God's Really Putting His Existence in Question With This Whole Not Killing Fred Durst Thing
   You know, I've been thinking recently, what with the recent death of George Harrison and the anniversary of the assassination of John Lennon upon us and all: Why do we only lose the good musicians?  With all the shit music out there, I'd expect a few of these untalented ones to die each year.  It's simple statistics.  I mean, two Beatles?  Come on, God.  You're telling me Fred Durst doesn't have any psychotic fans willing to shoot him multiple times outside his home?  All he sings about is breaking shit.  That's bound to make some highly impressionable 14-year-old angry enough to kill him.
   So, what's going on God?  Are You just trying to assemble some supergroup?  Those don't work, You know.  Egos collide.  Anyway, You've already got Jimi and Stevie and Keith Moon, do you really need George too?  Why not take one of those Creed fuckers?  They're always singing about Heaven and how it'll be so cool.  Plus You'll want some younger guys in the band if You expect it to go over well with the teenage spirits up there.  Hey, maybe You could kill that Backstreet Boys creator, he'd help You out with the younger demographic—and it'd be helping us out down here.  I swear, one more boy band and Peter will be facing some serioius bumper to bumper traffic at the Pearly Gates, if You catch my drift.
   In conclusion, there has been a lot of unnecessary tragedy as of late, God.  My patience has been tried and my faith tested.  And I'm sorry to say that if You don't kill Fred Durst, I may have to renounce.