Charlotte Hornets “Sting” Opponents for 52nd Fucking Time This Season
MILWAUKEE– With a win over the Milwaukee Bucks Tuesday night in game five of the Eastern Conference Semifinals, the Charlotte Hornets “stung” their opponents for the 52nd fucking time this season, according to papers nationwide.
   “Jesus Christ, I almost wish we hadn't won,” said Hornets guard Baron Davis, who went 5-for-5 from downtown.  “Shit, I have to read about that ‘stinging’ bullshit every time.  I'm about ready to kill some motherfuckers.”
   “Hornets Sting Bucks” is only one of hundreds of similar headlines to appear in the Charlotte Observer over the past 13 years.  The Hornets, who are gaining respect and talent, look to win more games in the future—meaning “more of that fucking headline,” said head coach Paul Silas.
   “It sucks to lose, but at least we aren't fucking ‘stinging’ anyone,” he continued.  “Those writers should be fired.  Fired and murdered.”
   Many players are frustrated with the common headline, but are still pleased to be successful.
   “We feel great, like we can beat anybody out there,” said forward Jamal Mashburn, who scored 24.  “But those cocksuckers and that headline.  Fuck.  Glad to be winning, though.”
   Others are completely disheartened.
   “Shit, I'd go to another city, but it's the same shit wherever you go,” said forward Derrick Coleman.  “The [Philadelphia] 76ers “eighty-six” their opponents, the [Miami] Heat and [Phoenix] Suns “burn” them, the [New York] Knicks “nix” them.  It never ends.  I think I even saw something that said the [Sacramento] Kings “crowned” someone.  That's fucking ridiculous.”
   The Hornets (3-2) play at home Thursday, when they will try to avoid being bucked by Milwaukee.