Selfish Bitch Lopez Marries Despite Horrors on East Coast
LOS ANGELES– Rat fink whore Jennifer Lopez married choreographer Cris Judd in a private ceremony in Calabasas, California on Saturday, said her spokesman Sunday.  The wedding came as a surprise to the entertainment world because of the recent terrorist acts, which have suspended many events nationwide.
   “Jennifer wouldn't allow the attacks to impede her wedding,” said spokesman Alan Nierob, almost adding, “Because she's a heartless bitch.”
   To make matters worse, Lopez did not marry former beau Sean “Puffy” Combs, a major figure in the recording industry.  She instead married some fucking dickhead no one's ever heard of.
   “Jennifer is truly in love,” said Nierob, thinking, “and they'll be divorced in three months.”
   The nondenominational ceremony was attended by 170 guests, who, like Nazis, simply followed orders in spite of the apparent horrors surrounding them.
   “It was such a wonderful ceremony,” said the spokesman.
   No doubt wonderful in due part to Lopez's joy over the 6000 or so victims of the terrorist attacks. 
   Lopez wore a Valentino dress, not a firefighter's outfit, which would indicate bravery, compassion, and significance.  Instead of risking her life for others, Lopez smiled as she walked down the aisle, and later complemented her indifference to the sanctity of human life by engaging in anal sex.
   “Jennifer and Cris are happy together,” added Nierob, who left before he could say, “They're both happy that we're going to lose more lives in an impossibly difficult war.”