenty of time.”
   Another Palestinian suicide bomber—this time in the Israel-West Bank border town of Baka al-Sharkiyeh—blew himself up Tuesday.  No one else was hurt.
   “It just never seems to end, you know?  I'm up at night thinking about it all the time,” said Levin.  “I mean, first the cops are after me, then the FBI, and now the damn military.  I can't get away.”
   Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat, stating that he'd rather be a “martyr,” has rejected Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's offer of exile.  As Israeli tanks move through the West Bank, there is no end in sight for the continuing battles.
   “I wish they [the Israeli and Palestinian leadership] could understand the allegory of ‘Grand Theft Auto III,’” said Levin.  “Sure it's fun to shoot pedestrians and steal ambulances.  But sometimes you just have to know when to hit that power button.”