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U.N. Makes
Africa One Giant Country
NEW YORK CITY– On Friday the United
Nations delegates voted unanimously to make Africa, except for Egypt and
South Africa, one giant country. Many of the countries that made
up the African continent were in constant political and military strife
with one another—this was the primary motivation for the combination of
over 50 countries into one 11.6 million square-mile nation.
“It was just too difficult
to keep track of all those countries,” said President of the General Assembly
Harri Holkeri. “They're pretty much all the same anyway, you know?”
“I completely agree
with the decision,” said former Angolan President Jose Eduardo dos Santos.
“It's hot and dry up north and down south. In the middle it's hot
and wet. Either way it's hot and everyone's poor. There's no
difference [between the countries].”
South Africa remains
autonomous because it is the world's top gold producer, and one of the
leading diamond exporters.
“Obviously we want
to keep South Africa because of its economical value. And the white
people,“ said Percy Mangoaela of the former republic of Lesotho.
“Also, we're maintaining Egypt because, well, because it's different
from the rest of Africa. They have running water up there.”
President Bush expressed
his approval of the decision as well.
“This will make things
much easier for everyone,” he said. “Before this it was like Zaire
or Congo? Zaire or Congo? Then came Democratic Republic of
the Congo. What kind of shit is that?”
Despite the new union,
Africa will continue its traditions of social injustice, famine, crime,
and disease.
“New name, same horrors,”
said Mangoaela.
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