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The Rail presents a special guest opinion piece by rapper
Ice E, whose new album 40 Ounces of Urine will be released March
26.
Ain't
Nobody Never Die at No NBA Game
Maybe you heard about that 13-year-old girl who got hit by a puck in an
NHL game the other night and died. I know—damn shame, right?
Anyway, I finally got the final cog in my machine against the crazy white
person's game of hockey. What kind of fucked up shit is this game?
Nobody dies from a basketball hitting them. This game is fucked up
for real.
I decided to do some
investigating into the sport, so as not to appear ignorant on the subject.
Turns out the puck is made of vulcanized rubber. Now vulcanized means
they made the shit stronger and less sticky with some sulfur or something
else under some major pressure and heat. First off, I know sulfur's
no good for you, so make sure you cover up your mouth when you're around
hockey pucks. Don't want to ingest that shit. Secondly, the
puck is kept frozen. Yeah, I know. Of course people will die
when the shit is that hard. God damn.
And what's with all
the gear these toothless grinning motherfuckers wear? No need for
that out on the playground, you know? Only protection we allow on
my court is made by Ace, you know what I'm saying? Don't worry anyhow.
You won't be out there for long. Single elimination in my house.
One and done. And one. Now get the fuck off the court.
Nah, I'm just playing. But seriously, me and Duck and Goat will mess
ya'll up. Don't bring that weak ass shit in here, ’cause I'll stuff
it back up your ass till the doctor says no more.
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