Polling Up 9,000%
PRINCETON, NJ–  With increased public awareness of current events following the September 11 World Trade Center and Pentagon terrorist attacks, as well as news organizations’ increased interest in polling the citizenry, there has been a stunning 9,000% rise in polls in the past two weeks, according to the Princeton Research Survey Association in Princeton, New Jersey.
   “Polling has always been a popular form of surveying public thought,” said Princeton Research Survey associate Jonathan Vig.  “But the amount of polls we've seen as of late—from CNN to CBS to Nickelodeon—has been monumental.”
   The most common subject of the estimated 69,000 new polls each day is President Bush and the public's opinion of his reactions to attacks.  Other subjects of surveys include the deployment troops in Afghanistan, priorities regarding domestic security, and the role of other nations in the battle against terrorism.
   “There are just so many polls,” said Andrew Ferris of New York.  “I can't keep up.  Should we send troops?  Should we sacrifice some civil liberties for safety?  Should they build a goddamn memorial at the building site?  I'm losing my fucking mind here.”
   Experts believe the massive amount of polling in the U.S. will only grow, at least for the next few months.
   “There are new problems to question the public about popping up all the time,” said Vig.  “The stock market is big right now.  When and if we send troops, we'll see another wave of polls.  I don't see an end to this for another six months.”
   Although, according to a Pew Research Center survey, 96% of the American public favors this flood of polls, there are some staunch opponents.
   “I liked taking the polls at first,” said Jean Huntington of New York, “but it just got to be too much.  I began to spend all my time taking polls.  I had to quit my job because of it.”