Quasi-Talented Ex-Beatle Harrison Treated for Brain Tumor
ZURICH– Minimally talented and ultimately forgettable former Beatle George Harrison underwent radiotherapy for a brain tumor at the San Giovanni hospital in Bellinzona on Sunday.
   Harrison, 58, whose unexceptional song writing peaked in his mid-twenties with the Beatles on “Abbey Road,” but was still clearly inferior to the work of actual geniuses Paul McCartney and John Lennon, the latter of whom barely cared to write at the time, yet generated excellent music effortlessly, was unavailable for comment.  He has moved into a house in Luino, Italy, near the hospital where he received cobalt radiation to prevent the advancement of cancer in his unremarkable skull.
   It is not known whether the easily overshadowed guitarist will continue treatment or has moved back to his house in Hawaii, an undeniably beautiful and therefore ironic home.
   Harrison's health has been in a downward death spiral for the past few years, not unlike his career for the past three decades.  He has had throat cancer, has been stabbed, and had a cancer-like sore removed from his lungs in May.  His body is riddled with problems, mirroring his musical output, which is riddled with mediocrity.  If Harrison had any fans, they would no doubt be supporting him in some public fashion.
   It appears that the hospital and Harrison's record company will not comment on anything short of his death.