U.S. Troops Remove Violent Media from Middle East, Fighting Stops
ISRAEL- On Saturday, President Clinton, following the advice of Vice President Al Gore, sent American troops into Gaza and the West Bank to confiscate all violent media in the area.  The action immediately resulted in a halt in fighting between the Palestinians and Israelis.
   "I’m proud to say that we have ended the warring in the Mideast," said Clinton.  "The cause—violent movies and games—has been eliminated.  Now the people can live on in peace."
   Over 60,000 troops arrived in Israel, swept through the cities, and took all the R-rated videos and M-rated video games they could find.  The frequency of fighting dropped precipitously, causing Palestinian Authority President Yasser Arafat and Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak to declare a state of peace.
   "This is truly a momentous day," said Arafat.  "Now that President Clinton has removed all our copies of ‘Doom’ and ‘The Matrix’ we have no urges to fight."
   "Finally an end to the madness," said Barak.  "A madness of which we were deluded.  All this time the cause of the dispute was great but dangerous games like ‘Quake III Arena’ and ‘Unreal Tournament.’  We thought we were fighting over some religion shit."
   Vice President Gore, an advocate of limiting media violence, was the main influence behind the action.
   "Well, we are all aware of the power of violent media," he said.  "Violent movies and games have a direct effect on people’s minds.  It is very likely that if your child sees someone depict a murder on television or in a movie, he or she will become a serial killer.  So, I looked at the Mideast and asked, ‘Why are they fighting?’  The answer was clear: they have a huge amount of American movies and video games over there."
   Both Israelis and Palestinians are pleased with the end of the fighting.
   "Thank Allah that’s over," said Muhammad Musa.  "Now I can live in peace without having to worry too much about losing my other eye."
   "Oy vey," said Joseph Goldstein.