You Talking to Me?  No I Will Not Put the Seat Down
Listen you fuckers, you screwheads. Here's a man who would not take it anymore. A man who stood up against the scum, the cunts, the dogs, the filth, the shit.  Here is someone who stood up.
   I’m taking a stand against putting the goddamn toilet seat down after I empty my piss pump.  Yes, the standing joke is true: wives, well mine anyway, bitch about putting the seat down so they don’t fall in when they use the can.  Women sit while they piss, by the way.
   Well I’ll have no more of that.  I’ve been married to this hag for fifty-three years and I’ve always been a nice guy about it.  I’ve tried to remember to put it down, I really have.  But sometimes I forget, and that’s no reason for the beast to unleash her wrath upon me, now is it?
   So I’m getting up, standing up, and fighting for what I believe in.  I told her I would never put that seat down unless I was taking a dump.  She got kind of angry and threatened to withhold sex, which is a criterion for divorce, but I won’t leave her because I couldn’t get anyone else, on account of my lazy eye. 
   Anyway, back to my crusade against tyranny.  I won’t put it down, and I’ll be damned if I hang the toilet paper the way she tells me too.  Yeah, that joke’s true, too.  Hell, I may not even replace the roll next time.  Well, I may not go that far.  And next time she tells me to put that seat down, I’ll put it down, oh yeah, and I’ll piss on it for spite.
   The idea had been growing in my brain for some time. True force. All the king's men cannot put it back together again.