| |
Secrets
to Jay Leno's Success
Every aspiring comedian wonders:
How does Jay Leno orchestrate such a brilliant show every night?
We here at The Rail now reveal the secrets of his comic genius for all
you hopeful comedians-in-training.
The Monologue
Reach for the banal
Comics who come up with “new” material
invariably fall by the wayside. Audiences want a comedian who keeps
it simple. Therefore, your act should follow the same Mad-Lib-ish
structure each night: “I read in [major newspaper] that [notable story].
What’s wrong with these people? And how about [prominent politician
or celebrity]? He/she can’t seem to stop [unusual behavior].
I tell ya.”
This is the first and most important
lesson a budding comedian must learn: formulas work. Straying from
a pattern or being spontaneous is death in the world of comedy.
Narrow
your focus
Likewise, audiences only like jokes
about tried and true topics. Here’s Jay: “Al Gore was on the cover
of Rolling Stone…and the photo had to be retouched because his crotch
was a little too bulgy. Hey, we all know Gore has a tendency to exaggerate.
You think maybe he stuffed a tube sock down there?” See? Don’t
dillydally: go with the very first punch line that comes to mind.
Remember these well-know facts and
the comedy will write itself: Bill Clinton enjoys sex. Robert Downy
Jr. is a drug addict. Sean "Puffy" Combs owns a gun. Jennifer
Lopez has a large ass. Richard Simmons is a homosexual. There
are surely others you can think of, but don't experiment too much--no audience
is intelligent enough to understand anything but the most basic of jokes.
Dazzle ‘em with
dullness
It’s not just what Jay says; it’s
also how he says it. So pace back and forth endlessly as you talk,
hypnotizing the audience into mirthful submission. If people don’t
laugh at the punch line tuck your chin into your chest, flap your arms
like an off-balance penguin, wince and say, “Am I right?” and “Huh?” until
they give in.
You may want to add some genuinely
funny jokes to your act, but not too many; an over-stimulated audience
may begin to expect too much of you. Make your set dull, with a few
bits of humor to keep their attention.
Mortify
the minority--for the advanced student only
Whenever the monologue turns to
crime,
address your black bandleader (e.g. “Robert Downy Jr. was arrested
again for possession of cocaine and crystal meth. [turn to Kevin Eubanks]
I don’t know anything about crystal meth… Is it like, uh, instant
meth? Just mix with water?”) When he professes ignorance, just
nod your head knowingly.
Although implications of racism
are acceptable because they are rarely detectable by anyone but the target,
make sure you are entirely bland and therefore inoffensive with the set
jokes themselves. No one likes anything that resembles controversy
or imagination.
Once you have become
a master of these techniques, you will be in prime position to get your
own TV show. Once that happens, heed this advice:
The Interview
Be Methodical
Following scintillating conversations
can be difficult--so avoid them at all costs. Make sure you are clear
on the exact questions you will ask the guest in the interview. Audiences
will fail to see through your unusually specific questions, which indicate
prior knowledge on your part (e.g. "Did you collect cans of Diet Coke as
a child?" or "Did you have an obsession with an overweight movie star as
a child?”) Let the guest ramble on about his/her story and be ready
to ask the next question on the list. Remember: spontaneity kills.
The Sketches
Ad Nauseam
This is the easiest part.
First, look to other people to generate humor as much as possible.
Jay’s “Headlines” and “Jaywalking” bits are masterful examples of this.
Make others do the work and capitalize on it.
When doing the comedy yourself,
create obvious semi-parodies of popular shows, movies, and products.
For example, you may want to get together a bunch of old television celebrities
and have them vote each other off the set, a la Survivor.
Don’t worry about originality or depth--you’ve already got your
own show!
|
|