Fifteen-year-old Getting into Led Zeppelin
Parents: “Jesus, Stop”
ST. LOUIS– Having discovered classic rock radio six months ago, 15-year-old Paul Chambers has begun to purchase and listen to Led Zeppelin almost exclusively, much to the annoyance of his parents.
   “Zep is so talented,” said Chambers.  “They fused folk and blues and metal like no one else ever could.”
   “What is this kid, an idiot?” asked Phillip Chambers, Paul's father.  “They're all right, but there's a lot better stuff out there.  I swear, if I hear ‘Over the Hills and Far Away’ one more time while I'm getting ready for work, I'm throwing the fucking stereo out the window.”
   Paul first purchased “Led Zeppelin IV” a month ago, and has since acquired “Led Zeppelin I” and “Houses of the Holy.”  He plans to complete his collection before the summer arrives.
   “Yeah, I can't wait till he gets ‘Physical Graffiti’ so I can listen to ‘Kashmir’ all day,” his mother, Cynthia, commented.  “It's great that he's getting into music we used to listen to and all, but we listened to other stuff too, you know.  This is too much.”
   Chambers explains his love of Led.
   “They were such innovators, so original,” he said.  “The perfect combination of bombast, spirituality, mysticism, and technical prowess.”
   “He's aspiring to learn everything about Led Zeppelin,” said Phillip, “and I can't wait until he realizes that [guitarist Jimmy] Page stole the ‘Stairway [to Heaven]’ guitar line from Spirit's ‘Taurus.’  Yeah, real fucking innovative you little shit.”
   Paul has plans to purchase a guitar to emulate his favorite rockers.
   “Once I get about $300, I'll buy a [Fender] Strat[ocaster],” he said.  “I can't wait.”
   “Jesus, stop.  That's all we need,” said Cynthia.  “Short, awkward, snippets of ‘Dazed and Confused’ rumbling the walls.”
   “I can probably shut him up by telling him they stole that song from Jake Holmes,” said Phillip.