The Best of The Rail
   Over two years of dedicated reporting.  Hundreds of articles and illustrations.  Rock solid integrity.  This is what it takes to build a site approaching its 10,000th visitor.  Well, that, or Mr. T wanting to eat some guy's balls.  True, The Rail doesn't have the ingenuity of the ball-eating websites, but one thing it does have is esprit.  And esprit is more than a word you can't define.  It's also an excellent designer label.  But it's also what The Rail has stood for all these months: sprightliness. 
   With that in mind, we look back at the news that touched your smiles and dried your tears, allowing those familiar with The Rail to look back on the ups and downs of the past two years, and those uninitiated readers to familiarize themselves with the little site that could.

News
The Rail's Testicular Cancer Guide
-"Contrary to popular belief, hanging brain does not cause testicular cancer."
Music Returns to Afghanistan 
"What is this shit?" ask citizens 
-"I almost wish the Taliban were back."
Bush Suggests Drilling for Oil in Orphans' Heads, Others
-"They must be alive as we bore through their tiny faces for the precious resources that lie within."
Woman "Powdering Nose" Actually Taking Big Ol' Dump 
-"I loved everything about it: the sudden release of pressure, the noise, the water splashing back up onto my ass—everything."
DaimlerChrysler Vehicles to Feature Minority-Detecting Locks
-"He had his baseball cap on backwards, so, as you can imagine, it was quite unnerving."

Entertainment
Music Critic Snaps, Admits Rap is Shit
-"I swear, if I hear one more guy say 'motherfucker,' I'm going to lose my shit."
Secrets to Staind's Success
-"Remember, distortion means you're mad and you're sad and who knows what you're liable to do."
TRL Under Fire After Fans Speak Truthfully
-"I requested Destiny's Child because Beyonce is really fine.  She's so hot she's practically white."
Survivor 2 Fever Hits Africa
-"Of course there are similarities, like the tendency for participants to complain about the small food portions."
Britney Spears' Bare Breasts Explode the Heads of 2,342 Males
-"Gaping at Britney's sweater puppies, I realized that there was a beautiful, loving force behind things, and I knew everything would be all right in my life."

Sports
A Beginner's Guide to Soccer
-"A goal allows you to forget about your nation's political corruption for fifteen seconds."
World Cup Drawings Complete 
Americans: “Fuck Soccer”
-"We all know soccer is popular because other countries can't afford basketball hoops, football padding, or baseball bats."
Man Attends WNBA Game
-"What is this, the East Bumfuck Elementary School playoffs?"
Anna Kournikova Becomes Tennis Player
-"'Fuck this,' the beauty said as a single drop of sweat slowly rode down her neck, disappearing in between her breasts."
Superior Steroids to Help U.S. Win Gold at Sydney 
-"Our Deca-Durabolin is definitely primo shit."

Op/Ed
I Sure as Hell Can Tell the Difference Between a Surfer and a Sea Turtle
-"What kind of seeing-eye dog-needing motherfucker do you take me for?"
Two Dollar Bill? Don't You Know Who I Am?
-"And what's with that Indian broad on the golden dollar coin?"
I Am an Inspiration
-"I got a wish for you Deborah: Get this fucking disease out of my body!"
“Ghetto” is Not an Adjective
"I call for an end to this haphazard use of the word."
What's With These Damned Marsupials?
-"Now that's what mammals were designed for—not sitting in some wuss-ass tree or laying eggs and shit."

Other Stuff
Blake's Pornography ad (Flash needed)
Not-so-subliminal George W. Bush ad  (Flash needed)
Comics and Kids
-It's all good, babies.