Sports
 
Tank Defeats Chinese Kid in 38 Seconds
LAS VEGAS- Last night, after a mere 38 seconds into the match, a heavily favored T-72 tank beat the hell out of some wiseguy Chinese kid.  The kid, who just stood there staring at the big-ass tank, was easily run down by the much larger T-72.
   "It was stupendiglamicizing, the way that gargantualific tank unlivified that boy," said Don King, the fight's promoter.  "This tank, T-Bone, is going to inhabitify the top of the boxing world... uh... tion."
   The T-72 lashed out at Taiwan as he stood over his destroyed opponent:  "I am the baddest, most vicious fighter ever.  I'm coming for you, Taiwanese kid.  I'm going to eat your children and rip out you heart and feed it to you.  Then I shall run over your skull."
   The tank's disturbing, borderline-psychotic comments have caused many to question whether it should be allowed to fight again.
 

AP photo

 
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