Americas Summit Ends, Leaders Back Free Tape Trade
QUEBEC CITY, CANADA– After a two-day summit in Canada, the leaders of 34 Western Hemisphere nations agreed to the establishment of a free tape trade zone throughout most of the Americas by 2005.
   “Free tape trade is very important to the economies of all the nations involved,” said President Bush.  “We must eliminate all trade barriers preventing the exchange of kick-ass tapes of Bon Jovi in concert.”
   Tape trade restrictions will become virtually nonexistent from the Arctic Circle down to the Cape of Good Hope, an area populated by 800 million people.
   “We cannot deny the people of the Americas Ratt and Poison tapes any longer,” said Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien.  “High quality Mötley Crüe, Cinderella, and Queensrÿche will pass freely throughout the Western Hemisphere.”
   30,000 protesters opposed to the tape trade pact gathered in the streets.  Critics argue that the agreement hurts poorer nations and benefits only the wealthiest.
   “Sure, free tape trade sounds great,” said Tom Manning, a protester, “but the poorest nations will end up with lousy tapes, like an 18th generation Winger concert, for example.”
   Supporters believe the free tape trade pact will lead to widespread access to excellent tapes.
   “Right now, only America and Canada really have access to the best tapes,” said Chretien.  “Soon, Mexico, Central America, and South America will all have great tapes.  I know they can't wait to get their hands on some first-generation Metallica concerts.”
   “We're not talking tapes of studio albums here,” said Bush.  “Those are a dime a dozen.  We're looking at awesome early generation concert tapes all over the West.  Why would anyone want to stop that?”